WASHINGTON, October 13, 2013 – Have you ever noticed that the things or people you resist often keep showing up until you finally deal with them? What’s that all about?
If you do not take care of what you are responsible for or talk to people effectively, recurrence of the same old problems is virtually guaranteed. In fact, when you try to avoid certain situations or people, you often end up feeling worse about them. You think you are protecting yourself, when the reality is that you need to be more forthright and confront whatever or whoever it is you are resisting.
Many people do not like confrontation, so they avoid addressing the issue at hand. That’s happened to all of us at one point in our lives. When you avoid confronting someone, and not even in an aggressive way, your inaction often ends up making you feel worse.
What, or who, you are resisting builds up. You start thinking about the situation or person obsessively and before you know it, a molehill becomes a mountain. Your negative thoughts play over and over in your head and you end up in a downward spiral. You feel stuck and disconnected. You may even get angry and irritated at yourself for not speaking up or taking whatever action is required to move things forward.
So what can you do about it? Here are a few steps to take:
First, notice and be aware of what you are feeling. Notice your thoughts. What are you saying to yourself? More than likely you are being more critical of yourself than anyone else would be.
Second, notice where you feel the resistance in your body, because your body gives you clear signals. For example, think of a situation where you have to perform a task and you are not feeling confident. What emotions arise within you when you have to do that task? Are you stressed? Where do you feel the stress? Does your chest tighten? Do you feel like you’ve been kicked in the stomach?
Notice this, because your body signals you by reacting to things a certain way. Your body clues you in that when you have a task to perform and you don’t feel confident, you soon come down with a tension headache or some other physical reaction. Knowing how you respond to stress (tension headache) and the reason why (lack of confidence) allows you to then be able to deal or not with whatever it is that’s bothering you.
When you have awareness and an understanding of the cause and effect you can then choose how you’ll respond. Choice is very powerful and you feel more in control.
Third, when you experience those feelings of avoidance, know that getting engaged in an activity or voicing things that you normally would withhold gets you into action which in turn helps you become more productive. It also moves you beyond the problem place where you presently are.
So notice what’s happening, get engaged and take an action. You’ll feel like a million bucks!
For more information contact:
Susan Commander Samakow, PCC, CPCC
Certified Business, Life & Leadership Coach
Expertise in Life and Career Transition, Business/Leadership, Confidence/Resilience Strategist
WUSA-TV 9 Community Content Producer
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