LOS ANGELES, January 25, 2013—On February 3rd, 2013, the Baltimore Ravens and San Francisco 49ers will play in the Harbowl, Super Bowl (47) XLVII. In a travesty of justice, Americans will have to go to work the next day.
This is morally, and should be legally, wrong.
Josh Moore is the greatest living American since Paul Revere. He is determined to right this wrong. He has begun a White House petition to make the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday a national holiday.
Critics will claim that the Super Bowl is a “game.” Those people should be deported to France. This is America, where we cling to our guns, religion, red meat, and football. If some of us are lazy and slothful on an NFL Sunday, it is because we worked hard all week. Monday Night Football was created to honor the working man.
It is as American as “For all you do, this Bud’s for you.”
Those who show up to work on the Monday after the big game are usually unproductive anyway. Their stomachs are upset from consuming mass quantities of unhealthy food. They are sleep-deprived from staying up late on the East Coast.
They need a day to recover.
There are ways to make this work that would not cripple the American economy. One solution is to move Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day from the third Monday in January to the first Monday in February. Since February is Black History Month, it makes perfect sense to have the greatest civil rights leader in American history have his day celebrated during the month honoring his achievements. In fact, Church services before the game could honor him. The NFL could work it into their pregame coverage.
This will not make up for their needing to fix the “Rooney Rule,” but it would be a good symbolic gesture.
There is precedent for moving holidays. America used to, in February ironically, celebrate the birthdays of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. Now there is just “Presidents Day.”
Half of America watches the Super Bowl, and the other half just likes to be contrarian. Allowing Super Bowl Monday to be a legal holiday would allow children on the East Coast to stay up late and watch the game. This is for the children so it has to be good.
Help Josh Moore make America an even greater nation than it already is. Sign the petition and let the first Monday in February be Super Bowl Recovery Day.
Barring this, simply bypass the President and go straight to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. Goodell is more important anyway.
May God bless the United States of America, the National Football League, and armchair quarterbacks everywhere.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a columnist, blogger, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian who is obsessed with the National Football League. There is no offseason. Every February he pretends to care about other sports while sobbing uncontrollably each Sunday until September. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS Eric Golub is an independent writer for the Communities. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog.
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