SAN DIEGO, September 12, 2011 – Caregiving for aging family members is challenging in the best of circumstances. In today’s mobile society where family members often live hundreds or thousands of miles apart, it is especially stressful. It can create a constant sense of concern, and generate tremendous guilt.
The National Institute of Health (NIH) estimates that seven million Americans are long-distance caregivers, defined as providing caregiving for someone who lives an hour’s drive or more away. It can range from providing respite care to a spouse or another relative who is the primary in-home caregiver; providing remote financial or medical management support; arranging and supervising in-home care; or being available in case of emergency. Some long-distance caregivers step in as advocates for their aging relatives, negotiating with insurance companies and banks.
The typical long-distance caregiver is a middle-aged working mother with many family responsibilities at home. But happily this is changing as more men become engaged. Some surveys now show men are up to 40 percent of all caregivers. But whatever your gender, income, age, social circumstances or employment, long-distance caregiving is an enormous challenge.
Frequently long-distance caregiving starts out on a manageable level. It may take the form of more regular phone calls to "check up" on Mom, an offer to get medical information or conduct online banking or bill payment. Next it’s a weekend visit every month to "help out," buy groceries, cook and do some chores. Before you know it, your family member needs more help than you are able to manage.
Credit Michael Helmer.
We occasionally hear about episodes where a senior is found to be living in deplorable, unsafe conditions. Their family members express shock, and say Mom or Dad seemed "OK" during the last visit, or said things were "fine" when they talked on the telephone. News media talk to neighbors and acquaintances who are quoted as having some vague idea of the person’s decline, but they don’t ever really check into the situation.
As the president and founder of a private duty home care agency for 27 years, I can tell you without a doubt that this does not need to happen. My great fear is that unless we educate ourselves and remain vigilant as a society, this problem is only going to grow worse as the Silver Tsunami hits.
The Baby Boomer population is rapidly aging, with 20,000 people turning 65 every day in the United States over the next few decades. Seniors and their loved ones may not be aware of a gradual decline and may be reluctant to accept reality, or unable to plan for needed care.
It can be very difficult to determine when aging shifts from manageable with a few adaptations to an acute situation where a higher level of care is needed. Family dynamics and emotional or psychological issues can cloud the decision-making to an ever greater degree.
The National Institute of Health offers a thoughtful online publication that can help you and your family navigate this difficult decision called So Far Away: Twenty Questions and Answers About Long-Distance Caregiving. It answers many of the questions facing anyone in this situation whether now or in the near future.
Thankfully for many, private caregiving in the home is all that’s needed to prevent or at least prolong the time before more intensive assisted living is necessary. Everyone wants to stay in his or her home as long as possible. As taxpayers, we should aggressively embrace this model of senior care, because it is the most cost effective as well as the most humane.
Until next time, enjoy the ride in good health!
NEXT WEEK: How to Choose a Caring Caregiver
Laurie Edwards-Tate, MS, is President and CEO of At Your Home Familycare in San Diego, California. In addition to her positions as entrepreneur, health care executive, educator, radio segment contributor and media guest, Edwards-Tate is also a wife, daughter, and dog lover. Read more LifeCycles in the Communities at The Washington Times. Follow At Your Home Familycare on Facebook and on Twitter @AYHFamilycare.
Copyright © 2011 by At Your Home Familycare
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