LOS ANGLES, July 18, 201 – Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly cuts right to the bone ~ attr: dorothy Parker.
That is why America will soon have the list of the Top 10 Ugliest Women in Politics.
This accidental column was inspired by the overwhelmingly positive reception received by the annual Top 30 Hottest Women in Politics. The column was published on June 21st, and several radio interviews ensued.
Austin Hill is a top conservative talk show host in Boise, Idaho. He guest hosted the July 4th “Bryan and Brian” show based out of Washington, DC. My interview with him on Independence Day took place at 5:00am. Take a young man with screws loose, deprive him of sleep, unleash him on the radio-listening world in the Nation’s Capital, and then watch fireworks develop only sixteen hours before the real ones later that night.
Mr. Hill asked if there were any complaints about my Top 30 Hottest Women in Politics. Most of the responses were positive. Several of the women on the list privately thanked me for the compliment.
Some of them publicly thanked me.
The only women complaining were the hideously ugly feminists who had no chance of making the list anyway.
(Receiving hate mail from over-privileged, upper-middle class white college girls with zero life experience or history of oppression is always amusing.)
Mr. Hill asked me if other lists were forthcoming. I responded that a list of the ugliest women in politics was forthcoming.
This is why people should not do radio interviews at 5:00am. Too tired to come up with creative lies, saying what I actually meant would have been self-censored if not for being coherent.
Once the Tygrrrr was out of the cage, the only honorable thing to do was write the list.
So to Mr. Hill, who opened up a Pandora’s Box that will inevitably lead to me getting more hate mail, the following curse words are offered.
Thank you sir.
The perpetually enraged feminists never grasped that the list of most beautiful women was about inner as well as, if not more so, than outer beauty. The women were physically stunning, but also accomplished. Brains are sexy, and those women for the most part had brains in abundance.
The ugliest women are not being graded on their looks. The perpetually enraged feminists can sit down and stay silent for once. This competition is totally about character, substance, empathy, warmth, and other qualities lacking in these women.
So for those who want a list filled with cheap shots at Madeleine Albright, Janet Reno, and Janet Napolitano, go somewhere else. None of them come across as malicious, and malice is ugliness in its truest and purest form.
Michelle Obama is not on the list. She has certainly had her angry, mean-spirited moments. She sometimes acts like Marie Antoinette, barely concealing her contempt for the American peasants. Yet other women are worse.
In what may be the most shocking and controversial decision, Helen Thomas is not on the list. This is solely because she was forcibly retired from politics. She would have topped the list for years at a time.
Therefore, a creative compromise is in order for this woman who attacked Republicans and Jews with equal ferocity until her last day on the job.
While she will not make this list, she gets the lifetime achievement award equivalent. From now on this list is forever known as the Helen Thomas Ugliest Women in Politics list. Dishonorable mentions go to every member of the media who covered up and made excuses for her behavior. She knew exactly what she was saying and doing, and it was vile.
Let’s dispense with the inevitable questions.
“Why women? What about the ugliest men in politics?”
That list is most likely being created by feminists as we speak. They will most likely put me at the top of the list rather than less deserving people such as Bashar Assad or Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Lists of evil conservative men have existed for decades. One token metrosexual made the list of women, since nobody knows what metrosexuals actually are.
“What about diversity?”
The list adheres to all the rigid liberal criteria of diversity, although that was coincidental.
“Is the list ideologically balanced?”
Liberals have never cared about ideological balance anywhere else in society, so now is not the time to start.
So who is on the list?
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian.
Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.” Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. After years of dating liberals, he has finally seen the light and now only dates Republican Jewish women. His family is pleased over this. Republican, Jewish women, you may contact Eric above.
Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS
Eric Golub is an independent writer for the Communities. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog.
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