HIGGINS: Feds subsidize Halloween, open Obama-Mart

Government candy is just plain better. Photo: Candy/ AP

WASHINGTON, November 1, 2013 — Millions of American children woke up today without their usual post-Halloween belly aches and chocolate nightmares. They went to bed bereft of the traditional pillow cases-full of candy. Even stranger, millions of young adults greeted the morning with clear eyes, having gone to bed as sober as a Puritan minister.

What happened?

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President Obama and a Democrat controlled house passed the ACAA, the Affordable Candy and Alcohol Act, or Candycare. Candycare was designed to ensure that every child will get the right amount of candy, and every adult party-goer will get all the booze they need. The law was set to go into place on October 31, 2013, Halloween night.

The law seemed simple enough, even though it faced stark opposition from chocoholics and partiers within the government. On October 1, the ACAA website, www.ropeadope.gov, went public. It was suppsed to allow children and partiers to log on, enter their personal information, how much candy or drinks they want, and how much they can afford. The government would provide them with a comprehensive candy or party plan which would be sufficient to their needs.

Many were skeptical about the new program; the private market was already responding to consumers via supply and demand forces. Many suspected that the president and HHS — Halloween and Hangover Services — would overregulate the consumption of candy and alcohol on the dark holiday. Many already had affordable and viable plans to collect candy and blackout stories. But President Obama assuaged their fears with a few simple words.

“You can keep your plan. Period.”

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That did not happen.

Despite repeated efforts over the last three years to assure trick-or-treaters and partiers that they would be able to pick their candy and their drinks, millions found that they were lied to. Many feel betrayed; President Obama ran his 2012 election campaign on the promise that despite upcoming laws, Americans would be able to pick and choose between keeping their existing plan, or switching to a federal plan. But early Halloween morning, millions of children and partiers received letters saying that their plans were no longer legal under the ACAA, and they would have to pay higher premiums to buy comparable plans.

Millions were affected.

Jay Carney, President Obama’s champion spokesman, had this to say:

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“So that’s the universe we’re talking about, 5 percent of the population.”

What Carney seemed to say is that Obama was telling the truth to 95 percent of Americans, and not the 15 million who were lied to, but it’s okay to lie to 5 percent.

Speaking in his own defense, the president had this to say:

“What we said is under the law, you’ve got to replace them with quality, comprehensive coverage, because that too was a central premise of the …” ACAA “… from the very beginning.”

Perhaps he needs someone to play him a recording of the time he said, “you can keep your plan. Period.” “Period” does not leave any room to pull a “what we actually said was …”

Many of the plans that have been offered in lieu of existing ones do not fit the needs or wants of the enrollee. For trick-or-treaters, old plans included things such as “candy with nuts,” or “coconut candy,” but now the same children are forced to take prune-flavored candy, and mint-flavored candy, and all kinds of candy they did not want in the first place. Partiers who were perfectly fine drinking whiskey and beer were told that they have to pay for table service at a night club if they wanted to go out.

People who choose to opt out of the program are forced to pay a fine. When they get hungry or want to party, they are welcome to opt back in to the system and receive benefits, despite not having paid into it at all.

Trick-or-treaters are told which houses they are allowed to visit, and which candies they are allowed to receive there. If one child gets more candy than the others, it is put into a candy savings account where it is evenly distributed among children who did not feel like trick-or-treating.

The party plans tell partiers which bars to go to, and which drinks they can order there. Any excess fun is taken and put into a short term savings bond, and the fun is then distributed to those who did not feel like going out to party on Halloween.

To add insult to injury, those who were dropped by their individual candy and party plans received a generous offer from Obama to trick-or-treat at government sites next year if they could not find a private, non-government sponsored plan to go on.

“So if you’re getting one of these letters, just shop around in the new marketplace. That’s what it’s for,”

That means next year, those 15 million trick or treaters and party goers will have to choose between paying an exorbitant amount of money for a government plan which gives them things they don’t want, and paying a fine and not trick-or-treating or partying at all.

It has come to light that the president and his administration were aware that millions of Americans would be dropped from their individual candy and party coverage. While the other 80 percent of Americans on “family plans” enjoy their candy and party coverage, the 5 percent who the government knew would not be able to keep their plans are being conveniently reminded that the government is here to help if you can’t afford those awful private individual premium payments.

One might start to think that President Obama wanted those 14 million Americans to suddenly lose coverage during the ACAA roll out, just to tantalizingly dangle the option of government subsidized candy and partying in front of them in their time of need.

So, 5 percent of the country has been deemed eligible by the Obama Administration to be cast aside like so many discarded candy wrappers and bottle caps. Those Americans who believed Obama when he said they could keep on eating their candy and drinking their faces off, no worries here, are now faced with the stark reality that what he really meant was only if your plan has “comprehensive” coverage. “Comprehensive” will be defined by the government.

Obama owes those 14 million Halloween-deprived people an explanation as to why they were lied to. Those 14 million were cheated out of their holiday by a lie. That cannot go unpunished.

How can the free market compete when the president shackles it with thousands of pages in new regulations and sets up a competing business? That’s like your dad telling you how to run your lemonade stand, and when it turns out his advice is bad, you turn around and he has his own federally subsidized lemonade stand ready to go.

Maybe that is what he wanted the entire time. Obama hamstrings the private market, then sets up shop with Obama-mart and fills the void in coverage with federally subsidized candy and booze. Government candy tastes better, you know. Step right up boys and girls, Obama-mart has the cure for what ails ya! It’s like that scene from Pinocchio where the kids all get turned into donkeys on Pleasure Island after being tricked by “Honest John.” Is that President Obama’s plan? Turn us all into donkeys?

Ain’t that some Halloween imagery for you? And you thought Halloween was over. 

Trick or treat!

This article is the copyrighted property of the writer and Communities @ WashingtonTimes.com. Written permission must be obtained before reprint in online or print media. REPRINTING TWTC CONTENT WITHOUT PERMISSION AND/OR PAYMENT IS THEFT AND PUNISHABLE BY LAW.

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Conor Higgins

Conor Higgins has a B.A. from Catholic University in DC in American History, with a concentration on guerrilla warfare on American soil. He has an M.A. in US History from George Mason University in Fairfax, VA, with a concentration on Cold War insurgency. He believes that all news and all information should be taken with a grain of salt, and implores people everywhere to seek news stories everywhere. 

Higgins is also a fervent believer in the traditional role of media, in terms of acting as a balanced check on government policies and individuals regardless of party affiliation. But in the end, he believes that no matter how heated an issue is, there is nothing that can't be discussed over a smoke and some whiskey. 

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