Lois Lerner: stupid is as stupid does

If Lois Lerner is one of the finest minds the government hires, we are in big trouble. Photo: AP Photo

CHICAGO, May 22, 2013 — Before a congressional hearing, Lois Lerner opened with a statment. “I have not done anything wrong,” she said. “I have not broken any laws. I have not violated any IRS rules or regulations. And I have not provided false information to this or any other congressional committee.” 

Lerner then added that following the advice of counsel, she was invoking her Fifth Amendment rights, declaring that she “will not answer any of the questions or testify today.” 


SEE RELATED: The Obama Doctrine: “I know nothing”


Lois Lerner is living breathing proof that bureaucrats, especially high-level bureaucrats, do not possess innate intelligence, despite supposedly being educated. They have no capacity in their craniums for gray matter. They do not have the ability to think without someone telling them what to think. Lois Lerner and those like here are dumber than a box of rocks. 

During her appearance before a congressional hearing into alleged IRS wrongdoing, she made a statement that is shocking, appalling, and demonstrates the low threshold the government uses in hiring people.

As any lowlife, illiterate criminal will tell you, if you are going to take the Fifth, you say nothing. You clam up. Seal the soup coolers. You do not make one peep, except to recite your Fifth Amendment right to remain silent. 

You definitely do not say you did noting wrong, broke no laws, or violated no rules and then invoke the Fifth.


SEE RELATED: Obama’s handlers mishandle the Chicago Way


You immediately invoke the Fifth from the time your brain container hits the chair. Your prepared statement should be your Fifth Amendment right to silence. Silence is golden. Noise is dangerous and makes you look like an idiot.

High-ranking bureaucrats may be idiots, but they should not look like them. 

During the organized crime hearings of the 1950s and 60s, well dressed wealthy men who had little or no education, eloquently recited their rights under the Fifth Amendment. Some did so hundreds of times throughout the questioning. When watching old news reels, one could wonder who the dunces were: the mobsters who refused to answer, or the idiots that kept asking questions of people who refused to answer. 

Taking the Fifth is perfectly acceptable. It is not an admission of guilt. It is your right. However, if you are going to do it, do it right. Except for your name and other demographic information, you invoke the Fifth. 

A genuinely intelligent person would have said this. “My name is Inigo Montoya. I am Master of the Sword for the IRS. From this point on, I am invoking my right under the Fifth Amendment of the United States Constitution to remain silent as anything I say may incriminate me.” 

If the bureaucrat is too stupid to remember that mouthful, God created these wonderful things called index cards to write stuff down on and read from. If the bureaucrat is illiterate, then the high-priced attorney representing the hapless paper pusher can recite the Fifth on his or her behalf. He should do something to earn his high hourly rate besides whisper in his client’s ear or impersonate a potted plant. 

Hopefully, there would be one or two intelligent and awake congressmen who would release the witness, as invoking the Fifth makes him or her useless. This would save time. Call the next witness and move forward. 

If Lois Lerner could make it to the top of the bureaucratic heap, it should scare you. It should make you question how our government can put such stupid people in charge to manage sensitive agencies like the IRS. 

The only people dumber than voters are politicians. The only people dumber than politicians are bureaucrats. America is becoming a nation populated by idiots, governed by cretins, and managed by morons. 


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Peter Bella

Peter Bella is a retired Chicago Police Officer, freelance photographer, freelance writer, budding videographer, and passionate cook.  He aims to be the sharp stick that pokes and annoys.  The Middle Class Guy is a political column written from a center-right point of view.  While concentrating mainly on politics he will stray into culture, entertainment, sports, cooking, and humor from time to time, along with Memories of things Pabst.  All from a middle class perspective.

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