WYTHE CO., Va., October 11, 2012 — After watching the format of the first debate fall to the wayside, it is obvious a change is necessary to assure the rest of the debates stick to the rules.
Who better to maintain the integrity of the debates than the “Pawn Stars?”
Ten reasons why this would be a good decision.
1. Since the Pawn Stars shop is located in Las Vegas, the staff has heard every possible story and every possible excuse. In short, you cannot con a con man.
2. To participate, Obama has to supply his birth certificate, and Romney must supply the rest of his tax returns for authentication. With the usual host of document experts available to validate or dismiss what the candidates submit, this should put to rest any remaining controversy.
3. Any attempts to go over the allotted time or bully the moderator would be dealt with swiftly by the Mack truck posing as a security guard. He would give a whole new meaning to the title Sargent At Arms.
4. Should either candidate make questionable claims or call on obscure facts, the team of Pawn Stars experts would be available to fact check on the spot.
5. If after 90 days the winning candidate has not kept his promises, he gets his ticket punched and forfeits his position.
6. The “old man” would let the participants know they are boring by nodding off.
7. Chumley would be a lot more entertaining as a moderator.
8. There would be no cheating, because everyone knows if you cheat in Las Vegas you get a pair of concrete shoes and get tossed off the Hoover Dam.
9. If the candidates are appealing enough they get a spin off show of their own, maybe even on PBS, if it is still around.
10. And last but certainly not least, Chumley would save Big Bird.
So there you have it; a solution to all the problems encountered during the first debate. In this situation however, what happens in Vegas will definitely not stay in Vegas.