Old Soviet jokes become the new American reality

I have seen the future and ran away.

WASHINGTON, November 9, 2012 – I have seen the future and ran away.

At first the move to America from the former USSR made me feel as though I had made a jump in time, from the stagnant depraved past into a distant dynamic future.

There was an abundance of commonly available futuristic contraptions, machines, and appliances that made everyday existence easier and more enjoyable. Less obvious but just as exciting was the media’s openness: I no longer needed to read between the lines to know what was happening.

Most importantly, there was honesty, dignity, and respect in relations among people.

Today I’m feeling like a time traveler again.

Only this time the productive, honest and self-reliant America is vanishing in the past, as we are quickly approaching the all too familiar future.

It is the future of equal poverty, one-party rule, media mooching, government looting, bureaucratic corruption, rigged elections, underground literature, half-whispered jokes, and the useful habit of looking over your shoulder.

It was nice living in America before it changed the course and followed Obama’s direction “Forward,” which, according to my compass, is pointing backward.

All of a sudden I find myself playing the role of a comrade from the future, helping my new compatriots to navigate the quagmire ahead of us.

Deprived of free political speech, Soviets had developed a culture of underground political jokes. I used to remember thousands of them.

Here’s one of my favorites, dealing with the discrepancy between the official narrative and the everyday reality:

The six contradictions of socialism in the USSR

    - There is no unemployment - yet no one is working.
    - No one is working - yet the factory quotas are fulfilled.
    - The factory quotas are fulfilled - yet the stores have nothing to sell.
    - The stores have nothing to sell - yet people’s homes are full of stuff.
    - People’s homes are full of stuff - yet no one is happy.
    - No one is happy - yet the voting is always unanimous.

Already in America I discovered that most of my old Soviet jokes didn’t work in translation. It wasn’t so much the language difference as the fact that Americans had no first-hand knowledge of a totalitarian government, ideological uniformity, and shameless propaganda.

But that is changing. The more America “progresses” back to the Soviet model, the more translatable the old Soviet jokes become.

Let’s see how an old Soviet joke can be rewritten into a new American joke.

The six contradictions of socialism in the United States of America

    - America is capitalist and greedy - yet half of the population is subsidized.
    - Half of the population is subsidized - yet they think they are victims.
    - They think they are victims - yet their representatives run the government.
    - Their representatives run the government - yet the poor keep getting poorer.
    - The poor keep getting poorer - yet they have things that people in other countries only dream about.
    - They have things that people in other countries only dream about - yet they want America to be more like those other countries.

There’s more where it came from - or where we’re going, whichever the case may be.

_________________________________

At The People’s Cube, we do NOT equate all “liberals” with communists. The purpose of this website is to pick up “liberal” hitchhikers and give them a ride to the communist wonderland - the inevitable end result of their “well-meaning” policies.


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Oleg Atbashian

With a whole lot of humor and an eye to the absurdities of poltics and politicans, Oleg Atbashian brings the news and views from The People's Cube to the Communities and you.

Born and raised in Ukraine, Oleg Atbashian has been a teacher, translator, construction worker, satirical journalist, and at one time a propaganda artist, creating visual agitprop for the local Party committee in Siberia. In 1994, he moved to the US with the hope of living in a country ruled by reason and common sense, and whose citizens were appreciative of constitutional rights and capitalist prosperity. To his dismay, he discovered a nation deeply infected by the leftist disease of "progressivism" that was arresting true societal progress. He started writing satire again, this time in English, publishing a large number of essays, political parodies, and cartoons, in various media in America and around the world.

In 2005 Oleg Atbashian started ThePeoplesCube.com, a forum-based spoof of "progressive" ideology with a loyal conservative/libertarian following, which he runs under the name of "Comrade Red Square, People's Director, Department of Visual Agitation and Unanimity." Rush Limbaugh described it on his show as "a Stalinist version of The Onion." The site contains thousands of hilarious, original satires and graphics by contributors from all parts of the US and the English-speaking world.

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