Scandal! Romney refuses to pay Big Bird's taxes

In another attempt to change the subject from his poor debate performance, President Obama accused Mitt Romney of not paying Big Bird's taxes.

SOUTH FLORIDA, October 9, 2012 – The aura of President Barack Obama as perfection personified crashed during his dismal debate performance against Governor Mitt Romney. Since President Obama cannot defend his first term and refuses to say what he would do in a second one, scorched Earth is the only tactic left. He has a tendency to mock and ridicule his political opponents.

This is a form of bullying, and it can be dehumanizing.

Yet this is all Mr. Obama has left. He will not treat Mr. Romney with dignity, because he does not believe Mr. Romney is worthy of that dignity.

Yet Mr. Obama is like a boxer with a glass jaw, and he has become seriously flustered since taking some heavy roundhouse debate punches. His incoherent message is a serious of mixed metaphors.

In a stunning turn of events, Mr. Obama has just launched a scathing new attack on Mr. Romney that combines every alleged Romney sin. Mr. Romney wants to kill Big Bird, cook him, eat him, sell the remaining uneaten carcass parts on Ebay, and hide the taxes on those profits in offshore accounts.

Even worse, Romney has never paid Big Bird’s taxes!

Big Bird is a billion dollar operation under the Children’s Television Workshop. He rakes in millions of dollars in investment income. Romney does not want to cut off Big Bird because PBS are a bunch of government parasites.

The opposite is true. Big Bird is the one percent.

Romney is an evil corporate raider who wants to seize Big Bird, strip him dry of all his money, and leave his dead carcass on the Street. Big Bird is just another Bain venture capital victim waiting to happen.

Mr. Obama will move heaven and earth to defend Big Bird, yet it is time to offer some cold hard truths.

It is time for Big Bird to leave the nest and fly on his own. There is zero need for him to remain a ward of the state, or in this case every state. As much as liberals pretend that everything is “for the children,” children today have many options.

From “The Wiggles” and “Yo Gabba Gabba” to “Dora the Explorer” and “Doc McStuffins,” plenty of channels exist for children.

Those caring about children should know that if Big Bird was a child in a Chicago school, he would be malnourished because Michelle Obama has forced schools to cut back on calories. Then Big Bird would spend every waking minute worrying about being shot to death. It would not be Mitt Romney firing the trigger, but the Chicago culture that treats murdered individuals as the cost of doing business.

Even if Big Bird somehow survived, he would be condemned to a life of misery and poor education under awful schoolteachers who occasionally show up to teach.

Mr. Obama can’t speak about his economic, domestic, foreign policy, or ethics record. Snarky remarks about Big Bird are all he has left. This tries to ridicule the very salient point Romney made.

There is no need for Public Broadcasting in today’s era.

Liberals don’t care about Big Bird. They care about preserving politically liberal programming at taxpayer expense. If PBS was eliminated, Big Bird would survive. Guilty private sector liberals would preserve Sesame Street.

If in the slightest of chances this did not happen, then the truth would be that Sesame Street deserved to be euthanized and liberals were lying when they pretended to care about preserving it.

Big Bird is respectful. He teaches children about personal responsibility and treating others who are different with kindness.

Mr. Obama could learn a lot from Big Bird.


Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”

Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS

Eric Golub is an independent writer for the Communities. Read more from Eric at TYGRRRR EXPRESS

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Eric Golub

Eric Golub is a politically conservative Jewish blogger, author, public speaker, and comedian. His book trilogy is “Ideological Bigotry,” “Ideological Violence,” and  “Ideological Idiocy.” 

He is Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and has lived in Los Angeles since 1990. He received his Bachelors degree from the University of Judaism, and his MBA from USC. A stockbrokerage professional since 1994, he began blogging on March 11th, 2007, the three year anniversary of the Madrid bombings and the midpoint of 9/11. He has been inflicting his world view on his unfortunate readers since then. He blogs about politics Monday through Friday, and about football and other human interest items on weekends.



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