LOS ANGELES, February 16, 2013 — In a stunning development that shocked no one, Chicago Democratic Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. pled guilty to being a Chicago Democrat. The corruption charges will result in a prison term of three-to-five years or until he is paroled for good behavior. Given that it will be tougher for him to engage in graft behind bars, he will most likely be freed fairly soon.
While Jackson will be joining former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich in prison, many other Chicago Democrats continue to roam free. As of now President Barack Obama, Mayor Rahm Emanuel, Reverend Jesse Jackson Sr. and every member of the Daley clan are enjoying wealth and power as their city burns around them (None of them have been charged with any official crimes). If Jackson lands in a safe cell behind bars, he will reduce his risk of being shot to death on the streets of his own city.
Faced with possible jail time, Jackson Jr. had two options to help him avoid prison. He could develop a medical condition or convert to Islam. He opted for the medical condition and went with bipolar disease. While many bipolar people do not commit adultery or steal from the public to furnish their expensive lifestyle, Jackson’s supporters insisted the science was as settled as global warming. Jackson Jr. still has time to convert to Islam while in prison.
Jackson continued the proud tradition of the congressional seat he won after Democrat Mel Reynolds was convicted of pedophilia. Reynolds was considered so toxic that even the Congressional Black Caucus stopped supporting him.
Jackson is not considered violent or armed, since Chicago has an outright gun ban. He is however considered dangerous to his many constituents still living in the squalor of a collapsing city.
Jackson Sr., who spent an entire Rainbow Coalition lifetime race-hustling and shaking down corporations, expressed surprise that any liberal could go to jail for illegal behavior, much less a Chicago Democrat carrying his bloodline.
None of this is expected to affect President Obama and Mayor Emanuel, who somehow managed to be the only paragons of virtue in a systemically corrupt city. Emanuel tends to answer critics by dropping f-bombs on them and then returning to letting his city spiral out of control. Emanuel enjoys absolute power and uses it absolutely. If asked why Jackson Jr. ended up this way, Obama would most likely blame a Republican culture that refuses to invest in early childhood education. If only Jackson Jr. had gone to a state run Chicago preschool, all of this could have been avoided. This is proof that government knows how to raise kids better than parents. Jackson Sr. had no comment.
If asked for additional thoughts, Jackson Sr. could “Keep hope alive.” Obama offers “Hope. Change. Yes we can.” Emanuel brings f-bombs before the word hope, knowing that his city is (f-bombing) hopeless.
Jackson Jr. insisted throughout the ordeal that since the entire city was corrupt, he as a public official should not be held to a higher standard. Several other Chicago officials yet to be indicted continued to insist that some of them actually are honest, and that Jackson Jr. gives them all a bad name.
Since Jackson Sr.’s grandchildren are too young to engage in political corruption, a mad scramble for the seat now has up to sixteen potentially corrupt Democrats fighting for the right to steal from their constituents and enrich themselves. There is no evidence as of this time that any of them will be issuing payments to the Jackson family for an endorsement to keep the seat warm. One is being attacked for refusing to ban guns and prevent more murders.
The Jackson family may avoid further punishment since the FBI has exhausted so many resources in Chicago that it now no longer has the budget to investigate anything, anywhere. Coincidentally, Democratic politicians are now celebrating in Detroit and Philadelphia.
No word exists yet on whether Jackson Sr. will lead street protests or accept the rule of law for his son. Obama has not committed to deploying returning Iraq and Afghanistan troops to Chicago’s South Side. Some war zones are too dangerous. Emanuel should just curse another reporter and light up a cigar before being warned against this from New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg.
More Chicago schoolchildren will be shot to death, but with Jackson Jr. off the streets, the rule of law may finally protect them, except when it never does.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS.
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