You don’t need to decide who to elect president this year; the media will do that for you

According to the mainstream media President Obama is a shoo-in for re-election, so let's just forget about voting and debates and use the candidates for funny television skits. Photo: (AP Photo)

DOTHAN, AL, October 3, 2012 – After following political coverage by the mainstream media over the past few weeks, I’ve come to the conclusion that the presidential debates tonight are totally unnecessary. Even the election is unnecessary because the media says Obama is a shoo-in. So tonight, just watch a movie or read a book because the media has graciously decided the election for you.

Lead stories about Mitt Romney read more like obituaries than news stories and, if the polls are to be believed, Mitt might as well start writing his memoirs and save his money for another car lift in his garage. The New York Times is currently running a story “The Mitt Romney Who Might Have Been.” The Washington Post notes Romney is in Colorado but, you know, they’re not really into him. ABC News says Romney needs to “come out swinging” but eh, that’s a lot of effort and gee, why really bother since Obama’s going to win anyway.

Newsweek is comparing Romney’s campaign to the current season of the NY Jets football team, with the not-so-subtle implication that like the Jets, he is doomed to always be an also-ran. Meanwhile, The Huffington Post, the all-Obama all-the time White House news service, tells us that every Latino in the country favors Obama, except maybe one guy named Eduardo who cuts Romney’s lawn.

A random scan of stories coming from broadcast media are no better as far as objectivity goes, but even more disturbing is what is NOT being covered or discussed. 

Unless you go digging, it seems the little incident in Libya (and 27 other countries) was just some kind of an “aw shucks” moment that pales in comparison to the president’s celebrity guest shot as “eye candy” on The View. Besides, President Obama announced that the war on terror was over so why should the media even bother to cover Libya?

One also gets the impression that television news people think those gosh darn uppity Israelis and Iranians are just characters in a sitcom, cracking one-liners about “red lines” and “genocide” and “nuclear war.” Funny stuff isn’t it? I have not heard much about the economy lately either, so I guess things are all better with that, and if the president doesn’t know the national debt figure why should I worry about it? 

Mitt Romney may not be the ideal candidate for the GOP in this election, but based on job performance Barack Obama is not the ideal president for this country. Romney is stiff, looks too country club for blue collar Americans to identify with and uses corporate-speak that is alien to those outside the financial community. He also seems to be a bit slow about making snappy responses, though he did hold his own in the primaries after his coach told him to treat it like a corporate takeover.

Obama comes across to many as an affable, good-natured neighbor you could have over for a beer, or a joint or both, though he tends to work much better with teleprompters than without. Romney has financial expertise and does understand, whether you like his methods or not, how to stimulate business. If he could outsource Congress to overseas then I’m all for it. 

Obama loves to campaign and ride in big shiny airplanes, but he doesn’t seem too keen on day-to-day management duties. So, do we hire the CEO business guy or re-hire the union organizer guy? Not to worry, the mainstream media will decide for you and, since they still wear suits and ties and are always good guys in the movies, we can be assured they are professional and honest. 

Therefore, we can probably just forget Wednesday’s debate and call the election a done deal. Or perhaps we could just turn the debate into a comedy skit instead, one that might go like this:

Obama: Mittens, love the grey hair at the temples thing. Very Stewart Granger.

Romney: Well thank-you Barack. I see you’ve turned a little gray too these past few years. Does that help the whole eye candy thing?

Obama: Very funny Mitt. Tell me, when you’re out campaigning, do you put the dog carrier up on the roof of the bus?

Romney: Funny you should ask because the dog was missing at dinnertime and I was wondering if you might know anything about that.

Obama: So, are you still working to offshore more jobs Mitt?

Romney: Just yours Barack, just yours. By the way, have you seen a doctor since your healthcare plan kicked in? I couldn’t seem to find one the other day.

Obama: Oh, is that pain in your neck giving you more trouble?

Romney: No, no, Newt has been pretty quiet lately. How’s that pain in your backside?

Obama: Much better, thanks. Joe’s been on vacation for the past week.

Romney: So have you had any interesting trips lately? Capital Hill? The Oval Office?

Obama: Mitt, how did you like the UK? Nice people, but a bit touchy about their Olympics eh?

Romney: That reminds me. They said thanks for sending back the bust of Churchill but it would have been nice if it didn’t have postage due.

Obama: Well I see we’re out of time Mitt. This was fun, let’s do it again sometime, like when hell freezes over.

Romney: Sure, maybe we can meet somewhere, just not in my neighborhood.

Obama: Hah, good one Mitt. I was just thinking the same thing.

I do believe this kind of “debate” would draw higher audience ratings than what is actually planned and it would give the media material to work with for weeks to come. After all, that’s what the media circus really wants more than anything – entertainment content to sell ads. 



Debate the Debates with the Communities, Tonight at 9pm EST


Daniel de Gracia

Daniel de Gracia



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Rick Townley

Rick Townley was a bookseller before switching to electronic publishing with The New York Times, Reuters, Grolier and others. He is the author of a humor book, For Boomers Only – Exploring Life in the New Millennium, a supernatural novel, Stepping Out of Time, and numerous short stories. In addition to contributing to the Washington Times Communities, Rick is working on a fiction series called Stigma and resides in southern Alabama with his 7-year-old granddaughter, Chloe.


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