The Walrus exits Cleveland — The NFL 2012 Week 7 Preview

The NFL lost one of the great walruses of all time when the new owner of the Cleveland Browns fired team President Mike Holmgren. This brings the NFL 2012 Week 7 Preview. Photo: Team president Mike Holmgren at Cleveland Browns news conference

LOS ANGELES, October 20, 2012 — This is a sad day for people who love, trust, and believe in walruses. From Captain Kangaroo to golfer Craig Statler to pitcher Jerry Reuss, walruses have been a fan favorite.

The walrus of the National Football League is Mike Holmgren. The former USC quarterback earned a Super Bowl victory with the Green Bay Packers and got the Seattle Seahawks to their only Super Bowl appearance. Yet “The Big Show” has not succeeded as team President of the woeful Cleveland Browns. Randy Lerner just sold the team, and the new owner has told Holmgren that the team is going in an anti-walrus direction.

This leaves only two of these furry creatures in prominent positions. Philadelphia Eagles Coach Andy Reid is Walrus Lite, and he will not be upgraded to full walrus status until he wins it all. Romeo Crennel shattered the racial barrier, since nothing in a man’s skin color should detract from a rotund waistline and bushy mustache.

When a walrus mates with a duck, the result is a platypus. Not the most beautiful creature, the platypus of the NFL is the Cleveland Browns. Decades come and go, and the Browns simply suck. They do occasionally beat the Bengals, but the Bengals cannot beat anybody else either. Mike Holmgren was blamed for not turning things around fast enough. Unlike politics, sports administrators are actually judged on results. Holmgren inherited a mess, and it stayed that way.

Coach Pat Shurmur for now has not been fired. Those wanting to blame Holmgren could always say that being a great coach does not necessarily translate into excellence in the executive suite. Yet a more plausible organization is that even a man who has known only success can be overmatched by a colossus of an organization with a deeply entrenched commitment to failure.

Even in a down economy, the league and any other team not in Ohio would benefit from bringing in the Walrus.

The Browns are now preparing for the post-Holmgren era, which should be downright platypus ugly.

With that, let’s get away from the Mistake by the Lake and get to 30 teams that actually have hope. Week 7 of the NFL 2012 season is upon us.

Seattle Seahawks @ San Francisco 49ers (7) was the Thursday night game.

(49ers cover)

Tennessee Titans @ Buffalo Bills (3)

(Bills Cover)

Dallas Cowboys (2) @ Carolina Panthers

(Upset special, Panthers win outright)

Baltimore Ravens @ Houston Texans (6.5)

(Upset special, Ravens win outright)

Arizona Cardinals @ Minnesota Vikings (6)

(Vikings win but fail to cover)

Washington Redskins @ New York Giants (6.5)

(Giants win but fail to cover)

Green Bay Packers (5.5) @ St. Louis Rams

(Packers win but fail to cover)

New Orleans Saints (3) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

(Saints cover)

Cleveland Browns @ Indianapolis Colts (3)

(Colts cover)

New York Jets @ New England Patriots (10.5)

(Patriots cover)

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Oakland Raiders (4)

(Raiders cover)

Pittsburgh Steelers (2.5) @ Cincinnati Bengals is the Sunday night game.

(Steelers cover)

Detroit Lions (5) @ Chicago Bears is the Monday night game.

(Upset special, Bears win outright)


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Eric Golub

Eric Golub is a politically conservative Jewish blogger, author, public speaker, and comedian. His book trilogy is “Ideological Bigotry,” “Ideological Violence,” and  “Ideological Idiocy.” 

He is Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and has lived in Los Angeles since 1990. He received his Bachelors degree from the University of Judaism, and his MBA from USC. A stockbrokerage professional since 1994, he began blogging on March 11th, 2007, the three year anniversary of the Madrid bombings and the midpoint of 9/11. He has been inflicting his world view on his unfortunate readers since then. He blogs about politics Monday through Friday, and about football and other human interest items on weekends.

 

 

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