Caution: What you resist persists

Resisting decisions removes you from the game. So take action now. Photo: Wikimedia/Richard Knights

WASHINGTON, October 13, 2013 – Have you ever noticed that the things or people you resist often keep showing up until you finally deal with them? What’s that all about? 

If you do not take care of what you are responsible for or talk to people effectively, recurrence of the same old problems is virtually guaranteed. In fact, when you try to avoid certain situations or people, you often end up feeling worse about them. You think you are protecting yourself, when the reality is that you need to be more forthright and confront whatever or whoever it is you are resisting. 

Many people do not like confrontation, so they avoid addressing the issue at hand. That’s happened to all of us at one point in our lives. When you avoid confronting someone, and not even in an aggressive way, your inaction often ends up making you feel worse. 

What, or who, you are resisting builds up. You start thinking about the situation or person obsessively and before you know it, a molehill becomes a mountain. Your negative thoughts play over and over in your head and you end up in a downward spiral. You feel stuck and disconnected. You may even get angry and irritated at yourself for not speaking up or taking whatever action is required to move things forward.

So what can you do about it? Here are a few steps to take: 

First, notice and be aware of what you are feeling. Notice your thoughts. What are you saying to yourself? More than likely you are being more critical of yourself than anyone else would be. 

SEE RELATED: Leading a values-driven life

Second, notice where you feel the resistance in your body, because your body gives you clear signals. For example, think of a situation where you have to perform a task and you are not feeling confident. What emotions arise within you when you have to do that task? Are you stressed? Where do you feel the stress? Does your chest tighten? Do you feel like you’ve been kicked in the stomach? 

Notice this, because your body signals you by reacting to things a certain way. Your body clues you in that when you have a task to perform and you don’t feel confident, you soon come down with a tension headache or some other physical reaction. Knowing how you respond to stress (tension headache) and the reason why (lack of confidence) allows you to then be able to deal or not with whatever it is that’s bothering you. 

When you have awareness and an understanding of the cause and effect you can then choose how you’ll respond. Choice is very powerful and you feel more in control. 

Third, when you experience those feelings of avoidance, know that getting engaged in an activity or voicing things that you normally would withhold gets you into action which in turn helps you become more productive. It also moves you beyond the problem place where you presently are. 

SEE RELATED: Baby Boomers: The ‘Sandwiched Generation’

So notice what’s happening, get engaged and take an action. You’ll feel like a million bucks!


For more information contact:

Susan Commander Samakow, PCC, CPCC
Certified Business, Life & Leadership Coach

Expertise in Life and Career Transition, Business/Leadership, Confidence/Resilience Strategist
Certified Mediator
WUSA-TV 9 Community Content Producer


This article is the copyrighted property of the writer and Communities @ Written permission must be obtained before reprint in online or print media. REPRINTING TWTC CONTENT WITHOUT PERMISSION AND/OR PAYMENT IS THEFT AND PUNISHABLE BY LAW.

More from Self Talk with Susan Commander Samakow
blog comments powered by Disqus
Susan Samakow

Susan Commander Samakow, PCC, is a Certified Business, Life and Leadership Coach. Susan focuses on life and career transition, business and leadership, and confidence and resilience strategies. Susan is also a speaker and facilitator, as well as a Community Content Producer for WUSA 9 TV. She is the former president of the ICF Metro DC Chapter, the largest in North America. Susan’s clients are individuals, any size business and the government. Visit Susan’s website: Susan is on Facebook, Twitter, and Linked In.


Contact Susan Samakow


Please enable pop-ups to use this feature, don't worry you can always turn them off later.

Question of the Day
Photo Galleries
Popular Threads
Powered by Disqus