WASHINGTON, DC, March 18, 2013—In 1980, the mystery of “Who shot J.R.” was the most watched program in television history at that time. His sister-in-law Kristin Shephard was the triggerwoman. J.R. was shot or almost shot several times over the decades, but two weeks ago on “Dallas” he was shot and killed for good. Actor Larry Hagman departed for the big oil rig in the sky, so J.R. had to join him. Last week family members identified the body and held a very poignant funeral. Over the next few episodes we learn who killed him.
In 1980 the entire cast was kept in the dark, not knowing until the episode aired. This year Patrick Duffy is the only cast member to know the truth. Even Linda Gray does not know. The only thing Duffy has said is that his character Bobby Ewing did not do it.
So who did it? Who killed J.R.?
Let’s have some fun and let the guessing games begin, starting with Season 2, Episode 9 of the relaunched Dallas.
In addition to Bobby and Sue Ellen, their sons Christopher and John Ross are innocent unless the producers can suspend time and space. John Ross was on the phone with J.R. when the shooting happened and he immediately alerted the others.
Let’s eliminate Cliff Barnes and Harris Ryland. This would be a very boring ending. They hated J.R. and are thrilled he is dead. They would rather make him suffer than just kill him. To have J.R. killed by Venezuelan thugs seeking revenge for Vincent Cano or Mexican gangsters working for Carlos Del Sol would be the easy way out. A business deal gone bad is a cop-out. If the producers want to get this right, here in order is who should have shot him.
1.) Pamela Rebecca Barnes. This would be perfect. The daughter of Cliff, soon-to-be ex-wife of Christopher, and girlfriend of John Ross fits best. She already killed Tommy Sutter in self-defense. J.R. tried to destroy her but got Frank Ashkani killed instead. She wants to make her dad proud.
Kristin Shephard escaped prison over thirty years ago by being pregnant with a child that may have been J.R.’s. That baby turned out to be Christopher. J.R. let Bobby adopt the kid in exchange for sole control of Ewing Oil. Now Pamela is pregnant with Christopher’s twins, and has a knack herself for escaping prison. John Ross wants vengeance for his father but also has feelings for Pamela.
2.) Annie Ewing. Annie did threaten to shoot J.R. once, and she did shoot Harris Ryland. When J.R. died, he was investigating Ryland. He was also investigating what happened to Christopher’s real mother and Cliff Barnes’s sister Pamela Barnes Ewing. She was Bobby’s first wife. Annie is his third wife, and a possible reemergence of Pam would threaten Annie’s already unstable marriage.
3.) Pamela Barnes Ewing. Victoria Principal has said that she is absolutely not returning to the show. However, if J.R. tracked down Pam, perhaps she did not want to be tracked down. An act of violence is totally out of character for her, so something besides being tracked down would have to have set her off.
4.) Gary Ewing. The middle brother of J.R. and Bobby always hated J.R. Gary is not a violent guy but he is a recovering alcoholic who recently fell off the wagon. He has been hurting for money lately, and perhaps a drunken rage that he does not even remember could have been the undoing of both men.
5.) Drew Ramos. The downside is that he is a very minor character. Yet he does blame J.R. and John Ross for causing his sister Elena to lose her share of Ewing Energies. He knows how to fire a gun, since he saved Elena and Christopher from being killed by Vincent Cano. The Ewings own land that used to belong to his father, and he wants the land back.
Now for those who want to really wander off the reservation, here are a couple more scenarios.
6.) Katherine Wentworth. She is the sister of Pamela Barnes Ewing. She was in love with Bobby and tried to kill them both in the original series before leaving town and swearing revenge. Actress Morgan Brittany absolutely would return to the show if needed. If J.R. found Pam to bring her back to Bobby, that would be enough to have Katherine kill J.R and Pam before going after Annie.
7.) Mandy Winger. Deborah Shelton showed up last week at the funeral to reprise her role as J.R.’s mistress from decades gone by. There is no rational reason for her to kill J.R. Yet Ms. Shelton is still one of the hottest women on Earth. This would be an excuse to have her back on the show. The reason why is irrelevant.
8.) Wild cards include the youngest and eldest Ryland women. Emma is Annie and Harris’s daughter who just slept with John Ross. Harris’s mother is angry and vengeful. None of the Ryland women are stable but it makes for a less than electric storyline. The wildest wild card would be Afton Cooper. She had Pamela Rebecca Barnes with Cliff, but she also had an affair ages ago with J.R. Any woman who ever slept with J.R. had reason to kill him. Then again, as John Ross pointed out, so did half the people at the funeral.
Let the guessing games begin!
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS.
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