LOS ANGELES, January 9, 2013 — Last year was the big 4-0, so turning 41 is anti-climactic. I spent the last day of 40 the same way I spent the first. The Oklahoma State Mike Gundy “I’m a man! I’m 40!” tirade never gets old.
At age 40, I looked back with 40 memories. Yet the future is what tells the full story of a person’s life, not just the past. So 41 wishes at age 41 is the order of the day. I must be a lucky man, because after the first few items it was difficult to think of things. This is the nature of contentment, wanting for very little.
Cliches are boring. Plenty of people want world peace, and some others just want a pony. Consider me somewhere between those two ideals.
This wish list is not in any particular order, except for how the items appeared in my head. With that, here are 41 wishes at age 41.
1) Health and happiness for my friends and loved ones. After all, without love, there is no life.
2) Republican…Jewish…Brunettes. Lots of Republican Jewish brunettes
3) To live in a world without ideological bigotry, where we can disagree politically without hatred and where people don’t accuse others of hatred merely for disagreeing.
4) To meet President 43 by age 43. Still luv ya, Dubya. It’s all about “The Dub.”
5) Obscene amounts of power. Never cared for money, fame, or status. Power to live my life as I see fit with zero interference.
6) Business success. To see the hard work pay off.
7) To watch my de facto nephew “The boy” continue to become a fine young fella.
8) Would it kill the Raiders just to go 9-7? One winning season for crying out loud.
9) Neocon vindication of the freedom and liberty agenda, as democracy is successfully imposed on Islamist dictators.
10) Supply-side vindication, as Americans learn that every problem in life can be solved with cuts in marginal tax rates.
11) For people who have the recessive “screwup” gene not to spread their contagion. Give the normal people a fighting chance by leaving them alone.
12) To see our troops be honored through political deeds and not platitudes. The troops earned it.
13) Inner peace, whatever that means.
14) To figure “it” out, whatever that means. Maybe Jack Palance can teach me.
15) To visit (4 to go) and speak in (6 to go) all 50 states.
16) Yeah, I guess I should wish health and happiness for me as well. Of course exercising would be a start.
17) To do less navel-gazing while pretending I am contemplating anything lofty. This column qualifies.
18) To avoid losing perspective on what really matters and do a better job of serving God instead of spending all my time on lists like this asking him to do for me.
19) A home of my own. A roof over my head that belongs to me and can never be taken away.
20) To have enough money to increase my charitable giving and still feed myself.
21) To see Jewish people in Israel crush their enemies and survive and thrive.
22) To see liberal Jews “get it” and learn who their real friends are.
23) To see Republicans “grow a pair” and stop cowering in fear.
24) To see my generation not waste the efforts our grandparents fought and died for. To help leave a better world for the next generation.
25) To see a world where young children have a fighting chance to escape disease and starvation. They are kids. They need a fighting chance.
26) To see public schools be shut down, again so kids can have a fighting chance. Love your children. Private schools, charter schools, and home schooling.
27) To see bullies everywhere get what they deserve.
28) To see 1980s long-haired hard rock make a comeback. Bring back the high falsetto voices.
29) To spend more time enjoying the ups and downs of the stock market. I miss the action.
30) To find balance between work and romance. So far work wins hands down.
31) To work harder and smarter. Yeah, I know. It’s never enough.
32) To learn a new dance, perhaps Zumba. Unless it is tiring, then scratch that.
33) To watch an NFL game in the Owners box and walk pregame on the 50 yard line. To be allowed in the locker room for the pregame and post-game rituals.
34) Private entities forcing all anonymous internet posters to use their real names. This would reduce incivility.
35) To see more people buy my three books, Ideological Bigotry, Ideological Violence, and Ideological Idiocy. They should contact me directly.
36) To be patient and calmer, even though some people really need to be throttled.
37) To reconnect with people I was close to when we just got busy. At least once per year tell them I care.
38) To grow my readership audience
39) An enjoyable January 9th. One day where those who aggravate me take the day off. Just one day.
40) For the TYGRRRR EXPRESS to live on long after I am gone.
41) For my future sons to carry on the family name, and for my future sons and daughters to be as proud of me as I will be of them. May I be able to give them what my parents wanted to give me but could not. The hard work starts yesterday.
To those trying to reach me, you know where to find me…Flying down the highway headed West…in a streak of black lightning, called the Tygrrrr Express.
Oh, and almighty Hebrew God I pray to every night, just in case you did not read the list closely, Republican Jewish brunettes. Thank you.
On to the next adventure.
Eric aka the Tygrrrr Express
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS
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