RESTON, VA, November 24, 2011 -- Yep, it's Thanksgiving morning, and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade is already underway, being televised by CBX and NBC-TV. Let NBC's PR blurb tell you what you're allegedly going to see:
"Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade celebrates its 80th Anniversary! First time parade host Meredith Vieira joins veteran Matt Lauer for this spectacular, annual celebration. America's favorite Thanksgiving Day parade features all the amazing pageantry, fun and surprises that have made this annual New York City extravaganza a perennial favorite. Heralding the start of the Christmas season, this beloved holiday parade features colorful grand floats, lively marching bands, amazing character balloons and special performances by some of today's hottest stars and Broadway performers -- plus an appearance by Santa Claus.
"Celebrating the start of the holiday season and the parade's anniversary will be performers from stage, screen and music. Riding down Broadway atop one of the parade's moving stages will be Julie Andrews, Laurie Berkner, Chris Brown, Cheyenne, Ciara, Miley Cyrus, Diana DeGarmo, Gloria Estefan, Renee Fleming, Grandma from the Big Apple Circus, Natalie Grant, Hall & Oates, the cast of Disney Channel's High School Musical, Jonas Brothers, Josh Kelley, Darlene Love, Barry Manilow, Sarah McLachlan, Miss U.S.A 2006-Tara Conner, Sandi Patty, and John Tartaglia. NBC stars Masi Oka ("Heroes"), Ali Larter ("Heroes"), Denise Van Outen ("Grease: You're THe One That I Want") and Connie Britton ("Friday Night Lights") will also make appearances."
(Link to Macy's parade map here.)
Real Eastern Turkeys, courtesy of the NWTF (Courtesy: National Wild Turkey Federation--no kidding.)
In reality, what you're seeing and are going to see are an awful lot of commercials and plugs, unlike those broadcasts of yesteryear when they'd actually show you some of the parade. Since yours truly has decided to mostly take a holiday and actually good off today, we'll liveblog the last hour of the broadcast just for the halibut. (It's even worse on ABC, which is televising Philadelphia's parade while mostly showcasing Dunkin' Donuts.)
11:00. Let's try CBS. More crass commercialism as the Pillsbury Doughboy balloon-float passes by. Inane observation: Christine (they are not listing the names of the hosts. says the Doughboy inspired the giant Mr. Sta-Puft marshmallow man who appeared in the original "Ghostbusters." Bzzzt, wrong again, overpaid announcer girl. Mr. Sta-Puft inspired Mr. Sta-Puft. Amazing how dense our overpaid announcers, reporters, narrators are these days. (CBS is not listing the names of the hosts, sounds like Christina McCarthy and Kevin Frazier. Who are they?)
11:15. Shameless plug for another TV "Christmas special," Elf on the Shelf. These elves allegedly help Santa discover who's naughty and who's nice. All along, I thought it was actually the moms and dads who were Santa's secret plants. Who knew?
11:16. Parade is coming live from the Hard Rock Cafe in Manhattan. What happend to Macy's?
11:27. Alright, we're cooking now. Your friendly neighborhood Spider Man shows up in his helium balloon manifestation. Our hosts call the current Broadway show a "big hit." Am I missing something, or were they actually able to open this Broadway turkey for real? Do people actually buy tickets for it?
Spider Man balloon about to be sent aloft for the Macy's parade.
11:30. Switching to NBC. Maybe I can see more of the parade. Blurb: "Hosted by Matt Lauer, Ann Curry and Al Roker, and guest starring Cee Lo Green, Mary J. Blige, Avril Lavigne and many, many more."
11:31. Oops, straight to Citibank rewards-point credit cards commercial. 'Tis the season. Next up: Playskool. Segueway, giving tiny presents while offering Folger's in your cup. "Smash," Monday after superbowl on NBC.
(Link Here: Priceless video of a 1960s Folger's Coffee commercial, "fresh-perked" instant, no less. Note: 2011 wives, watch closely. Then tell us how bad you've got it today. BTW, Folgers, whose brand originated years ago in San Francisco, is now actually owned by Smucker's. Go figure.)
11:39. Actually now seeing Alma Boliviana, a DC-area ethnic dance ensemble dressed in green and looking like leprachauns on St. Paddy's Day. But hey, it's part of the show.
11:40. Moving right along, it's Dora the Explora (Explorer). Her exploits are highlighted by a badly lip-synched song and dance act. BTW, this version of the parade is actually being staged in front of Macy's flagship store.
11:41. Band from Legacy HS, Colorado, playing Winter Wonderland. Hey, looks like if we stick with NBC, we might actually see some of the parade. "He'll say are ya married, we'll say No Man! But you can do the job when we're in town."
Unidentified marching band from previous Macy's parade. (Credit: Macy's.)
11:42. Johnny Weir, 3x US Champ and medalist (ice skating) astride a float waving away.
11:44. Papa and Mama Smurf in front of their muschroom house, while Clumsy Smurf, giant balloon edition, follows behind, "courtesy of SONY Pictures home entertainment. DVDs anyone?
11:45. Universal Florida sends a few of its characters down the midtown parade route. Head for a commercial. Cellphone commercial for AT&T. Oops, plug for The Smurfs: A Christmas Carol. Nice placement. Hellman's Mayo for those turkey sandwiches. Obnoxious Audi commercial where Boomer parents steal son's new Audi for a joyride. Oh, well, at least the Boomer parental units are remaining in generational character. Now, we hear from Jake, the State Farm Insurance Agent, via a jealous wife. Plug for NBC-4 "number one" news in DC.
11:47. Back to the parade. Central Park float is up, a "gift" (read "commercial") from Delta Airlines with a contemporary vocal group singing a very lame, newish Christmas song. At least the harmony is tight.
11:49. Virginia O'Hanlon balloon, plugging an upcoming Macy's/NBC Christmas special. Sponsored in part by Aveeno Naturals. Plugs for upcoming floats, balloons, and Santa Claus. Cut to commercial break.
11:53. Back to the show. Great stuff, actually. Office Max's float is plugged, hosting a nifty batch of absurdly elf-clad dancers performing to the Mannheim Steamroller's version of "Deck the Halls."
11:54. Fast cut to Kermit the Frog balloon. Could this be a plug for the new Muppet Movie? Why yes it most certainly could be. Hey, it's not easy being green these days. (It was harder in 1985 when the Kermit ballon was unintentionally eviscerated during the parade, traumatizing a generation of children. At least. More here.)
11:55. Miami of Ohio's Marching Band has "come to tell us that Santa Claus is coming to town." Seriously. Tight sound, good routine. Looks good on HD.
11:56. Elf balloons, dating from the year "Miracle on 34th Street" first appeared on the silver screen. (Below: Nifty kids' dance number plugging Santa's 2009 appearance, via YouTube video.)
11:57. Which brings us to Santa and Mrs. Claus. "The joyous and official start of the hoiday season" (read: attention Macy's shoppers...) We're encouraged to tune into next year's "Miracle on 34th Street." (Could this be where Macy's flagship store is located?)
11:58. Piped in music is appropriately "Santa Claus is coming to town." Brief tribute to soldiers abroad in the Middle East, "who we hope will all be home next Thanksgiving." (Who's been reading the Adminstration's talking points?)
11:59. Closing credits. Coming up next, national dog show sponsored by (who else?) Purina.
12:00. 60 seconds to National Dog Show.
Well, let's post a couple more pix and get back to the kitchen to start our own Thanksgiving Turkey on its way to edibility.
The dude you've all been waiting for. (Recent Macys parade photo.) Not to worry. You can see him again tomorrow, aka Black Friday, almost anywhere.
Final Judgment: ABC's Philly parade was kinda lame. CBS' broadcast of Macy's was 5th string coverage, wall-to-wall commercials and shameless product placement, hosted by announcers who don't deserve to make minimum wage at Mickey D's. NBC, the winner hands down, keeping the camera mostly off their A-list announcers and on the actual parade with relatively few commercial breaks. (No doubt helped by underwriting from Macy's).
As for Macy's itself. The annual parade is a shameless plug from the get-go. But it's a colorful parade from a retailer that generally knows how to sell and to take care of its customers natinowide. And, if you've ever seen it, the Macy's display is the most brilliant annual paean of praise to American retailing you'll ever see, complete with eye catching scenery and animatronics that, even in our age of highly realistic video-gaming, are capable of entrancing kids of all ages.
Happy Thanksgiving to all.
--Terry
Read more of Terry's news and reviews at Curtain Up! in the Entertain Us neighborhood of theWashington Times Communities. For Terry's investing insights, visit his WT Communitiescolumn,The Prudent Man in Politics.
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