The art of dating: Landing the date

Learn the common mistakes people make when asking someone out on a date and how to avoid these pitfalls. Photo:

DALLAS, June 23, 2012 — In my first article on the art of dating, I covered the importance of casual dating and how it is healthy for us to become good at casual dating. Of course to enjoy a date, one has to actually get a date. Statistics show that many single men and women, regardless of age, still have a fear of asking someone out on a date.

In this modern world, it’s not uncommon for a woman to ask a man out on a date, but studies show that most women want the man to take the initiative. When a women asks men out for a date, they don’t have to do much or even worry about what they say. The average man is usually so flattered that a woman showed him attention, he will usually agree to go on the date. However, when it comes to a man asking a woman out, he risks more rejection.

Attractive women are asked out on dates often, so just being asked out isn’t enough. A man needs to appear unique, different, confident, and show his would-be-date why he is worthy of her time with him.

All too often men make the mistake of approaching a woman, let’s say at a bar or social event, with the usual lines like “You’re so beautiful” and “What do you do?” If it is at a situation such as a bar, most likely this person has heard these lines and been told she is beautiful or has been called more colorful adjectives, way too many times in one night by less than sober contestants. Guys, if you want to tell a woman she is beautiful, do it in the middle of the day, sober. This makes it more genuine and shows you have confidence.


Read also The art of dating: Casual dating (video)


In this case the best thing you can do is pay her the compliment, introduce yourself, and start talking to build rapport. When you pay her the compliment, deliver it with total confidence.  When a man pays a woman a compliment with confidence, it is appreciated and accepted. When it is done without confidence, it can often make the vibe feel “creepy” or weird. Try to avoid the usual small talk that strangers do; instead do light and breezy, humorous small talk that friends would do.

If the situation you are in is at a bar there are two great ways to initiate a conversation with the person you are admiring. If she already has a “fan club,” trying to woo her, the best thing you can do is the passive approach. Make eye contact and then ignore her. This is not be rude; it’s to set you apart. If she has three guys swooning over her and trying to woo her, she will notice that you took interest and didn’t budge; now you have successfully set yourself apart from the others. If you do this with confidence and she finds you attractive, she will initiate the conversation with you.

If she is by herself and not surrounded by admirers, as soon as you see her, you should approach her, again making sure you avoid serious topics and mundane small talk. Regardless of the setting, it is very important to remember to be yourself and act with confidence. The older a man is, the more a woman wants and expects a man to be confident.

Once you have built up some rapport, gotten a few laughs, it’s time to do the deed and ask her out. You want to do this sooner than later. Many people make the mistake of talking way too long and revealing way too much about themselves early on. When one does this, he runs the risk of no longer being a curious mystery to the person he is trying to get the date with, and then he runs the bigger risk of being put in the all too dreaded friend-zone. Guys often hate being thrown in the friend-zone pile of other unsuccessful prospects; the best way to avoid this pitfall is by acting sooner than later.

The best thing to do when asking a woman on a date is to not call it a date. Call it anything else, hanging out, chilling, dinner, drinks, whatever, but don’t say DATE (this goes back to the neural net discussed in the previous article). Some women don’t care if you called it a date, some do, but no one cares if you call it hanging out or dinner. Don’t take the risk. Play it safe.

Photo: (click to enlarge)

The best thing to do is to keep it light and breezy; everything in the beginning should be light and breezy. Also try to make it clever and charming. There is a difference between a pickup line like, “Girl, are your legs tired? Because you’ve been running through my mind all night,” and a charming approach, “I’m heading out; we should hangout sometime soon so we can laugh even more and solve all the world’s problems.” If the latter is delivered genuinely and with confidence, it will come off as such. Many people make mistakes by reading pickup books and memorizing lines, in other words, not being themselves.

There are no magic words that can guarantee a “Yes.” That’s part of the fun, the mystery. Just because you may get a “no” doesn’t mean it’s a direct reflection on you. It’s important to understand that and to realize that you are also a prize, not just the person you are asking to hangout with.

The best thing someone can do or learn to be successful in getting dates and with dating is to make he has inner success, achieving true self-esteem and total self-confidence. The more we appreciate ourselves, the more we appreciate someone else. It’s also important to enjoy each step in the dating process, from the first “hello,” to the first date. Each step holds its own gifts and experiences for us to learn, enjoy, and grow from.

Carter Lee is the author of, When Jonathan Cried for Me, President of Innovative Social Dynamics LLC., is a professional speaker, and is the co-host of Really Genius Radio. To learn more about his media appearances, radio show, book, or to schedule an appearance or speaking engagement visit

This article is the copyrighted property of the writer and Communities @ Written permission must be obtained before reprint in online or print media. REPRINTING TWTC CONTENT WITHOUT PERMISSION AND/OR PAYMENT IS THEFT AND PUNISHABLE BY LAW.

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Carter Lee

I am the author of, When Jonathan Cried for Me, a story of struggle and redemption. I was once diagnosed with PTSD and depression because of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of a pedophile. I have spent the last four years of my life transforming myself from a broken person, into one with complete inner peace and no signs of those afflictions.

For most of my life, my only dream was to be in the sports entertainment industry, which I accomplished in my twenties by becoming a licensed professional wrestler, promoter and booker. After years in that industry – and many injuries later! – I realized that this was no longer my dream. I ventured into stage acting, stand-up comedy, and promoted bands in the local music scenes.

After years of trying to find my niche in life, I discovered my meaning in life, my purpose; I had an epiphany of what I was supposed to do. I started Innovative Social Dynamics LLC. Through my business I educate, inspire and challenge others to obtain positive transformation through the knowledge of the mind, science, and innovative philosophy. The tool for transformation and personal greatness exists inside of everyone. You can read more about me, my business and my book at


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