LOS ANGELES, October 5, 2011—For those wondering how Liberals win elections despite being total failures at governing, the answer is as simple as the scorched Earth Barack Obama will leave behind on the road to 2013.
- Since the Left cannot defeat the Right on policy, they resort to politics of the personal.
- The Left despises conservative Republicans.
- Every single conservative is by definition either evil or stupid.
A Conservative is targeted, and whichever narrative is the least preposterous determines the selected method. For instance:
- Even the Leftists who have bedtime fantasies about murdering Dick Cheney cannot dispute his intelligence. Therefore, he is evil, the reincarnation of Darth Vader.
- Dan Quayle is one of the kindest human beings on the planet. No Liberal could craft a believable narrative of him as mean-spirited, so he must be a complete dunderhead.
Sometimes the Left has a difficult time choosing between stupid and evil, so they declare the Conservative to be both, even though being an evil mastermind and being an imbecile are directly contradictory.
George W. Bush was stupid and evil in turn, depending on the day of the week.
The Left prefers to play the stupid card over the evil card because evil acknowledges intelligence. When merely being stupid or evil is insufficient, the Left adds on another pair of favored adjectives, those being “crazy” and “bigoted.”
John McCain was a nice lovable loser in 2008 who somehow became evil and racist when it seemed he might win in 2008. Then he lost and was loved again by the Left, who lamented that he could not have been the nice guy all along while they were obliterating his character for Barack Obama.
The only serious 2008 GOP candidate who escaped the evil label was Fred Thompson. He was not considered Southern enough to be racist and stupid, so a compromise epithet was directed at him pending his emergence as a threat.
Until then, he would be called “lazy.”
So in simplistic liberal fashion, let’s unfairly categorize all of the GOP candidates. Debunking the myths and getting to the truth can come later, which for liberals would be the day after the election.
Newt Gingrich: Evil. He was the guy in 1994 who was going to beat up schoolchildren and steal their school lunches. He tried to save Medicare, which meant he wanted seniors thrown out on the street to die.
Rick Santorum: Evil. As a prominent social Conservative, he will also be labeled a bigot. Given that he is a Northerner, the racism card will not work. Therefore, he is an anti-gay bigot. Social conservatives have to be guilty of hating somebody.
Herman Cain: Stupid. The racism card will not work because he is black. The self-loathing card is too risky to play against him because it has not been tested, and he seems happy. He smiles a lot, which helps him. He can be labeled stupid because he speaks in a thick, black, Southern dialect, and everybody from Jon Stewart (who already has) to the rest of the liberal media will play the dumb, Southern, black stereotype.
Rick Perry: Stupid. He is a white Southerner, so the temptation is to call him evil. Yet he fractures his syntax, and the stupid card is tougher to overcome. The Left will take the narrative that does the most damage. As a white Southerner he is obviously a racist.
Haley Barbour Evil. Barbour opted not to run for fear of being called a white Southern racist. At least Barbour can take comfort in knowing that he would have been labeled as evil and not stupid. He has the thick drawl, but everybody knows how wily he is.
Michele Bachmann: Stupid, evil, and crazy. As a female conservative, she would have to be burned beyond recognition. She occasionally misspeaks, and she is a social conservative with deep religious convictions. This means she hates women, since Liberal women judge all humanity on the abortion issue.
Therefore, the Left needs to douse her in verbal gasoline, set her ablaze, and then beat her charred remains with a baseball bat. Then they will get nasty with her. Pray for her loved ones.
Sarah Palin: Stupid. Palin has not made an announcement, but she can take comfort in knowing that she will most likely get away with only being stupid. The evil and crazy labels never really stuck. She will always be the woman who could see Russia from her house, even though it was Tina Fey who said that.
Mitt Romney: Evil. This is the toughest one for the Left. His intelligence is not disputed. He is a Northerner so the racist card fails. Playing the anti-gay card won’t work. Even his being Mormon won’t allow the crazy card to be played because he is too dang normal. He is a nice, funny, likable guy. Yet the Left needs something, and Mitt Romney does have a tenuous connection to Wall Street. At some point in his life he has had to lay off employees. He is Satan’s banker.
Tim Pawlenty: Evil. Pawlenty would have been even tougher for liberals. He also is an intelligent, likable, funny guy who is not racist or crazy. Yet the left was able to paint John McCain evil, so they could have done the same with the guy so easygoing he was known as T-Paw. There was a Minnesota government shutdown after he left office, which would have been blamed on him.
Chris Christie: Evil. Christie opted out, and Rudy Giuliani has not declared either way. Both of these men would be evil. They cut taxes, supported supply side growth policies, and crushed unions. Mr. Giuliani is also a Neocon. These men both join Scott Walker as most often superimposed with Adolf Hitler mustaches by the enlightened, tolerant, Left.
Ron Paul, Gary Johnson, and Jon Huntsman are escaping the labels for now. This is because the demonization only is directed at conservatives. Being a registered Republican is not enough. Liberal Republicans temporarily escape receiving the brutality, especially if they attack other Republicans and conservatives.
Jon Huntsman is a liberal Republican attacking his fellow GOP competitors with cheap shots that make leftists proud. John McCain tried this in 2008 and it failed. Barack Obama is the leftist god (small g despite his own God complex), and if Huntsman were to ever gain support from people not working in the liberal media, it would evaporate once he became a threat to Obama.
Ron Paul and Gary Johnson are not conservatives. They are Libertarians. They hold anti-war positions totally in sync with the left wing of the Democratic Party. They attack traditional Republican positions, and the Left hates Neocons almost as much as pro-lifers. Gary Johnson is pro-choice and Ron Paul is seen as non-threatening on the abortion issue. They can call themselves “constitutional conservatives,” but the label is irrelevant. They are at odds with the traditional GOP candidates, making them less hated for now. Also, they support stoners and liberals and have plenty of both in their ranks.
In case Paul Ryan, Marco Rubio, or Colonel Allen West think of running, they will all be labeled “evil.” Colonel West will also be called “crazy” due to his military service. He will be accused of having Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Now that every GOP candidate has had his or her character assassinated, the analysis of Barack Obama is very simple.
Despite his many verbal gaffes, he is not stupid. He is not nearly as brilliant as he is made out to be, but 99.7% of people fall within three standard deviations of the center of average. Obama is mediocre, no better or worse.
He is not evil. Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, bin Laden, and Saddam Hussein were evil. Obama is a democratically elected leader.
He may not be a racist, but he does seem to have severe disdain for conservatives. This is ideological bigotry, but he is a class warrior, not a race, gender, or religious warrior.
He is not crazy. He believes in some farfetched ideas, but no evidence suggests that he gets into arguments with random objects.
President Obama is simply wrong on virtually everything that matters. He is wrong on domestic policy and foreign policy. He gets things right from time to time because even a blinking alarm clock is right twice per day. Yet his constantly being wrong has made him a failed president.
He has failed, and like any other human being who fails at his job for too long a period in too serious a manner, he needs to be fired.
If only the Left could describe his GOP competitors that way. If only liberals could see conservatives as a noble opposition who simply disagree on policy.
The Left is all about freezing targets, personalizing them, and polarizing us all.
Hope, change, and “Yes, we can” have now been replaced with slash, burn, and toss in the gutter politics. This is the only way the left can win.
Welcome to the Barack Obama stupid, evil, crazy, racist 2012 reelection campaign.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian.
Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.” Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. After years of dating liberals, he has finally seen the light and now only dates Republican Jewish women. His family is pleased over this. Republican, Jewish women, you may contact Eric above.
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Eric Golub is an independent writer for the Communities. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog.
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