LOS ANGELES, June 21, 2012 — Welcome to the first day of summer, June 21st. (For some arcane astronomical reason, summer started on the 20th this year. Never mind). That can only mean one thing: it is time for the 2012 list of the Top 30 Political Women.
There is nothing sexier than brains and power, unless it is brains and beauty. In that spirit that I have compiled a list of the Top 30 Hottest Political Women.
There are some stunning women in politics, but finding 30, let alone the Top 30, wasn’t easy. Politics is mostly powerful bald white guys. Henry Kissinger called power the “ultimate aphrodisiac,” but these guys are no one’s idea of “hot.”
The list has been divided into the top-ten liberals, centrists, and conservatives. Age is no barrier. Hot is hot.
To add a touch of PC liberalism to this project, some women have been left off of the list to give others who are less deserving a chance. Had Sarah Palin or Michele Bachmann won the nomination, I would have to put them in the top spot. Their combination of brains and beauty deserves to be on the list, but they will be punished for being too deserving.
Michelle Malkin stays off the list because I am afraid of her.
Ann Romney is a great and inspiring woman, and also lovely, but I’m leaving candidates’ wives off the list. Thus, while many find Michelle Obama sexy, and while she’s undoubtedly got more political clout than other liberals listed, she’s also out.
Shannon Doherty has a lifetime beauty award. The moment she gets back into politics, she rockets to the top because she is Shannon Doherty.
10. The New Media Goddesses: Social networking has brought a bevy of new beauties onto the scene. Tabitha Hale is on the Freedomworks circuit; Bettina Inclan is the Republican National Committee director of Hispanic outreach; Dana Loesch works for the Breitbart entities; and Amanda Read writes for Communities at Washington Times.
9. A pair of youthful Republican ladies are all grown up. Dee Dee Benkie is the former President of the National Federation of Young Republicans. Now she is the National Committeewoman from Indiana. Julia Hurley is a former Hooters waitress who is now a member of the Tennessee Legislature.
8. Fox News Legal Bombshells: There are so many Fox News lovelies, but this is the year where a couple of prosecutors get their due after being incorrectly overlooked in the past. Megyn Kelly lays down the law during the day. Kimberly Guilfoyle is a co-host of The 5. She bounces in her chair to the music, which she knows drives the male audience insane.
7. Kelly Ayotte: The United States Senator from New Hampshire is a rising star from a political and beauty standpoint.
6. Sethrida Greagea: This rabid right winger is the head of the Lebanon Forces Party. Her husband spent time in jail, and she is a determined warrior.
5. Pam Bondi: The Florida Attorney General is a tough as nails prosecutor who simply looks stunning. She is the lead plaintiff in the fight to derail Obamacare. If the Supreme Court overturns the law, she will rocket up this list next year.
4. Lisa Roper: The National Federation of Republican Women is the only reason the GOP ever wins anything as long as we live. Many of these ladies refer to themselves as “blue hairs,” but Lisa Roper is proof that the NFRW is getting younger and hotter. She is a member of the leadership, which the NFRW and men everywhere should be happy about.
3. Victoria Delaguerra Seaman: She just ran for the Nevada Assembly. She lost by exactly nine votes, and now there is a recount. If the vote were men-only, she would win by a landslide.
2. Mara Carfagna: This former topless dancer is now Italy’s Minister of Equal Opportunity. Who brought her to power? Bunga Bunga Sex Partier Silvio Berlusconi. Do not be fooled by her title. You have zero opportunity to date her or have her job. She is one of the most beautiful women on Earth, and missed out on the top spot due to a unique situation.
1. Rebecca Kleefisch: The Lieutenant Governor of Wisconsin faced a recall election with Governor Scott Walker. A loss would have hurt her on this list, but the decisive victory merits the top spot. The crush most men have on her is nothing compared to the crushing blow her win did to the public sector unions. They are as hellacious as she is heavenly. A top enemy of the left deserves to be the top of any list of loveliness.
10. Angela Gerekou: She is a member of the Greek Parliament and is also their tourism minister. The country would not be broke if more people knew about her.
9. Christa Markwalder: This Switzerland liberal is actually a centrist, since Switzerland liberals are actually Libertarians.
8. Yuri Fujikawa: Japanese city councilwoman. She had a life before politics, and the pictures show it to be a fascinating one.
7. Nicole Petallides: Fox Business beauty who gets paid to distract people from all of their market losses. With that look, she succeeds.
6. Lauren Simonetti: another Fox Business beauty. The function is the same, and just as effective. The Doublemint Twins are now brunettes working for Fox Business. No wonder business is good.
5. Joanna Mucha: Member of the Polish Lower House. Poland does get overlooked from time to time, but now we know why it was so important for the Berlin Wall to come down.
4. Emma Kiernan: Young politico in Ireland. For some reason images of bangers and mash keep occurring, but that could be related to England only and not Ireland. Either way, rumors of the conflict in Northern Ireland being fought over her may or may not be true.
3. Kendra Carter: A rabid Ron Paul supporter who is one of the young guns helping to seize the GOP from the establishment. In her 20s and with several tattoos, she somehow comes across as different from so many of the other Paul supporters who face criticism. It could be her body. She is the Secretary of the Yellowstone County Republican Central Committee, the largest such group of its kind in Montana. She could storm the Mountain West just by flashing her eyes at people. Yet an extreme situation kept her out of the top spot.
2. Erin Burnett: Works for CNN, which is why many people have not heard of her. If she left CNN its audience would approach absolute zero. She is a goddess of beauty and the only thing left at the last place Cable News Network worth focusing on.
1. Colombian Call Girls: The Secret Service Scandal that rocked the White House is just another example of why women control this world. To prevent this scandal from happening again, the only solution is to ban men from becoming Secret Service agents. The whole point of having access to power is to gain access to sizzling South American women.
10. A pair of new media feminists. Not all feminists are hideously ugly:
Jill Filipovic is the woman behind the Feministe site.
Jessica Valenti started an in-your-face site entitled Feministing. Draw your own conclusions. Be afraid of these women. Be very afraid.
9. Julia Bonk: This German legislator entered the political arena at age 18. Now she is 24 and her career is blossoming, among other things.
8. A pair of Kirstens:
Kirsten Gillibrand is the junior Senator from New York. Any woman looks lovely compared to Chuck Schumer, but she is a beauty in her own right.
Kirsten Powers used to date Anthony Weiner. Now she is that rare breed, a liberal Democrat who actually calls out her own side when they cross the line. Integrity is a very hot quality.
7. Julie Roginsky: There are plenty of Democratic strategists, but she is one of the most tenacious. She looks hot when she does her righteous indignation pose, which is frequently.
6. Stephanie Miller: Founder of the Sexy Liberal Comedy Tour. While it may be just a bunch of anti-Palin and anti-Bush jokes, perhaps she is better than most liberal comedians. To call oneself sexy requires backing it up. She does.
5. Margie Omero: Another Democratic strategist. She takes a more pleasant approach, but still gets her points across effectively. Her looks do not hurt in this regard.
4. Tamara Holder: A bleeding heart defense attorney who actually cares for the people she represents. Her unpretentiousness and lack of phoniness makes her a rare breed in the legal arena. She is also quite easy on the eyes.
3. Leslie Marshall: Liberal radio host. She may be the hottest liberal radio host, but with competition from Ed Schultz and Alan Colmes that is not too tough. She is a fierce debater. Her verbal combat skills are matched only by her pleasant nature and warm smile.
2. Alina Kabaeva: She has lit up Russia. In 2011 she was rumored to be romantically involved with Vladimir Putin. Now she is a member of the Russian legislature. She belongs to… what else? Of course, the pro-Putin party. Her eyes could kill, but people should fear her alleged boyfriend even more.
1. A pair of Evas reign supreme:
Eva Longoria rocketed to stardom on Desperate Housewives. The entire first season of the show was about her frolicking around scantily clad. This Latin sex goddess played Gabriele Solis, a vapid woman who got by on her looks. She announced after the show ended that she would dedicate the next few months solely to helping reelect President Obama. Sadly, art may be imitating life.
Eva Kaili is a Greek member of Parliament. The country is going down in flames, but she is a raging beauty among the financial carnage. Greece is known for the Acropolis and the Olympics. Now it is know for her.
Staring at all of these women can be exhausting. A nap is now in order. Time to count sheep, or in my case, a certain brunette’s (redacted).
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian.
Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.” Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. After years of dating liberals, he has finally seen the light and now only dates Republican Jewish women. His family is pleased over this. Republican, Jewish women, you may contact Eric above.
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Eric Golub is an independent writer for the Communities. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog.
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