LOS ANGELES, May 10, 2012 — In a stunning development for those who are easily stunned by the obvious, President Barack Obama finally admitted his true feelings. Those specializing in gay divorce law and homosexual family therapy have as much right to make a living as their heterosexual counterparts. The announcement was shocking only in the sense that President Obama usually seems to be against commerce for everyone regardless of sexual orientation.
Gay divorce lawyers and family therapists immediately began celebrating their newfound potential wealth.
All over the globe, potential headlines of realistic conversations emerged.
“Honey, I am glad we got married, but you can take out the trash and lift the lid next time! Also, put back the d@mn toothpaste tube.”
“Teenage boys fail to get a ‘hot girl exemption.’ Hey, we have needs too!”
“Oh yeah, well if you love it so much, why don’t you marry it? Fine, I will!”
Only one question remains. Now that President Obama has officially backed gay marriage, can he finally cut taxes and use force with Iran and Syria?
Yes, we all know that the politically correct thing to do, depending on your ideology, is either celebrate or riot in the streets. President Obama is either the lord almighty or the devil who betrayed. Sorry, but some of us have a different attitude. Trying really hard to pretend to care about his announcement is not working.
President Obama announced his support for gay marriage. This is not a bombshell. This is not even a Gulf War I Scud attack. This announcement is as hollow as the Announcer in Chief.
Those on both sides of the gay marriage debate need to calm down and realize what Mr. Obama’s announcement was. It was not the Emancipation Proclamation. It was the Pontification Proclamation.
The P2 was a surprise given that it was widely expected Mr. Obama would fib to the American people and ambush them in January of 2013. Whether it was a sincere belief, political expediency, or Joe Biden “gaffing” the timeline forward, none of that matters. President Obama should have his views in the public square. Now that he has confirmed how he really feels, an honest discussion on this issue can take place. In fact, the real celebration should be that for the first time in his political career, he actually took a stand on something. Mr. Obama did not vote “present” this time.
Yet his announcement is not cause for celebration or condemnation. When the shock (again for those who somehow are possibly the least bit surprised) wears off, perspective requires an honest analysis of what transpired.
President Obama did not “do” anything. He “said” something.
Can anybody imagine this man, who is all talk and no action, lifting a finger to take action on a contentious issue in an election year? If the gay community or social conservatives think that his remarks equate to Abraham Lincoln or Martin Luther King speeches, reality tests should be administered.
This was not a policy. This was not an executive order. This was not a proposed Constitutional amendment.
This was a man expressing his feelings.
Quietly lost in all of the hoopla is his corollary that the states should decide the issue.
Status quo anyone?
What is next for Mr. Obama, declaring that states should have different drunk driving laws?
Rachel Maddow will burn her bra (shudder) in praise of her lord and savior Barack Obama. Some on the very far right (which the left will use to pillory all conservatives) will bring up stoning to death and the slippery slope leading to relations between human beings and goats.
Then when people calm down they will realize that all Barack Obama did was placate people he needs and anger people he already disregards. Candidate Obama said that out-of-wedlock children in the black community was a problem, and that he wanted stronger father figures in black neighborhoods. Did he ever lead on the issue? No. If he cannot even take the lead on something as non-controversial as that, does anybody really think his words on a powderkeg social issue will lead to anything?
The future of gay marriage will be debated. Yet news does not come from hot-air ruminations. News comes from policy changes. The Emancipation Proclamation was irrelevant at the time it was spoken. When The Union defeated the Confederacy in the Civil War, Lincoln’s words finally mattered.
Yes, great speeches can inspire a nation. Yet this was not a great speech. It was just a public display by a man who likes everything about him to be public. He did the right thing by coming clean. That does not change the perception of him as a weak, timid, risk-averse individual who spends more time on slogans than policy.
So praise or condemn him if you must, but until people see what Toby Keith calls “a little less talk and a lot more action,” the appropriate response is to shrug.
Mr. Obama, just shock the world. Actually do something. Better yet, do things that matter and do them this instant. Cut taxes and handle Iran and Syria.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian.
Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.” Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. After years of dating liberals, he has finally seen the light and now only dates Republican Jewish women. His family is pleased over this. Republican, Jewish women, you may contact Eric above.
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Eric Golub is an independent writer for the Communities. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog.
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