WASHINGTON, DC, March 20, 2013—Ten years ago some brave, young heroic men fought for what they believed in and preserved the American way of life. No, not George W. Bush and the Iraq War (although I supported that). These men were led by Luke “the Godfather” Wilson, Will “Frank the Tank” Ferrell and Vince “Beanie” Vaughn. Joseph “Blue” Pulaski did not die in vain. A decade later, honor these heroes in remembrance of one of the most important movies ever made, “Old School.”
The Iraq War was a battle between civilization and barbarism. Old School was as well, except that the barbarians were the good guys. The mythical “war on women” perpetuated by Sandra Fluke is nothing compared to the war on men that began with Phil Donahue. Metrosexuals invaded American culture and created a generation of beta she-males.
It was William F. Buckley who claimed he would stand in front of the bad guys trying to destroy society and yell “stop!” The attempt to feminize all men was succeeding. Then Old School came along. These men demanded that the madness stop. Male biology would be restored in all its glory.
Male bonding would be restored. When the new pledges came in, Beanie pointed out that maybe they would question why one end of a rope was tied around a boulder and the other end around their appendage. “The key, gentlemen, is trust.”
These men did not eat their vegetables. They drank, partied, and cussed (except when Beanie’s young son was in the room. Somebody would yell “earmuffs” and the kid would cover his ears to avoid being influenced by bad words.)
At age 30, my friends teased me for dating a 19 year old. It was time to mature. They were right, and my next girlfriend was 20. Yet when Old School came out, 30 was in the rear view mirror. Now I was 31. Things had to change.
No they did not. If any lesson came out of Old School, it is that maturity will be upon us before we know it. Our male lives will be reduced to trips to Ikea and conversations about barbecue equipment and combating crabgrass. Video games will be unrecognizable.
Old School gave alpha males everywhere hope. It was acceptable to go back to South Beach, Miami for Spring Break. A forty year old on the arm is not the same as a twenty year old giggly coed on each arm. A pair of twenty year old giggly coeds on each arm was exponentially nicer.
Time goes by fast. As Beanie pointed out, “Blue was old. Old people die. That’s what they do.” Frank the Tank reminded us that in the end we are all “dust in the wind.”
Not every line was crossed. Beanie stayed faithful to his wife. Frank the Tank sobered up and joined the campus radio station one year after I did. The Godfather finally got the hot girl with the Whitesnake jeans jacket.
Yet life is about the journey, not the destination. That means men should have time while they are young to delay responsibilities and do what men are supposed to do. Ride a mechanical bull. Crush cans on the forehead. Play video games. Jello wrestle with hot girls.
They can try and ban guns. They can try and ban soda. They will not ban KY Jello wrestling. They will have to remove the stuff from my cold, dead, sticky hands.
The men of Old School are over 40 now. Beanie has his family. Frank is living his life on campus, and making sure the new pledges turn out to be honorable alpha male recruits. Even the Godfather has probably mellowed. Yet for a brief time, he took a bunch of misfits and brought them glory. The war on alpha (real) males was suspended.
Thank you Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell, and Godfather Luke Wilson. A decade later, you men are still heroes.
As for Patrick Cranshaw up in the sky, there is only one thing to say.
“Blue! You’re my boy Blue! You’re my boy!”
God bless Old School now and forever. On behalf of Alpha Males everywhere, thank you for fighting and preserving our freedoms.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS.
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