Predictions, meet garbage: The NFL 2013 Week 3 Bettor's Guide

Predictions made before the 2013 NFL season began can now be thrown in the garbage. Here is the Week 3 Bettor's Guide. Photo: Flickr

LOS ANGELES, September 18, 2013 — As bad as some predictions were before NFL 2013 began, there comes a time to wave a white flag. “Any given Sunday” makes the NFL the world’s greatest game as predictions get tossed into the garbage.

Only two weeks in, here are the worst predictions.

SEE RELATED: Pittsburgh Steelers offensive misery continues: NFL 2013 Week 2 Wrapup

Prediction: The Dolphins, Bills, and Titans would all go 3-13. The Bears would go 4-12.

Reality: The Dolphins and Bears are 2-0. The Bills are 1-1 after losing one game on the final play. The Titans are 1-1 after losing one game in overtime.

Analysis: Double down. None of these teams will make the playoffs.

Prediction: The Giants would go 13-3 and the Steelers would go 11-5.

Reality: Both of these teams are 0-2.

Analysis: Partial double-down and partial surrender. The Giants will rebound and win their division. The Steelers are finished.

The predictions of the Broncos going 14-2 and the Jaguars going 2-14 are on track, although 0-16 remains possible for Jacksonville.

With that, here is the Week 3 Preview with point spreads courtesy of Join us Sunday for live chats of the games (all times EST).

Thursday, September 19, 8:30pm

Kansas City Chiefs at Philadelphia Eagles (-3.5)—Walrus Lite Andy Reid badly wants to beat the team that fired him. His players will go all out for him and he will get it. Upset special, Chiefs win outright

Sunday, September 22


Houston Texans (-1) at Baltimore Ravens — Baltimore barely survived Cleveland at home, but they have Houston’s number and will win again. Upset special, Ravens win outright

New York Giants at Carolina Panthers (Pick ‘em) — Captain Grumpy Tom Coughlin reminded his team that they are not supposed to play badly until November. He fired a couple players who had already retired just to prove his point. Giants win

Detroit Lions at Washington Redskins (-1) — Last year RGIII was a heroic savior and now, fans want to bench him. Even politicians get a longer honeymoon. The dread-locked one will rebound. Redskins cover

Arizona Cardinals at New Orleans Saints (-9) — The Saints have a defense now. Be afraid, rest of the league. Be very afraid. Saints win, but fail to cover

San Diego Chargers at Tennessee Titans (-3) — These teams are both vastly improved, and the winner of this game could be a first round playoff exit. Upset special, Chargers win outright

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at New England Patriots (-9) — Darrelle Revis is already unhappy in Tampa Bay. He misses losing to New England with his old team. Patriots cover

Green Bay Packers (-1) at Cincinnati Bengals — Short of Cincinnati bringing Brett Favre out of retirement again, nothing they do will rattle Aaron Rodgers. Packers cover

St. Louis Rams at Dallas Cowboys (-3.5) — The $1.2 billion Jerry Jones Metropolis will not be a total loss. Jones can recoup his investment by blowing it up for the insurance money if Dallas loses home games like this. Cowboys win but fail to cover

Cleveland Browns at Minnesota Vikings (-5.5) — Brandon Weeden and Christian Ponder, repeat after me. Hand the ball to Trent Richardson and Adrian Peterson, respectively. Throw the ball, get benched…after the interception is returned the other way. Vikings cover


Atlanta Falcons at Miami Dolphins (-1) — Joe Philbin is challenging to replace Mike Smith on the cover of “Average Non-Descript Caucasian Men’s Monthly” Magazine. Smith knows that when your offense is that flashy, you can be colorless. Upset special, Falcons win outright

Buffalo Bills at New York Jets (-1.5) — An anonymous friend insists Buffalo is the only New York NFL team. He was informed that mentioning the Jersey Jets risks punches from FDNY and NYPD guys in better condition than the Jets offensive line. Jets cover

Indianapolis Colts at San Francisco 49ers (-11.5) — An angry Jim Harbaugh squad at home after a humiliating loss means Andrew Luck may end up with the middle name “bad” this week. 49ers win but fail to cover

Jacksonville Jaguars at Seattle Seahawks (-19.5) — Spreads like this have not been seen since Tom Osborne coached the Nebraska Cornhuskers. Richard Sherman will pretend he is playing the 49ers again to avoid sleeping on the field due to boredom. Seahawks win but fail to cover


Chicago Bears (-1.5) at Pittsburgh Steelers — The NFL will declare this Week 13, instead of three so NBC can flex this game off their schedule. Mike Tomlin takes personal responsibility for his team, but that will not placate despondent network executives. Bears cover

Monday, September 23 8:30pm

Oakland Raiders at Denver Broncos (-15.5) — This matchup was a thriller when breakdancing was popular and Al Davis roamed earth. Davis died on Yom Kippur, and this year his team honors his death by dying the Monday after the holiday. Broncos win but fail to cover


Join Eric Golub and other NFL fans this Sunday and every Sunday for The Washington Times Communities NFL chat.

Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS Eric Golub is an independent writer for the Communities.

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Eric Golub

Eric Golub is a politically conservative Jewish blogger, author, public speaker, and comedian. His book trilogy is “Ideological Bigotry,” “Ideological Violence,” and  “Ideological Idiocy.” 

He is Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and has lived in Los Angeles since 1990. He received his Bachelors degree from the University of Judaism, and his MBA from USC. A stockbrokerage professional since 1994, he began blogging on March 11th, 2007, the three year anniversary of the Madrid bombings and the midpoint of 9/11. He has been inflicting his world view on his unfortunate readers since then. He blogs about politics Monday through Friday, and about football and other human interest items on weekends.



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