CHICAGO, December 26, 2012 — Pundits, columnists, magazines, and entertainment venues will soon be posting their Top Ten lists for 2012.
The entire top ten whatevers of 2012 will be on display during the next week. It will be the usual assortment of nonsense, creativity, photographs, so-called news stories, and other media and entertainment extravaganzas and disasters.
Since we are devolving and sinking as a nation, culture, and people, I have decided on a Bottom Ten list to celebrate America’s race to the bottom.
Everyday in every way, America regularly proves it is inhabited, informed, and governed by backwoods rubes and bark chewers. It is getting very hard to discern who is dumber: the American voter, the politicians they elect, or the media who report the news and entertain them.
America never has to fear aliens landing here seeking intelligent life. And since there is no leadership, there would be no leader to take them to.
Here is your 2012 Bottom Ten list America:
10.) Reality shows like “The Real Housewives of Wherever.” The popularity of these shows demonstrates that American culture is in serious trouble. Mindless people are mindlessly entertained by classless women with money behaving badly. Right down there with the Housewives are other shows featuring talentless nobodies, like “Dancing with Stupid,” “American Idiot,” and “I’m a Moron Get Me Out of Here.”
9.) Kim Kardashian. How could a triple barstool derriere with a vacant cranial cavity attract so much fascination and idolatry? In the media’s case, reporting on Kardashian’s every move with wide-angle lenses proves higher education is vastly overrated.
8.) Facebook and Twitter. These popular social networking sites have replaced bathroom walls for lowbrow commentary, graffiti, and tagging. They are the great equalizer, proving that equality is alive and well in America. No matter how powerful or weak, well known or unknown, educated or illiterate, wealthy or poor, all idiots are equal. “My account was hacked” should be the number one Top Ten quote and lie of 2012.
7.) The White House Press Corps. They epitomize the cowardice and laziness of so-called journalism. Good little boys and girls, they sit obediently with their feet flat on the floor, their backs straight, knees together, waiting for the latest handout from the administration to copy and paste. They ask no questions and tell whatever prevarications the administration wants. They show that anyone with an open hand and closed mind can be a journalist.
6.) The United States Senate and the United States House of Representatives. They are useless, irresponsible, inept, and ineffective. Never have so many with so few brain cells run our government. Our legislature is just one step removed from that other species of sub-human, the celebrity.
5.) The United Nations. It has been a joke for decades and is getting worse. The fact that people take it seriously says more about people than the U.N. The United Nations is a feather bed of sweetheart jobs. It is one of the few places left where people show up to collect a paycheck for doing nothing.
4.) The Department of State. It is inhabited by clowns, jugglers, and plate spinners. Though highly entertaining, they are disastrously funny. They will soon be on an equal status with the United Nations.
3.) President Obama, Harry Reid, and John Boehner. They are the Three Stooges of American politics. They give whole new meaning to slap stick comedy. This trio could screw up a one car funeral in a one horse town with a population of one, the deceased. At least the Stooges were talented.
2.) The news media. In the USSR, the main newspapers were “Pravda” (“Truth”) and “Izvestia” (“News”). This led to the Soviet joke, “There’s no news in the Truth and no truth in the News.” Welcome to the USSR.
The American news media have abandoned any claim to journalism, journalistic integrity, or basic ethics. We should never use the term “journalism” for media opinion shaping or its biased and discriminatory reportage of news. These propagandists are “media stars,” not reporters, and they’ve merged news with celebrity. Facts and truth are antipodal to modern journalism. “News” is whatever they make up that day from the press releases they cheerfully copy and paste without questioning or fact checking.
1.) Number 1 on the Bottom Ten list for 2012 goes to the American voter. You reelected a failed president, failed representatives, senators, governors, mayors, and state and municipal legislators. You reelected people who did nothing for the past two, four, or six years except show up, get their mugs on television, and collect a paycheck. You elected and reelected glib tongued con artists, charlatans, and frauds. You believed all the lies propagated by the media and their television tutu clad blow-dried prancing poodles.
Congratulations America. You proved the political adage, “Never underestimate the stupidity of the American voter.” You have the government you deserve.
Some special mentions:
1. New-age calendarists deserve special attention for not understanding the Maya calendar and getting the end of the world wrong. Pity.
2. The National Weather service and our comedic media deserve a special commendation for weather reporting. The screaming headlines and sports-style commentary to warn us that it snows and gets cold and windy in winter is a beyond humorous. Wintermageddon is upon us. Run for your lives!
3. The National Hockey League, whatever that is.
4. The pro and anti gun nuts who prove that flatulence is a major threat to the environment.
5. Last, there are the on-line petition people who are calling for the deportation of the pastor and members of Westboro Baptist Church for their truly abhorrent behavior, most recently at the funeral of the Connecticut shooting victims.
Um, folks, American born citizens cannot be deported. The First Amendment protects their tasteless protests just like it protects your genuine stupidity. And to think, they let you people vote.
Peter V. Bella is a retired Chicago Police Officer, freelance journalist and photojournalist, cook, and raconteur. He likes to be the irreverent sharp stick that pokes, prods, and annoys. His opinions are his and his alone. Mr. Bella is a member of the National Press Photographers Association, Online News Association, Chicago Headline Club, and the Society for Professional Journalists.
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