"I Wanna Whip Your Cow": Top 40 greatest country song titles

If you can write about cheating lovers, prison, drinking or broken hearts you can write country music. Here's some of the best titles ever. Photo: Grand Ole Opry

CHARLOTTEApril 1, 2013 – Remember the good old days when AM radio stations had music programs called the “Top 40”?

If you lived in the south, every city had a Top 40 Country and Western station and many still do.

Years ago a local sportswriter for the Charlotte Observer published an annual list of his favorite country music song titles. Readers waited eagerly to read the latest compilation of legitimate songs that came out each year.

This may sound like an April Fool’s joke, but the following list of songs from the archives of Country and Western music is the real deal. Here is a “Top 40” selection of classic country music song titles.

If you can read the entire list without laughing out loud, you belong in one of the titles.

“When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, so I’ll Think You’re Walking in”

“The Last Word in Lonesome is ‘Me’”

“I Wanna Whip Your Cow”

“We Used to Kiss on the Lips, but It’s all Over Now”

“I Gave Her my Heart and a Diamond and she Clubbed me With a Spade”

“Get Your Tongue Outta my Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Good-bye”

“I Wish I Were a Woman so I Could go Out with a Guy Like me”

“Did I Shave my Legs for This?”

“I Don’t Know Whether to Kill Myself or go Bowling”

“I Fell for her, She Fell for him, and He Fell for me”

“If I Can’t be Number One in Your Life, Then Number Two on You”

“Mama Get a Hammer There’s a Fly on Daddy’s Head”

“If the Phone Don’t Ring, You’ll Know It’s me”

“How Can I Miss You if You Won’t go Away”

“I’d Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me than a Frontal Lobotomy”

“I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You”

“I Liked You Better Before I Knew You so Well”

“I Still miss You Baby, but My Aim’s Gettin’ Better”

“It Only Takes one Bar to make a Prison”

“I Wouldn’t take her to a Dog Fight, Cause I’m Afraid She’d Win”

“I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let’s Honeymoon Tonight”

“I’m so Miserable Without You; It’s Like Having You Here”

“My Wife Ran Off With my Best Friend and I Sure do Miss Him”

“You’re the Reason our Kids are so Ugly”

“I Ain’t Never Gone to Bed with an Ugly Woman, but I Sure Woke up With a Few”

“At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump”

“Can’t Get Over You, so Why Don’t You Get Under Me?”

“I Got In at 2 With a 10 and Woke Up at 10 With a 2”

“I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third time and Gave Her a Second Chance to make a First Class Fool out of Me”

“If Fingerprints Showed up on Skin, Wonder Whose I’d Find on You.”

“If I Were in Your Shoes, I’d Walk Right Back to Me”

“If You Don’t Leave Me Alone, I’ll Go and Find Someone else who Will”

“If You Want your Freedom PDQ, Divorce me COD”

“I’m Gonna put a Bar in the Back of my Car and Drive Myself to Drink”

“It Takes me all Night Long to do What I Used to do all Night Long”

“They May put me in Prison, but They Can’t Stop my Face from Breakin’ Out”

“If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead?”

“There Ain’t Enough Room in my Fruit of the Looms to Hold All My Lovin’ for You”

It would be next to impossible to choose the best song title for the above list, but if I had to pick just one, here is the song that was my personal favorite….

“If She Hadn’t Been so Good Lookin’ I Might Have Seen the Train”

Peabod is Bob Taylor, owner of Taylored Media Services in CharlotteNCTaylor is founder of The Magellan Travel Club, which creates, and escorts customized tours to SwitzerlandFrance and Italy for groups of 12 or more.

Inquiries for groups can be made at Peabod@aol.com Taylored Media has produced marketing videos for British Rail, Rail Europe, Switzerland Tourism, the Swedish Travel & Tourism Council, the Finnish Tourist Board, the Swiss Travel System and Japan Railways Group among others.

As author of The Century Club book, Peabod is now attempting to travel to 100 countries or more during his lifetime. To date he has visited 71 countries. Suggest someplace new for Bob to visit; if you want to know where he has been, check his list on Facebook. Bob plans to write a sequel to his book when he reaches his goal of 100 countries. He also played professional baseball for four years and was a sportscaster for 14 years at WBTV, the CBS affiliate in Charlotte.

This article is the copyrighted property of the writer and Communities @ WashingtonTimes.com. Written permission must be obtained before reprint in online or print media. REPRINTING TWTC CONTENT WITHOUT PERMISSION AND/OR PAYMENT IS THEFT AND PUNISHABLE BY LAW.

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Bob Taylor

Bob Taylor has been travel writer for more than three decades. Following a career as an award winning sports producer/anchor, Taylor’s media production business produced marketing presentations for Switzerland Tourism, Rail Europe, the Finnish Tourist Board, Japan Railways Group, the Swedish Travel & Tourism Council and the Swiss Travel System among others. He is founder of The Magellan Travel Club (www.MagellanTravelClub.com) and his goal is to visit 100 countries or more during his lifetime.


Contact Bob Taylor


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