My GPS is trying to kill me

It sounds crazy, but I’m convinced my GPS is trying to kill me Photo: Todd DeFeo

TUCKER, Georgia, Feb. 26, 2013 – I’ve been living in fear for some time now. But, I can finally admit it: I’ve been afraid of what might be lurking around the corner.

After some cursory investigation work, I’m certain someone – or something – is trying to kill me. And, the perp could strike at any time.

Maybe I’ll “accidentally” turn into oncoming traffic or “inadvertently” stumble off the side of a mountain. You see, I’m convinced my GPS is trying to kill me.

It sounds crazy, I know. But, stick with me, anyhow, and consider the facts.

Just the other day, as I was heading out for a casual lunch, I turned to my trusted GPS to guide me on my journey. She said to turn right, even though it was obvious to everyone in the free world I needed to turn left.

There’s no explanation except for the fact that’s she’s plotting to assassinate me (of course, if I knew to turn left, you could also ask why I needed the GPS, but I digress).

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So, I bucked her suggestion, and I turned left. She recalculated the entire way. While I won this round, I could tell she was stewing, plotting for when she would next exact her plot.

I first became concerned some years ago when my wife and I were out and about on a leisurely drive. Looking out our port – also know as left – window, we admired the scenery 40,000 feet below (estimated distance).

“Turn left in one-quarter mile,” she alerted us. Oh, really?

It’s possible there’s some sort of road ahead, we thought to ourselves. A quarter mile ahead, she demanded we turn. But, there was no road. Rather than pull an Arlo Guthrie and plunge off the side of a mountain (for those lost, check out “The Motorcycle Song (Significance of the Pickle)” – it’ll clear matters up), we continued straight ahead.

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Now, I understand roads sometimes change or they are re-aligned over time. But, what concerns me is there could never have been a road here.

That leads me to ask one simple question: Why else would the GPS unit – seemingly harmlessly named Karen – tell us to turn here? Exactly, she’s doing the bidding of the grim reaper.

While Karen, a standalone GPS unit, is no longer with us, I’m worried she today haunts my GPS-enabled cellular device. That’s why I’m considering reverting to the old standby – a printed atlas.

I think this notion of a murderous GPS unit is a real problem facing the country, and I’m convinced we need congressional action to ban all GPS units from intentionally luring motorists off the side of a mountain.

If only there was some way we could petition The White House to take action.

Besides, what else could be this pressing?

Todd DeFeo is an award-winning reporter and marketer, but his true passion is seeking out the bizarre roadside attractions, one-of-a-kind roadhouses and unique destinations that make the world worth exploring. He is also editor of The Travel Trolley travel blog. Follow Todd DeFeo on Twitter and Facebook.

This article is the copyrighted property of the writer and Communities @ Written permission must be obtained before reprint in online or print media. REPRINTING TWTC CONTENT WITHOUT PERMISSION AND/OR PAYMENT IS THEFT AND PUNISHABLE BY LAW.

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Todd DeFeo

Todd DeFeo jouned The Washington Times Communities in May 2012. He covers travel and Georgia. A marketing professional who never gave up his award-winning journalistic ways, DeFeo revels in the experience and the fact that every place has a story to tell. He also serves as editor of The Travel Trolley.


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