LOS ANGELES, February 26, 2013—“Eastbound and Down, loaded up and trucking…
We’re gonna do what they say can’t be done…
We got a long way to go, and a short time to get there…
Eastbound for another Bandit run.”
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has now been warned. If he thought the Boston Tea Party and 1776 were revolutions, just try and restrict access to soda in 2013.
The Founding Fathers rebelled against a tax. Bloomberg wants an outright ban. Not in this lifetime.
In 1977, Burt Reynolds and Jerry Reed were not going to let restrictive laws on alcohol get in their way. Smokey and the Bandit got the job done.
“The boys are thirty in Atlanta, and their’s beer in Texarkana. Will bring it back no matter what it takes.”
While the 1980 sequel may not be as important from a societal standpoint (hauling pregnant elephants is not common enough for liberals to try and legislate), my right to haul any legal and safe substance should not be impeded.
Back then it was Jackie Gleason as Buford T. Justice. Now we have Bloomberg T. Injustice. Mayor Bloomberg has no actual abilities in terms of fighting crime or even clearing the streets after a snowstorm. Yet present this billionaire elitist with a war he can win against an inanimate object, and he will wage it. Maybe when he was a child somebody exploded a bottle of soda on him. Maybe the bottle cap hit him in the head. There are no other rational explanations for why he has turned Rudy Giuliani’s free and beautiful city into regulation nation.
So let’s load up the trucks. Make this a national movement. Start in Los Angeles, pick up Burt Reynolds in Texas, and get the bubbly to the New York state line. The Bandit is older now, and Snowman Jerry Reed is hanging out in the great saloon in the sky. Fred the bassett hound is long gone.
So what if the Bandit Express is out of commission?
We’re Americans. We’re citizens. We have a right to tell our government to leave us the heck alone. Let Michael Bloomberg try and spend his resources tracking down every last bottle. There are more of him than there are of us.
The Tygrrrr Express was created to pick up where the Bandit Express left off. The Tygrrrr Express spreads the message of freedom and liberty. A soda bottle accompanies me to every speech.
Perhaps the Tea Party Express can fill their bus with soda and distribute it at their rallies. Selling dartboards with Bloomberg holding a soda can as the center circle would make a great gift.
While originally elected as a Republican to ride Giuliani’s coattails, Bloomberg has now moved sharply to the left. Whether guns, soda, or cigarettes, restricting freedoms in the name of a better society is what liberals do. This is why conservatives exercise their first Amendment rights. We know that liberals with access to power means the rest of us have none. If Barack Obama is afraid of his own wife to the point he cannot smoke or eat a hamburger, that is his God given metrosexual beta male right. Yet if Michelle Obama or Michael Bloomberg want to treat the rest of us like children, that is when we need to defend ourselves.
So get the trucks loaded with premium. Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry and Taco Doritos are on the way.
The Obama government has drones. Citizens have radar detectors. My right to own a gun or drink soda will not be infringed.
Soda is on the way. Eastbound and down. Then back the other way.
“Flying down the highway headed west. In a streak of black lightning, called the soda express.”
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS.
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