WASHINGTON, March 21, 2013 — The Vernal Equinox is now upon America, which leads to only one question. Who is to blame for it?
Given the failed Obama record, it is tempting to say that the VE is all Obama’s fault. Naturally, Obama insists it was like that when he arrived. He inherited the VE, and it was all George W. Bush’s fault.
Obama is in Israel, which could be the purpose of his trip that as of now seems to lack one. Maybe the VE is the entire fault of the Jews. After all, the VE has been around since the original Israelites, and Jews do make a convenient scapegoat for most things we do not understand.
Ron Paul supporters blame the VE on Ben Bernanke, since he is their scapegoat for everything. Bernanke also happens to be Jewish, which means somehow the Rothschilds and other merchants, bankers, moneylenders, and Neocons are involved.
The Neocons have to be responsible since the ten year anniversary of the Iraq War came just before the VE. Coincidentally, this was the case a decade ago and every year since. It may be the case next year and in the years to come.
Is the new Pope Francis responsible for the VE? It seems more than coincidental that it was Winter before he was selected and the Spring occurs directly after a conclave and some billowing white smoke.
Is the sequester to blame for the VE? After all, normally the Groundhog sees his shadow and there are six more weeks of winter. Given that Republicans abuse puppies, kittens and groundhogs, it is obvious that the sequester cuts that are not really cuts ended winter early.
Is Dianne Feinstein responsible for the VE? Perhaps she is just a bad speller, and mistook “vernal” for “venal.” She has a habit of referring to everything as venal.
Is retired Super Bowl Champion Ray Lewis responsible? He played for the Baltimore Ravens, and rearranging the word “vernal” spells out “Raven L.” It seems more than coincidental that after he retires, winter is cut short.
Perhaps we will never know. Perhaps it is just a coincidence that the Vernal Equinox always occurs on the First Day of Spring. It could be a manipulation of Daylight Savings Time, which in itself is a Mayan End of Days plot.
Like Benghazi and Fast and Furious, this VE thing will most likely be swept under the rug. After all, Americans have a short attention span and by March 22nd this may all be forgotten.
This cannot be allowed to happen. If we do not learn from history we will be destined to repeat it. That means next year there will be another Vernal Equinox on March 21st and we still will not know who to blame.
Some say God is responsible, but that would make the VE a good thing. Fine, God can get the credit.
Now if we can just find out who is to blame for the creation of Leap Year, and why the issue gets dropped for several years like presidential elections and Olympics.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS.
Follow us: @wtcommunities on Twitter
This article is the copyrighted property of the writer and Communities @ WashingtonTimes.com. Written permission must be obtained before reprint in online or print media. REPRINTING TWTC CONTENT WITHOUT PERMISSION AND/OR PAYMENT IS THEFT AND PUNISHABLE BY LAW.