HAWAII, January 30, 2012―It just dawned on me today that my timeline is filled with complaints of fellow friends, think-tank wonks and journalists alike who are totally burned out over the GOP debates and primaries. With so many more on the way and many hidden surprises yet to come, I thought a little injection of self-depreciating humor might be in order. (If you can’t laugh at yourself or your friends, what good is life?)
Here are the top ten ways to tell you might be following the 2012 GOP race too closely (and need to take a time-out) …
#1. When you take a multiple choice personality test that asks, “What is your biggest fear in life?” you are upset that “a nuclear armed Iran” isn’t one of the available responses.
#2. When the garbage collector shows up late, you immediately blame unions and big government.
#3. Whenever your spouse/significant other commands you to do something you don’t like, you respond, “I’m against individual mandates.”
#4. When your boss pulls you aside to reprimand you about something you did wrong, you tell him that he should really be asking Barack Obama those questions.
#5. When articles about the upcoming Super Bowl claim that your favorite team “can’t win,” you accidentally think they are talking about Newt Gingrich or Ron Paul and get extremely offended.
#6. You’ve actually e-mailed Newt Gingrich’s campaign to recommend to them sci-fi superweapons as platform points. Your suggestions include anti-planet superlasers, Marine shock troops dropped from orbit, and anti-asteroid guns that double as anti-aircraft/anti-ICBM weapons.
#7. Your scribbled to-do list on the refrigerator for today includes:
-Take the clothes to the dry cleaners
-Pick up milk from the store
-Organize the pro-civilization activists
#8. When your spouse/significant other sharply rebukes you for not remembering a birthday or anniversary, you accidentally say, “Because the Constitution won’t let me!”
#9. When your spouse/significant other gets into a heated argument with you, you de-stress by later telling your friends over a beer how you were “only given 89 seconds to speak.”
#10. And last but definitely not least: No matter what your favorite candidate says during a debate – good or bad, tired or alert – you automatically vote in every online news poll that he won the debate!
Danny de Gracia is a political scientist, an ordained minister and a former senior adviser to two committee chairs of the Hawaii State House of Representatives. He currently lives in Hawaii.
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