CHICAGO, March 6, 2011— In an unexpected twist, the Obama administration yanked the G-8 out from under the tiny feet of Chicago mayor, Rahm Emanuel.
The G-8 was to be held back to back with the NATO Conference in Chicago with the G-8 held on May 18th and19th followed by NATO on the 20th and 21st.
No reason was given for the abrupt change. Mayor Emanuel, President Obama’s former chief of staff, was notified only hours before the official White House announcement.
Emanuel lobbied heavily to have both conferences in Chicago, the President’s adopted hometown.
Everyone is claiming victory. Rahm is claiming victory, because some of the G-8 leaders will still come here for the NATO conference.
Floppupy Chicago is claiming victory, but no one knows why.
Professional protest organizer, Andy Thayer, is happy because “tens of thousands” of protesters will still descend on the city. According to him they hate NATO as much as the G-8.
Another professional protester, local SEIU organizer, and terrorist investigation target of the F.B.I, Joe Losbaker is claiming victory, but he states there will still be protests at the NATO conference.
The people are claiming victory and very happy because they can now work and play downtown, without inconvenience. The businesses are happy because they will not lose money due to street closings because of motorcades and mobs of unruly protesters, organized by Thayer and Losbaker.
Everyone is happy. Rahm says we should all be happy in the land of Rahmanistan, no matter what happens. So we are all happy, happy, happy. Happiness has been dictated from on high.
Rumors are rife as to why the change was made at this late date.
The real reason for the change could be as simple as the president wanting to host world leaders at Camp David. It could be to prevent violent civil disobedience in his adopted hometown.
Walinda, the White House astrologer may have felt the stars and the moon would not be in proper alignment for a Chicago meeting.
The President might just want to look presidential in an intimate presidential setting. It’s about time. He may also want to apologize for something without the whole world watching.
Or maybe Team Obama convinced the President that Rahm Emanuel would be getting too much attention and glory. After all, Chicago is Rahm’s town. It is renamed Rahmanistan in his honor.
During and after all the hoopla with the two conferences all everyone would be talking about is Rahm. Obama would get lost in the shuffle.
Who knows why the G-8 was changed? Who cares? The citizens of Chicago didn’t want it anyway. Only Rahm did. They could cancel NATO too, for all we care.
We don’t need a bunch of elitist Eurocrats coming here telling us we are a world-class city. We already know that.
Where else can you get a hearty bowl of czernina, a hunk of haggis, lengua in salsa verde, chicken livers and onions, hot links, rib tips, with some sanguinaccio for dessert.
People from all over the world live here. One of the largest Polish populations outside of Poland, Germans, Slavs, Italians, Russians, Romanians, Bulgarians, Greeks, Irish, English, French, Belgians, and others all call Chicago home.
There are the various Asians, Middle Easterners, West Asians, Caribes, Mexicans, and Central and South Americans.
We even have Mongolians and Inuits living in Chicago. Bet they don’t have any of them in gay Paree.
All good hard working people. Why in God’s name do we need a bunch of elitist Eurocrat snobs coming here. It’s not like they were going to drop a few million bucks in the neighborhood joints or rub elbows with the real people of Chicago.
None of them were going to drink in our local taverns or eat at our neighborhood restaurants. They weren’t leaving the downtown area.
So there is no monetary or cultural benefit to us. Yeah, in Chicago, it is all about us. “Where’s mine” is the motto, as it should be.
These two conferences also threatened to hinder Chicagoeans day-to-day activities, something we really detest. So it’s better for the G-8 to wander the rustic trails of Camp David in their European designer clothes than cause all kinds of inconvenience to the citizens of Chicago.
It would not do Chicago any good. For that matter the G-8 does nothing to benefit America anyway. It would have been much better for them to stay in Europe, where they belong. They could solve their own massive problems, instead of coming here and trying to infect us with their collectivist ideas or drag us down the drain with them.
Yeah, I know America is a member of the G-8, I just can’t figure out why. We won their wars and bailed out most of those countries at one time or another. What have they ever done for us?
So we, the people of Rahmanistan, owe our president a debt of gratitude for the two-day reprieve. He kept a bunch of pests and beggars from descending on our great city. We can enjoy our city without interference and he can reclaim some glory.
Until Saturday, May 20th, when it will be Rahm’s turn to bask in the glory of the NATO conference and we have to suffer the consequences.
Peter V. Bella is a retired Chicago Police Officer, freelance writer and photographer, cook, and raconteur. He likes to be the sharp stick that pokes, prods, and annoys. His opinions are his and his alone.
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