LOS ANGELES, June 28, 2013 — From Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman to Aaron Hernandez and Lloyd Odin, needless deaths occurred for the same reason most deaths involving gun violence occur. They trace back to the American right to free speech.
That right is not absolute. Exceptions to this rule include yelling “fire” in a crowded theatre or being an anti-Muslim filmmaker jeopardizing President Obama’a reelection chances. That kind of speech can land you in prison. Most people know better. Yet there remains a great deal that you have the right to say and should not.
We already have laws against murder and and other violence. Whatever their impact on cold-blooded violence, they can’t defuse a heated situation. New laws and harsher laws will not keep people from killing out of anger.
We should not ban football, cartoons, video games or other activities that fuel young aggression. We should not ban guns or other scapegoats for our violence. To reduce violence, address real problems: Ban “representing.”
Representing means taking a gun with you, usually to a nightclub, where somebody gets shot.
“Gotta represent!” No, you really don’t. Ban representing and be done with it. This also covers representin’, which is the same thing spoken badly. This covers synonyms including “keeping it real” and “expressing yourself.”
Nothing useful ever comes from representing. Representing glorifies ghetto culture. Nothing productive emanates from ghetto culture, which crosses all racial, ethnic, and even financial strata. Anything connected to the ghetto culture of representing needs to be banned. This includes pimps, players, playas, mack daddies, daddy macks, and their misspelled relatives. Dogs can remain legal if they are canines. Doggs and Dawgs should be banned. Sorry Snoop Dogg, but your dawgs Nate Dogg and Warren G. sang “Regulate.”
Now they need to be regulated until they spell their own names properly.
Slang should be banned since that leads to violence. A young kid wanted to “ax” me something. While getting ready to run for my life, it seems he only wanted to “ask” me something. Asking is fine. Axing people is illegal outside of Massachusetts.
All acronyms should be banned, because anybody too lazy to write complete words and full sentences does not need hands or keyboards. Anybody using flawed sentences such as “You are so fail” should be sanctioned. Nothing is “so” anything.
The antidote to representing is self-restraint, self-control, self-respect, and societal respect. Trayvon Martin was black. George Zimmerman and Aaron Hernandez are Hispanic. As most people know, nothing speaks to blacks and Hispanics like country music. Everybody tempted to represent should learn from “The Gambler” and buy a copy of the Kenny Rogers classic “Coward of the County.”
“Promise me, son, not to do the things I’ve done.
Walk away from trouble if you can.
Now it won’t mean you’re weak if you turn the other cheek.
I hope you’re old enough to understand:
Son, you don’t have to fight to be a man.”
By the end of the song, the level-headed son tells his prisoner father that sometimes a guy does have to fight to be a man. The key is to know when. There is a time for diplomacy and a time for brute military force. Iran and Syria are situations where turning the other cheek could lead to getting punched twice.
Yet Aaron Hernandez and George Zimmerman could have walked away. If Trayvon Martin gained the upper hand, perhaps he could have walked away. These men were all involved in avoidable conflicts. Yet they had to be “bad-asses” with the “biggest pair.” They had to represent. Now two men are dead, two more face murder charges, and an eight-month-old baby may become orphaned because her famous football father may go to jail.
Many people trying to offer even the mildest solutions are called racists. Nevertheless, the solutions are right. American men must learn real English and speak properly, dress normally, and act normally. Under clothing should be worn definitionally, under the clothing. People should not look like or hang out with stereotypical thugs unless the goal is to be treated like a stereotypical thug and end up like Tupac “Thug Life” Shakur. They should not look for fights or exacerbate conflicts. Being home at a reasonable hour is a great start. As Chris Rock points out, nobody has “ever taken out three hundred dollars (from an ATM) at four o’clock in the morning for something positive.”
Most importantly, anyone lucky enough to become rich by catching a football should be quiet, be happy, enjoy wealth, and stop pretending that the slightest slights are worth permanent career blights.
Representing is the disease. Humility is the cure. It costs nothing, anybody can possess it, the righteous strive for it, and everybody benefits from it.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
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