LOS ANGELES, February 6, 2013 — President Obama is already learning from John Kerry, his new Secretary of State: Obama was for sequestration before he was against it.
Obama favored the automatic spending cuts of sequestration in 2011. They were his idea. Now he is against them. In his latest press conference he lambasted Republicans for agreeing with him and demanded they now reject his policy in the name of coming together. Huh?
Perhaps Obama should spend less time focusing on trying to ban guns and more time on dealing with mental illness. He seems a bit schizophrenic these days. At the very least he may be ADD or ADHD, since he is literally and figuratively all over the place. How else does one explain a man who keeps campaigning long after he won the election? How else does one explain a man angrily blaming political opponents for supporting a policy he proposed and they were against?
At this rate Obama may blame George W. Bush for Obamacare.
Obama’s arguments are not even offensive anymore, just silly. A country that is spending itself into bankruptcy would be just fine if we spent more? Perhaps Obama is still sequestered from reality, as he has been for much of his existence.
When Obama says we need to reduce wasteful spending, what he really means is eliminating any spending he disagrees with while spending massive amounts of borrowed money on his pet causes. Under his leadership, the only hope for the slightest cut would be if he made his own presidential salary merit-based, saving taxpayers $400,000.
His calls for “investments” in education and green energy make as much sense as a welfare recipient saving up his food stamps to buy a Mercedes and a yacht. A person using government assistance to purchase luxuries should be slapped down. President Obama is a glorified welfare abuser. He collects trillions of dollars in government checks and instead of spending it on necessities, he spends the money on Solyndra and school programs designed to malnourish our children.
Along come the mandatory sequestration cuts. The man who tells everybody else what to do is now being forced to obey a law that he actively lobbied for and signed. He now claims that spending cuts will cripple the recovery.
Earth to Obama: There is no recovery. Fuel and food prices have skyrocketed. The economy has contracted. Businesses are drowning in high taxes and increased regulations. Yet the man who likes to regulate everybody else is angry at having the slightest amount of his own behavior regulated by a regulatory policy he created! Obama should consider becoming a conservative since he does not like government intervention in his daily life.
Obama says we “cannot cut our way to prosperity.” We also cannot tax and regulate our way to prosperity. The only solution is growth, and Obama has had four years of anemic growth as he has raised taxes and piled on endless amounts of crushing debt with even more to come.
So what is the solution?
The first thing to do is treat President Obama’s supporters like infants who will believe anything provided certain code words are used. Forget substance; make the message so mind-numbingly simple that liberals can understand it, put it in terms so stupid that they will believe it. Show that “bad cuts” are actually “good cuts.”
Sequestration helps combat climate change by responsibly reducing money spent on carbon emissions.
Sequestration will automatically cut funding for Israeli settlements in illegally occupied Palestine.
Sequestration will lead to an increase in abortions and gay marriages.
The French have always loved sequestration. They call it “Le Chop.”
Hollywood celebrities can name their children “Sequester.” Sequestration is safer for the environment than hydraulic fracturing.
Sequester rhymes with Sylvester, who used to chase Tweety. Young people like to “tweet.” Therefore, sequestration is fantastic for those in favor of investments in education.
Yet the last point is so absurd that it passes the Washigton truth test. Every liberal should have it drilled into their anti-fracking skulls. The reason liberals should support the sequester is because Barack Obama is their God, and God is never wrong. Obama supported sequestration, so it has to be good.
Once the public relations battle is done, there is still one necessary step to take. President Obama himself needs to be sequestered. He cannot handle the responsibilities that come with adulthood. He needs to have his keys taken away. Send him to his room and tell him he cannot come out until he is prepared to grow up and accept adult responsibility. He should start with the serious, boring, constitutionally necessary work of preparing a realistic budget and submitting it to Congress.
Until he’s ready to do that, he has no business babbling about sequestration. He should let the adults govern this country without his interference. After sequestration does a tiny bit of good, he can take credit for being in favor of what he is now against that he was once in favor of. Then Mrs. Jarrett can teach him “The Facts of Life” as he, Tootie, and Blair go play at the State Department.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS.
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