SAN DIEGO – September 21, 2011 - With bullying cases involving youth suicides at the forefront of the news, parents have good reason to be concerned about childhood bullying.
But most caring, responsible parents never imagine their own children will play the role of a bully. Still, all bullies have parents. It might end up being you.
Bullies harbor anger and tend to see the world in black and white. They feel they have been treated unfairly and that they lack acknowledgement. It can happen when there is other turmoil in the family, such as financial stresses, illness, or marital discord. In these situations, it is critical to watch your children for signs and symptoms of reactive behavior such as bullying. It will only make a challenging situation worse for everyone if not addressed quickly.
Bullying carries with it educational, legal and financial consequences that are too serious to be ignored. Could you or your bullying child live with being responsible for the suicide of another human being? Could you both deal with less dramatic but equally long term consequences, such as expulsion from school or jail time? Can you financially afford to defend against a lawsuit by the victim or his or her family? These are the real consequences of bullying allowed to get out of control.
Be open to the facts if you learn that your own child is a bully.
How can you tell if your child is a bully? Watch how your child treats other kids. Monitor e-communications and pay attention to popular websites such as MySpace and Facebook. Bullies often like to dominate others, hide their behavior from adults, blame someone else for their problems and derive satisfaction from the fear or pain of others.
What should you do if one day you get a call from your child’s school, telling you that your child has been bullying other kids? Stay calm and really listen to what teachers and counselors are telling you. This is difficult, but you must be open to the facts. Begin working with school personnel to find out what’s going on. If the negative behavior does not stop, consult a mental health professional. You want to nip bullying in the bud.
Bullying can quickly escalate to create legal consequences. If you are concerned that your child may harass or harm someone to the point of legal action, consult an experienced Family Law Attorney immediately to discuss the best options to remedy the situation not only for your family, but for those who may have been victimized.
How families can help prevent bullying:
- Create a home environment of tolerance, where differences are accepted and everyone feels valued.
- Encourage your school to develop policies and procedures regarding bullying.
- Ask for a bullying prevention program to be implemented in your school.
- Intervene every time you witness bullying behavior.
- If your child bullies others, provide predictable, consistent, matter-of-fact consequences.
- Support the child who is bullied. Work with the school to provide your child with effective protection against retaliation.
- Encourage bystanders to speak out against bullying behavior and to report it to adults.
- Spend time with your child. All children need a daily, personal connection with parents, teachers and other caring adults.
Myra Chack Fleischer founded Fleischer & Associates in 2001 and serves as Lead Counsel with a focus on divorce, property, custody and support, settlement agreements, mediation, asset division and family law appeals. Read more Legally Speaking in the Communities at The Washington Times. Follow Fleischer & Associates on Facebook and on Twitter @LawyerMyra
Copyright © 2011 by Fleischer & Associates, Attorneys at Law
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