Chess, Russian paranoia, and American "supremacy"

Chess is the ultimate game of paranoia. This is why Russia has failed to defeat the United States on the world stage. Photo: Kasia (Flickr Creative Commons)

RICHMOND, Va., May 11, 2013 — A radio talk show several weeks ago had a fascinating discussion about the balance of power between Russia and the United States. While the idea expressed here is not original, it is worthy of dissemination. Sometimes a random caller or guest can explain everything in life as we know it in the blink of an eye.

The game was chess, but the reality was geopolitics. Chess is a metaphor for geopolitics: Pieces are moved around the global board with tactics ranging from diplomacy to war, in order to achieve strategic goals. The two leading players on the world stage for the longest time were the Russians and the Americans. While China is ascending, Russia is a chess grandmaster, and the game is an excellent metaphor of its government’s behavior.

Some of the world’s greatest chess players have been Russians. Anatoly Karpov was defeated by Gary Kasparov, who today is still ranked as one of the best if not the best chess player in world history. 

In terms of life, chess is the ultimate game of paranoia. Every move comes with trepidation that potential victory could turn into defeat and destruction the moment the piece is moved. This is why Russia has failed to defeat the United States on the world stage.

Russian leaders are brilliant but paranoid. Vladimir Putin perfectly embodies this combination. Putin rules with an iron KGB fist, but is also constantly looking over his shoulder to make sure nobody is trying to replace him on the Russian power board. He encapsulates the spirit of Machiavelli, knowing that everyone really is out to get him. He is intelligent, ruthless, and cunning. Yet sources close to Putin have revealed the one flawed thought process among top Russian officials.

America won the Cold War because Ronald Reagan played the American chess pieces brilliantly on the world stage. So did George W. Bush. The American media gave them zero credit, but they were not the target audience. Foreign leaders were. The New York Times did not matter. Saddam Hussein did. Putin understands this. Yet Putin’s top lieutenants still may be overestimating their current American opponents.

SEE RELATED: Russian bombers over Guam raise questions about America’s credibility

Because America is “number one,” a certain prestige comes with that. Qualities of intelligence and logical reasoning are attributed to us that we do not always deserve.

Russia has spies everywhere, but somehow they have been unable to figure out the exact plot against Russia. This has Russian officials in a quiet panic, as they remain frustrated at their being “outsmarted” by the Americans.

The danger to America is if Russia figures out the truth. America is playing checkers. If Putin seems to be running circles around President Obama, it is because he actually is. Liberals would love to believe that Obama is so brilliant that he has the world stage figured out, but the evidence contradicts this.

The Russians simply cannot accept that their government is far smarter then ours from a foreign policy standpoint. We are not bluffing. We do not have a secret plot. We really do have Inspector Clouseau’s children running our bureaucracy. America has the best and brightest military, but our State Department and executive branch are run by people totally overmatched by their Russian counterparts. 

SEE RELATED: FX series ‘The Americans’ echoes real-life Russian espionage

We make irrational moves on the chess board, but this is not due to some overwhelmingly brilliant strategy that has never been seen before. America survives because Russia cannot figure out our mythical “supermove.” The Russians, using logical reasoning, assume that “America can’t be this stupid. They must be up to something.” An inability to discover the secret move leads to Russian discouragement in the game of espionage.

May Vladimir Putin never know the truth. The current American government really is that stupid. We have no business competing on the world stage. Barack Obama is a combination of the boss of “Dilbert” and Michael J. Fox in “The Secrets of my Success.” Publicly he exudes confidence, telling people like a cocky athlete, “It’s cool. I got this.” Privately, he is totally lost. Syria implodes, Iran builds a bomb, and North Korea acts like a spoiled Hollywood celebrity demanding attention. What do they think Obama will do ― something?

Obama is a lucky man, and sometimes luck is good enough. Luck may even be better than talent. He complains about what he “inherited,” but he inherited an American reputation for brains and brilliance in all things related to foreign policy strategy. 

Here's hoping no one figures out the truth: America is playing checkers. (Photo: Louise Docker, Flickr)

Here’s hoping no one figures out the truth: America is playing checkers. (Photo: Louise Docker, Flickr)

For the sake of America and the world, may the Russians never figure out that we no longer have that. Chess grandmasters do not usually spend time playing checkers, so they are often unable to recognize that game when it is being played.

Our government is not thinking at all, but luckily the Russians are such phenomenal paranoid thinkers that they have outthought themselves into thinking that we are thinking about anything.

READ MORE: The Tygrrrr Express by Eric Golub

Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”

Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS. Follow us: @wtcommunities on Twitter

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Eric Golub

Eric Golub is a politically conservative Jewish blogger, author, public speaker, and comedian. His book trilogy is “Ideological Bigotry,” “Ideological Violence,” and  “Ideological Idiocy.” 

He is Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and has lived in Los Angeles since 1990. He received his Bachelors degree from the University of Judaism, and his MBA from USC. A stockbrokerage professional since 1994, he began blogging on March 11th, 2007, the three year anniversary of the Madrid bombings and the midpoint of 9/11. He has been inflicting his world view on his unfortunate readers since then. He blogs about politics Monday through Friday, and about football and other human interest items on weekends.



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