SILVER SPRING, Md., December 21, 2011 — When you parent a child with autism, there are some very scary things to deal with—IEP meetings, comparing your child to her peers, seeing your son struggle to make friends, questions about the future, the specter of bullying—these are just a few. Fortunately, there are some great joys that are inherent in parenting an autistic child. Here are my top ten joys of raising a child with autism.
10. Your kid with autism is going to make you laugh. Whether it's because his lack of guile makes him honest about everything or because his brain comes up with creative autistic thoughts (example: the drawing at the top of this page), the things that come out of his mouth or through her sign language are going to render you speechless.
9. You will become less judgmental. Maybe you used to roll your eyes when you saw kids acting oddly in public. Now, having been through meltdowns that strangers didn't understand, you realize that you don't really know anyone's background story and that maybe you should cut people a little slack.
8. You will never take a small victory for granted. When you have a child with a developmental delay, no accomplishment is insignificant. Whether it is your son's first lie, your daughter accepting a hug, or the first time your child says "I love you," you will see every step, no matter how small, as a giant leap for your child.
7. You might see them embrace their uniqueness. The other day I said something to my 8-year-old son about being weird. "Mom, I am weird," he said. I asked if he liked being that way and he answered with an unthinking, "Yeah." Watching your child realize that it is not just okay, but great to be different is the best thing in the world.
6. You will find friends in the autism community who are like family. Whether they are autistic people themselves or other parents of kids with autism, finding people who really get it will change your life. You will also be able to quickly determine people's character by the way they treat your child.
5. You finally have a name for those quirks you've had your whole life, but thought just made you strange. Whether formally on the spectrum or not, many parents of kids with autism see themselves in their autistic children. Learning that there is a word and a neurological reason for your eccentricities can be freeing.
4. You will find your power. Whether it is advocating for your child to make sure he gets the services he needs, pushing for legislation and insurance reform, or helping self-advocates find the platforms they need to use their voices, you will learn just how powerful you are.
3. You get to watch your child play adapted sports. Whether it's Special Olympics or any of a number of sport-specific programs, watching your child find a sport he can do with the support of coaches and mentors who work so hard to see him succeed will fill your heart every time. If you attend any sort of special needs sports tournament, be sure to bring a lot of tissues.
2. You will find role models in unexpected places. Maybe you share stories of successful autistic adults with your child so he knows he can do anything. But knowing that not everyone can grow up to be Temple Grandin, you see autistic adults living and working in your community and are so grateful for their leadership and existence.
1. Just as with any child, your kid with autism is going to give you so much love. Whether he can say it in words or not, having a child is intensely rewarding. With an autistic child, sometimes it feels so hard that you're not sure you're going to make it to bedtime, but it is always worth it.
Bonus: When you parent an autistic child, there is no way you can stop at ten ways he gives you joy. The joyful moments are myriad and exalted. People will often tell parents of kids with autism that their child is lucky to have them. They are wrong. We are so lucky to have THEM.
Thank you to my autism mom friends who shared their joys in parenting autistic kids when I was writing this column.
Jean writes a personal blog at Stimeyland and an autism-events website for Montgomery County, Maryland, at AutMont. You can find her on Twitter as @Stimey. Read more of Jean's work at Autism Unexpected in the Communities at the Washington Times. Please credit Jean Winegardner and the "Communities at WashingtonTimes.com" when linking to this story.
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