New Girl and the funniest two minutes on television

The ending of New Girl last night may perhaps be the funniest two minutes in television. Photo: Official New Girl Photo (Fox)

ROCKVILLE, Md, October 2, 2013 — If you like laughing and have a pulse, then you need to watch the FOX situation comedy “New Girl.” If you don’t watch this show, you are probably a terrible person with a seething hatred of candy, puppies, and smiling children.

“New Girl” is about a group of roommates with conflicting personalities that play off each other perfectly. Jess (Zooey Deschanel) and three long-time friends from college, Nick (Jake Johnson), Schmidt (Max Greenfield) and Winston (Lamorne Morris) all live together in an apartment so awesome that it probably doesn’t exist.

Jess is a quirky and awkward teacher with hot friends. Nick, who is a goofy bartender, dates Jess. Schmidt, who is an overbearing smartass, keeps the apartment clean. Winston is the wild card who is prone to taking things too far.

On to last night’s episode. Spoiler alerts below. You have been warned.

Schmidt is currently dating two girls, something which some might find out of character for the man, but it keeps the show fresh. One is from college, another is one of Jess’s model friends. For a few episodes, the audience has had to endure awkward “invited two girls to the dance” comedy which, while handled very well, can often cause physical pain if it does not end soon enough. In last night’s episode, we see Schmidt being forced by Jess to come clean to Cece, and then to Elizabeth (the other girl).

Schmidt then turns to Nick and Jess even as gooey pie plastered to his face from when Elizabeth smushed it only seconds earlier. He essentially blames them rather than himself for the heartbreak of his two now ex-girlfriends.

SEE RELATED: Brooklyn 99, worth the pat down

He vows with an apocalyptic tone that he will do everything in his power to break up Nick and Jess and show them the pain that he felt at that moment. This is basically the premise behind every “so you know my pain” movie, but with the levity of a sitcom and not the dark undertones of “Law Abiding Citizen” or “The Punisher” or you know … better movies.

What ensued after Schmidt’s warning was perhaps the funniest two minutes of television ever to air. In two minutes, Jess and Nick are forced to admit to one another everything they believe Schmidt may use against them. Instead of admitting “I slept with this girl” or “I once told Schmidt I hated you,” they use the time to go over the things that THEY believed he would use.

Not to spoil the entire thing, but festivities commence with Jess saying she is not allowed back to Lake Ontario. The wild rumpus ends with Nick saying he thinks all horses are space aliens. In between are rapid fire confessions and arguments and tandems about everything you could imagine. Again, two minutes of possibly the funniest television you have ever watched. Though you may be worried that we’re setting too high a level of expectation, this explanation of those two minutes could not begin to do it justice.

Give it a watch. The show comes on right after Brooklyn-99 9 (Fox), which you should already be watching in the first place. Combined, these two shows make Tuesday night a little less terrible and help hasten the arrival of our goddess, the weekend. 


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Conor Higgins

Conor Higgins has a B.A. from Catholic University in DC in American History, with a concentration on guerrilla warfare on American soil. He has an M.A. in US History from George Mason University in Fairfax, VA, with a concentration on Cold War insurgency. He believes that all news and all information should be taken with a grain of salt, and implores people everywhere to seek news stories everywhere. 

Higgins is also a fervent believer in the traditional role of media, in terms of acting as a balanced check on government policies and individuals regardless of party affiliation. But in the end, he believes that no matter how heated an issue is, there is nothing that can't be discussed over a smoke and some whiskey. 

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