LOS ANGELES, September 19, 2013 — The new narrative from President Obama’s supporters is that their cunning leader saved the world by talking tough and convincing Russian President Vladimir Putin to give peace a chance.
The reality is that Obama’s brilliance is just the “Dilbert Principle” at work. The man who bungled his way higher continues to fail upwards. He should promote himself from president to inspector since his closest peers in the skills department are Clouseau and Gadget.
Meet President Inspector Barack Clouseau Gadget Obama, a man who can trip over tall buildings with a single stumble and win a Nobel Peace Prize for flashing a winning smile.
“Inspector Gadget” is the cartoon version of “Get Smart,” with Don Adams playing the lead imbecilic detective. Gadget pursues Dr. Claw with the grace of a twelve-toed ballerina juggling bowling balls. Gadget’s underlings do all the hard work and Claw’s associates are arrested. Claw always escapes as the police chief beams, “Congratulations Gadget, you’ve done it again.” Gadget thanks the chief and says, “Just doing my job” as his assistants fume.
At least Gadget is American. True idiocy requires taking somebody with the ultimate superiority complex and showing him to be a fool. That requires a Frenchman, played superbly by Peter Sellers. Inspector Clouseau commits mayhem, and in the end becomes the hero. His bumbling is so exhausting that it leads to his superior, Chief Dreyfus (the delightful Herbert Lom), having a mental breakdown.
Clouseau was a beloved Pink Panther moron, a hero to those unable to distinguish acumen with blind dumb luck.
If Gadget and Clouseau could create a son, he would be Barack Obama. The only surprise in this rehashed story is that Obama is not fictional, even if his biography is.
Vladimir Putin is Dr. Claw, only more ruthless. He sees Obama and his supporters as the same “useful idiots” that Lenin described American liberals to be. They are the nation of Doltistan, consisting primarily of two groups with little real world life experience: young people and academics.
The newest version of Doltistan has Obama ignoring a genocide in Syria for over two years. Obama waxes poetic while defiantly declaring that Assad must go. There is no explanation as to what will make Assad do so, just shoulder shrugs. Needing to be seen as “doing something,” Obama declares that use of chemical weapons will cross a “red line” that requires the use of force.
Assad shrugs his shoulders and does what world leaders do with Obama: treat him as unserious and ignore him. Assad uses the chemical weapons.
Obama wants to commit acts of war without calling it war. He wants to consult Congress while making it clear that he does not need to consult with Congress. He claims broad international support as the British government votes against him.
His Secretary of State John Kerry acted like an expensively coiffed Forrest Gump when he offered to hold off on war if Syria turns over all of its chemical weapons to the international community, and the gods who smile on idiots like Gump smiled on Kerry. The remarks were off-hand comments, not meant to be taken seriously, but Putin pounced and Russia accepted the offer. Within hours, Obama’s speech about going to war was altered. He asked Congress to postpone a vote he asked for and knew he would lose. Like Gilda Radner, he told the world to “never mind.”
Putin humiliated Obama, and Obama’s supporters do what they always do: They declared Obama a genius. Like Clouseau and Gadget, he got what he really wanted all along.
Who will ensure that Syria’s weapons are turned over? How will this Russian promise be enforced? Nobody knows.
Meanwhile, Assad gets more time to kill with impunity. The people he already murdered are freebies. Obama remains the darling of the academic class who prefer theorizing to doing. Hollywood continues to bathe in his glow. They manage to save the Obama narrative of brilliance that they desperately need to be true, lest they all end up being exposed as shallow and useless.
Putin dances in the end zone and spikes the football in Obama’s face. Obama graciously thanks Putin for appreciating his “flexibility” as our “Get Smart” faculty lounge leader never actually does.
Meanwhile, the world continues to burn. As Gadget’s boss would say, “Congratulations Barry Clouseau, you’ve done it again.”
He certainly has.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”