Please oh please be my FACEBOOK friend (or maybe not)

I have been invited to become friends with Tulip. Tulip says that she likes erotica and that she is willing to show “pix” of herself provided that I “register” to prove that I am over 18.

NEW JERSEY, December 1, 2012 – Too bad. Just the other day I lost a Facebook friend. We got into it on politics or something and I was dumped from 94 “close personal friends” to 93. In the real world, depending on the mood I’m in when I wake up, I have maybe five close personal friends.

This morning I came up with two.

Frankly, I don’t remember how I even got up to 93 Fecebook friends, but that’s nothing; I mean that is nothing compared to 65,000. Yes, some people claim that many “close personal friends,” and some, I believe, go even higher, up to 100,000 and beyond.

Lady Gaga has almost fifty-four million fans and six-thundred thousand are talking about her right now.  Michael Jackson, who is deceased, shares almost identical numbers as Lady G.

 Jesus, a public figure has 4,968,466 while Satan, far fewer at 127,241.  That’s a relief.

I cannot imagine what that must be like at Christmas, the whole gang gathered by the fireplace exchanging gifts.

If I keep on writing this piece I risk losing more friends and then what happens? Will I be punished to the netherworld of the “unfriend.” Facebook itself may nullify me.

Yes friends (and unfriends) that’s what happens when people stop LIKING you. They unfriend you. I suppose that this is not an entirely new term, unfriend. It does beat “enemy,” or the mysterious “frenemy.”

I suppose if we adopted that social/virtual world into the real world we’d have fewer wars.  Somehow it makes no sense going to war simply because someone is unfriendly.  

Though with people being so touchy these days, who knows?

I do have a chance to make up for that one contact who dismissed me the other day. I have been invited to become friends with Tulip, getting me back to 94. Tulip does not provide too much information about herself. She does say that she likes erotica and that she is willing to show “pix” of herself provided that I “register” to prove that I am over 18.

I will have to think about this. Tough one to turn down. Tulip thinks I’m “hot.” Her exact words, honest.

Those who continue to stick with me occasionally ask me to “like” what they’ve posted. True enough, much of it is good. I’ve kept up with politics and culture, news and entertainment, much of it thanks to what appears on my home page and some of what is shared on my Timeline.  Truly, I am kept informed and up to date. As for me, Facebook serves as an information highway, and for that I am grateful.

So I do hit “like” often enough. But please, spare me the details of what hair rinse you use. No like.

I joined up several years ago upon the promise that this is the place to find “old high school friends.” Is this such a good idea? Not always. Does it serve the purpose of helping us to remember what should be forgotten?

Right off, I was put in touch with an old sweetheart and for some time we reminisced beautifully. Then it got to politics and we are kaput

Amazing how people really don’t change.

Then came word from a dear friend from my early years back in Montreal. This was quite emotional, getting back in touch Tevie. He remembered me as always getting into fights and I remembered him as always getting into trouble at school, Fairmount. He was suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), but no one was wise to that at that time.

Broke my heart when he told me that Fairmount School was gone. We used to play hockey in the yard and walk home together making fun of everybody. I remember him as being one of five brothers, one tougher than the other – and how they all quaked at a mere nod from their mother, out of fear, honor and respect.

Then, for weeks, no word from Tevie, until his wife informed me that he had died. We were friends, back when friends were dear and but a just few.  

And not so easy to unfriend.

Jack Engelhard can be friended at Facebook 

Jack Engelhard is a novelist for such moral dilemma bestsellers as The Bathsheba DeadlineThe Girls of Cincinnati, and the classic Indecent Proposal, his memoir Escape From Mount Moriah, and  Slot Attendant – A Novel About A Novelist is Engelhard’s partly autobiographical expose about the trials of making it as a writer, bring his words to the Communities page covering all topics, with special focus on the absurdity of human behavior, and reaches around the globe. 

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Jack Engelhard

Jack Engelhard enjoys international fame as a novelist for such moral dilemma bestsellers as The Bathsheba Deadline, The Girls of Cincinnati, and the classic Indecent Proposal, which was turned into film starring Robert Redford and Demi Moore. His memoir Escape From Mount Moriah has been acclaimed for excellence and a movie version was an official selection at CANNES. Slot Attendant – A Novel About A Novelist is Engelhard’s partly autobiographical expose about the trials of making it as a writer. Engelhard’s journalism covers all topics, with special focus on  the absurdity of human behavior, and reaches around the globe. He can be contacted at


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