LOS ANGELES, December 20, 2012 ― Hillary Clinton is back in the news with a headache.
For several days the media were rightly focused on the horrific shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. America grieved for twenty children and the families who’ll be left with gaping holes at Christmas.
But while all of this was going on, there were other horrors unfolding all around the globe that should also fill our hearts with sorrow. The world is on fire, and plenty of people won’t celebrate Christmas this year, killed by stupidity and indifference.
These include United States Ambassador Chris Stevens, a pair of Navy SEALs, a U.S. border guard, and people murdered by the ineptitude of U.S. government gunrunners. There’s bitter irony in a government that demands gun control while it has blood on its hands via the guns it spread with operation “Fast and Furious”.
Benghazi is the tip of an iceberg, but hot spots are everywhere in what is becoming a global conflagration.
In Egypt, President Morsi seized powers making him dictator for life, but had to step back after massive protests. Who does he think he is, president of a teachers’ union? Then again, Tahrir Square may not be as dangerous as a public school. The Egyptian military and police can secure their schools. It would be nice if America could do the same.
Iran claims to have captured a United States drone. The Secret Service confirmed that Barack Obama, Al Gore, John Kerry and Hillary Clinton are all safe and sound. Iran is lying, and no drones have been captured. Neverthless, they are still led by cataclysmic mullahs while the West does nothing.
In Bahrain, Islamists claimed that they were protesting Kim Kardashian when she tried to open up a store selling her brand. This is a lie. They were there to ogle her like every other man on the planet. Nobody cares what she has to say, so nothing she said could have angered even them. Also, they cannot be against her brand because nobody knows exactly what that is. It’s like listening to Shimon Peres or Don King. Being incomprehensible is an absolute defense to being objectionable.
For those wondering if anything involving a Kardashian makes it acceptable to support the Islamists, this is a very close call. However, freedoms exist to protect the most offensive of us in society. So this one time it is acceptable to support the Kardashians. If it had been Katy Perry, then flip a coin. The National organization for Women naturally had no comment.
Then there is Benghazi, Libya. Three months after four Americans were murdered, the White House continues to stonewall. President Obama claims that he will “get to the bottom” of who the real killers of Ambassador Stevens were in Benghazi and “hold them accountable.” O.J. Simpson also wanted to find the real killers.
No, President Obama did not kill anybody, but both men vowed to work hard for justice by chipping golf balls.
In the wake of an independent panel review blaming the State Department for what went wrong there, Hillary Clinton is doing her best Life-Alert bracelet infomercial imitation. She has fallen and can’t get up, claiming a concussion.
The National Football League should send their best concussion specialists to Clinton’s home and ask her, “are you injured or hurt?” If injured, she should not leave her home until doctors clear her medically. If she is only hurt, she should be able to engage in activities such as walking, sitting, and testifying about Benghazi.
The “honey I have a headache” strategem may not explain Hillary Clinton’s behavior over the last few decades, but it certainly may explain her husband Bill’s behavior. Men do not like fake headaches or dishonesty, especially when it involves murdered Americans. Concussions can cause permanent memory loss, so Americans should be prepared for Hillary to be given a lifetime “I forgot” medical card. Her rolodex is filled with eager defenders who will play nursemaid to her as she “heals.” They bring flowers, food and drink, her favorite dish being skewers of Susan Shishkebob, complete with McDougal and Rice and bottled Whitewater to quench it down.
Keeping with the infomercial theme, when will somebody see the Director of National Intelligence either hawking products on Home Shopping Network or the truth in front of Congress? Only an Obama official could sell that product. Clap on! Clap off! It’s the useless light switch that never goes on and off properly. It’s the (DNI James) Clapper!
It comes in the color white, is male, and is follically challenged. Therefore it can be criticized without fears of liberals calling you a racist and turning your lights out!
The Clapper! Buy it wherever Obama cabinet officials and other failed products are bought and sold. Not sold in Benghazi where product failure leads to dead ambassadors and Navy SEALs. Extra tax in California. Warning, does not cure diseases such as Radical Islam or lying about it.
Meanwhile, other countries are holding American citizens hostage. Mexico has locked up an American veteran for failing to fill out a form correctly, and other Americans are being detained around the globe. Naturally the State Department, run by Hillary, is showing the world the utter uselessness of the State Department. There is diplomacy going on behind the scenes, also known as “tough inaction.” President Obama was asked about the hostages, to which he replied that the State Department is actually working on freeing middle class tax cuts being held by Republicans.
Speaking of Mexico, more guns have been linked to dead people thanks to the botched “Fast and Furious” investigation. President Obama wants to enact strict gun control laws. Conservatives believe the private sector does a better job of policing matters than the federal government. At least the private sector is not engaging in gunrunning. How can gun control laws be enforced when Attorney General Holder is releasing a larger arsenal than some Mexican Cartels own?
At least Bashar Assad in Syria is behaving since the media would never ignore genocide, except when they usually do.
Everyone can stop worrying. President Obama and Eric Holder will just propose a world conversation, given the success their foreign policy diplomacy has already delivered.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS. Read more from Eric at TYGRRRR EXPRESS
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