Ban guns and other inanimate objects for the good of all

Guns and other inanimate objects should be banned for the common good. Photo: AP

CHICAGO, August 8, 2012- 2012 will go down in history as the Summer of Violence, especially in our large cities. The urban violence and recent mass murders in Colorado and Wisconsin have the gun control advocates generating headlines and fund raising missives. It is always about the money. 

Anti-gun advocates are demanding responsible common sense gun control, whatever that is. Their real goal is the eventual banning of all firearms. Typical of their political ilk, they blame inanimate objects for violence instead of people. 

Their logic is simple. Since society cannot control human nature, the few dangerous people running around, and just plain irresponsible people, inanimate objects that can possibly endanger and kill people should be banned. Everyone must be punished for the actions of a few and for the better good of all. 

I am on fully and totally on board with this. The vast majority of the population must be protected from a few evil or irresponsible people. Here is a list of inanimate objects that should be banned for the common good, to save lives, and of course for the safety of the ubiquitous children: 

Motor vehicles kill more people, especially children, every year than guns and wars. We should ban all motor vehicles since we cannot guarantee every driver will not kill someone, whether drunk or sober. People can walk or take buses. This will also have a positive effect on personal health and the environment. 

Trains, public transportation and railroads, are used by many people to commit suicide. They throw themselves on the tracks in front of moving trains. All trains should be banned. If one person can be saved from suicide by banning all trains the effort will be well worth it. Planes, trucks, and buses can replace trains to transport people, goods, and raw materials. 

Knives are used in many homicides, suicides, and crimes. People also suffer major self-inflicted injuries while handling knives. To protect the public and save lives all knives for personal use should be banned. Industries relying on knives should be forced to register each and every knife they purchase. 

Drowning in residential swimming pools kills children every year. In order to protect “the children” no residential property should be allowed to have any sized pool, even wading pools. Banning all private swimming pools will save children’s lives. 

Every year some poor dope smugglers suffer horrible deaths due to condoms. The smugglers cache drugs in condoms, swallow them, and transport them to dealers. Stomach acid eats away at the condoms causing large amounts of drugs to enter the system at once. Since the government refuses to clamp down on the drug trade and to save people from these horrible deaths condoms should be banned. 

Molotov cocktails create horrendous fires and cause death and destruction. They are a favorite weapon of anarchists, terrorists, and some criminals. One of the most effective products used to make Molotov cocktails is the tampon. Tampons should be banned to save people from fiery death and disfigurement. Tampons should be considered a weapon of terrorists and criminals. 

Fumes from burning plastic kill innocent victims of fires and first responders. The sale and manufacturing of all plastics should be banned. All products should be manufactured out of one hundred percent natural resources sans petroleum distillates, additives, or products. 

Hosiery is used to injure and rob people. Criminals put hard objects such as rocks and batteries in socks and stockings. They approach victims from behind and beat them with this homemade weapon. Then they rob them. Longer hosiery is used to strangle victims. All hosiery should be banned. Better people do without hosiery to save lives and prevent criminal injuries. 

Every year people are seriously injured in bar fights. Barstools maim and cripple people when used as a weapon. All barstools and chairs should be banned from establishments that serve alcohol, including dining and fine dining establishments. People should standing to drink, eat saving others from catastrophic injury and death, is just common sense. 

Baseball bats are used as weapons and have killed or catastrophically injured many people over the decades. There is only one way to prevent these horrendous deaths and injuries. The sport of baseball should be banned. There are too many bats to just ban and confiscate. Banning baseball would put bat manufacturers out of business. Owing or possessing a baseball bat should be a felony punishable by five years in prison. 

Every year thousands of people are killed or suffer catastrophic injuries while riding bicycles. Most are killed due to their own carelessness and irresponsible violations of rules of the road. Many people suffer catastrophic injuries. All bicycles and human powered cycles should be banned to stop these deaths. This would have the added effect of lowering auto insurance rates for the rest of us. 

I am sure there are plenty of other dangerous useful everyday items we can control or ban. It is better to punish everyone for the irresponsible follies and evil of a few. If one life can be saved it is well worth the sacrifice. If one catastrophic injury or a serious crime can be prevented why would any one object? 

Responsible people can agree that banning and controlling everyday inanimate objects, or vehicles that could possibly be used to harm, maim, or kill people is just plain common sense. 

Bans and controls are the only way we, as a society, can protect ourselves from ourselves. The best common sense approach is to simply amputate hands at birth. This would stop people from using them to handle weapons, everyday objects that can be used as weapons, or as weapons themselves. 

Peter V. Bella is a retired Chicago Police Officer, freelance journalist and photojournalist, cook, and raconteur.  He likes to be the irreverent sharp stick that pokes, prods, and annoys.  His opinions are his and his alone. Mr. Bella is a member of the National Press Photographers Association and the Society for Professional Journalists. 




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Peter Bella

Peter Bella is a retired Chicago Police Officer, freelance photographer, freelance writer, budding videographer, and passionate cook.  He aims to be the sharp stick that pokes and annoys.  The Middle Class Guy is a political column written from a center-right point of view.  While concentrating mainly on politics he will stray into culture, entertainment, sports, cooking, and humor from time to time, along with Memories of things Pabst.  All from a middle class perspective.

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