LOS ANGELES, August 23, 2011—In a stunning turn of events, Los Angeles Congresswoman Maxine Waters has begged tea party members to visit her district. She delivered this plea in a forceful message that was roundly misunderstood.
Maxine Waters emphatically told tea partiers to “go to hell.”
Pundits across the political spectrum saw this as an insult. Given how lovely and gracious Ms. Waters is, those who know her best are shocked that her reaching across the aisle was misinterpreted. She wants the tea partiers as close to her as possible.
“Go to hell” does not mean “get lost.” It means “come and visit.”
The reason why her message got lost in the fog is because most people do not know what she and those in her city have known for years.
Her district IS hell.
Crime runs rampant, unemployment is out of control, and street vendors actually have permits to sell hopelessness. When Barack Obama said “Yes, we can,” even she knew he did not mean salvation for her district.
She knows that during her tenure, her district has gotten worse, which says a lot. She represents the angry, enraged welfare class quite well, given that she has never actually held a real job. She was on welfare, and then got rich exploiting her constituents. The ethics committee is currently investigating her for financial improprieties.
She is so politically toxic that it is no wonder that President Obama would not want to bring his campaign bus anywhere near her area. Also, he does not want to get carjacked.
With the president boycotting her district, her only hope to improve the economy is to reach out to the tea partiers. Many of them have disposable income, and she wants them to engage in transfer payments to her constituents. Unlike most of the free services they get, these transfer payments would actually result in the tea partiers getting stuff in the form of goods and services.
When she told the tea partiers not only to go to hell but that she would “help them get there,” she meant that she would personally drive them into her part of the city. Not since Morgan Freeman drove Miss Daisy has somebody been so desperate to lug people around.
She needs the commerce.
Maxine Waters is a hero for reaching out. After all, her district is only ten percent white, with 34% black and 47% Hispanic. Many of the tea party people are Caucasoids. She is inviting them due to her deep commitment to diversity. I applaud that she not only allows white people to visit bad neighborhoods in Los Angeles, but that she actively invites them into her warm heart and land.
I say the tea party should accept her offer to visit hell with a mass entrance into the heart of the Southern California danger zone. Those coming from other states can stop off at the Nevada border to buy bullet proof vests and flak jackets before visiting the land of failure where never still Waters run shallow. Mr. Obama has Secret Service protection, and he is not visiting. Hollywood celebrities with their private bodyguards do not travel East of Beverly Hills. Tea Partiers, be wary. Like Colonel Ghadafi, Congressman Waters has loyal constituents. Some of them are not too kind to strangers visiting their part of the city.
In the interest of the liberal subjectively defined standard of civility, everybody please thank Ms. Waters for having the courage to put aside partisan politics and reach out to the heartland. Maybe they will give up their happy lives in functional Middle America to visit the rot and misery that is the burning cauldron of failure of Maxinistan, Los Angeles.
For those currently vacationing in Martha’s Vineyard, Downtown Los Angeles is not for you. Only the truly special among us are worthy of entering the not-so-pearly gates of hell that is California’s 35th congressional district.
The Tea Party makes no promise about visiting Maxine’s Inferno, but the invitation is still appreciated. All we ask in return is that when Ms. Waters flees her own district either due to indictment or a simple desire for a better (meaning any) quality of life, that she not come to our district.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog.
Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.” Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. After years of dating liberals, he has finally seen the light and now only dates Republican Jewish women. His family is pleased over this. Republican, Jewish women, you may contact Eric above.
Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS
Eric Golub is an independent writer for the Communities.
This article is the copyrighted property of the writer and Communities @ WashingtonTimes.com. Written permission must be obtained before reprint in online or print media. REPRINTING TWTC CONTENT WITHOUT PERMISSION AND/OR PAYMENT IS THEFT AND PUNISHABLE BY LAW.