LOS ANGELES, April 25, 2013—“The Kansas City Chiefs are on the clock.”
With those words from Commissioner Roger Goodell, the 2013 NFL Draft will be underway. For leatherheads unable to stomach the seven month gap between the Super Bowl and the regular season, the Draft provides a morsel of football.
Only the National Football League could get away with broadcasting their Draft. Pro Football is so popular that people will watch three days of something that is not even an actual game. Drafts take place on school playgrounds at recess every day of school. It is called “choosing up sides.”
Captains say things like “OK, Timmy, you stand over there. You’re on the red team. Bobby and Billy, you go that way. You’re on the blue team.” However, in the NFL, this activity is watched with every bit of obsessiveness as any other NFL product.
One week before the Draft, the NFL held a “Schedule Release Program,” which shows fans a piece of paper, telling us which teams play each other. Fans were glued to the program.
Critics will try to throw cold water on the party, because that is what critics do. Some paralegal in Virginia wants the Draft abolished. Nobody asked her opinion. Another guy in Chicago thinks football itself at some point will be abolished. Not interested.
The Draft is for those who love football. It starts with his Royal Hairness.
Mel Kiper Jr. spends 362 days doing…well, nobody actually knows. He is in an undisclosed location somewhere, perhaps an underground bunker with more televisions than the Pentagon. Yet then he pops up, sees his shadow, perfects his pompadour, and brings us three straight nights of football coverage.
Those complaining about the 2013 Draft should understand that when all is said and done, it will take years to know if that criticism is merited or not.
If 1983 was the best quarterback class of all time, and 1999 and 2012 solid ones, 2013 is being talked down as one of the worst. While there are no sexy names like Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III, at least one signal caller will surprise us all.
The suspense is building since at this moment nobody knows what the Chiefs will do with the top pick. Rules allow for the team with the first pick to negotiate a contract with a player before the Draft begins. That has not happened. Walrus Lite Andy Reid has so many holes to fill that he may play it safe and pick offensive lineman Luke Joeckel.
The Jacksonville Jaguars have the second pick, and they also need everything. This is a common thread among very bad teams.
The Oakland Raiders with the third pick might need to trade down so they can stockpile 45 picks. General Manager Reggie McKenzie has taken a keg of dynamite to the Silver and Black, firing everybody except perhaps the team’s waterboy. He is going to do it his way, and now we will see what that means.
All heck could break loose because this is a year where there are very few “can’t miss” players in the first round but some good value players in the middle rounds.
For now, football fans everywhere should just be thankful. It is not quite a game, but it is the next best thing.
The 2013 NFL Draft is upon us. It’s time to get down to the serious business of football, NFL 2013 style.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian who is obsessed with the National Football League. There is no offseason. Every February he pretends to care about other sports while sobbing uncontrollably each Sunday until September. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS Eric Golub is an independent writer for the Communities. Read more from Eric at his TYGRRRR EXPRESS blog.
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