Obama to Cyrus, the most boring people of 2013, plus the howler of the year

From President Obama to Miley Cyrus, here are the most boring people of 2013. Photo: Tom Hanks (public)

NEW YORK, December 16, 2013 – Even for a culture that worships celebrity there comes a point when enough is enough, such as the following, in no particular order:

1. Tom Hanks: A good guy. Okay actor, especially when portraying everyman. But the Hollywood pomposity is too much. It is always troubling and wearying when people are too perfect and then insist on imposing their measure of perfection upon everyone else – and what’s with the Hitler mustache for your latest flick, Tom?

2. And speaking of Hitler, here is Roger Waters (Pink Floyd) and proof that anti-Semitism is beyond disgusting. It has become so tiresome…so 1933. Find someone new to hate.

3. Oprah: Poisoning America overseas – not cool. This country made you rich. We deserve better than to be called a nation of bigots. This, too, has become old.

4. Adam Levine: That chick who came on the scene as the face for the Obamacare website is gone, forgotten and in hiding. Now you? Not sexy, Adam.

5: Jay Carney: That guy who faked sign language in South Africa at Nelson Mandela’s eulogies, at least he had an excuse. He is a certified crackpot. People are still ridiculing that man’s mumbo jumbo. Around here we call such gobbledygook, double-talk and hocus-pocus The Daily White House News Briefing.

6: Mike Tyson: Inside the ring, electrifying. Outside the ring, who cares? So please, spare us any further HBO specials. We know the story.

7. Sarah Silverman: Not funny.

8. Obama: Very funny that “if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.” This is easily the number one howler of the year. Second prize goes again to Obama, plus Hillary, and their concoction about an obscure video as being the cause of the terrorist slaughter against our people in Benghazi.

9: Gwyneth Paltrow: Tedious perfection. Stop singing. Shut up and act.

10: Hillary Clinton: Proof that in America today you can keep being admired (and elected) for no reason whatsoever. This act has become so dreary and Benghazi should have finished it off. Says something about our culture when it is failure that rises to the top. As for her entitlement to be president come 2016, surely this is not our best or our brightest.

11: Barbra Streisand: Enough already with the politics and the fundraising. Shut up and sing.

12: Al Gore: Lucky that this emblem of dullness did not become president, or else America would have been in big trouble. No! Wait! We are in big trouble.

13: Chris Matthews: Still feeling that Obama thrill going up his leg for the longest orgasm on record. No end in sight.

14: Hamid Karzai: Afghanistan’s president totally ungrateful for all the money we have spent and all the blood we have spilled for himself and his blighted country. Hopeless and monotonous. No matter how much more we give to these sewers of civilization, it will never be enough and it will never change. 

15: Al Sharpton: From Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. to Al Sharpton – What an absolute plunge.

16: Will Ferrell: Not yet boring (big fan of the first Ron Burgundy and we shall see about the next one) but the routine is getting overexposed and starting to wear thin.

17: Alice Walker: See number 2 on Roger Waters. Anti-Semitism is bigotry of the oldest and worst kind. God is keeping score.

18: Rounding out the field we arrive at Miley Cyrus, Kim Kardashian, Justin Bieber, Ryan Seacrest and ask this question: Why are they rich and famous?

How have they enriched our lives?

So, next we will try naming the men and women who work silently and tirelessly to serve us and protect us.

But they are not rich and famous. We will never know their names. Pity.

New from novelist Jack Engelhard, 25th anniversary edition of the international bestseller Indecent Proposal here

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Jack Engelhard

Jack Engelhard enjoys international fame as a novelist for such moral dilemma bestsellers as The Bathsheba Deadline, The Girls of Cincinnati, and the classic Indecent Proposal, which was turned into film starring Robert Redford and Demi Moore. His memoir Escape From Mount Moriah has been acclaimed for excellence and a movie version was an official selection at CANNES. Slot Attendant – A Novel About A Novelist is Engelhard’s partly autobiographical expose about the trials of making it as a writer. Engelhard’s journalism covers all topics, with special focus on  the absurdity of human behavior, and reaches around the globe. He can be contacted at www.jackengelhard.com


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