MADISON, WISCONSIN, April 13, 2013—The “Dallas” finale is here. So whodunit?
In 1980, the mystery of “Who shot J.R.” was the most watched program in television history at that time. His sister-in-law Kristin Shephard was the trigger woman. J.R. was shot or almost shot several times over the decades, but several weeks ago on Dallas he was shot and killed for good.
Actor Larry Hagman departed for the big oilrig in the sky, so J.R. had to join him.
J.R.’s television family members identified the body and held a very poignant funeral. In the season upcoming season finale we learn who killed him, or will we.
In 1980 the entire cast was kept in the dark, not knowing until the episode aired, and they did not reveal the killer until the premier of the following season, guaranteeing a huge viewing audience.
This year Patrick Duffy is the only cast member to know the truth. Even Linda Gray did not know until she saw the final script.
The only thing Duffy has said is that his character Bobby Ewing did not do it.
So who did it? Who killed J.R.?
Let’s have some fun and let the guessing games begin before the Season 2 finale of the relaunched Dallas.
In addition to Bobby and Sue Ellen, their sons Christopher and John Ross are innocent unless the producers can suspend time and space. John Ross was on the phone with J.R. when the shooting happened and he immediately alerted the others.
Eliminate Cliff Barnes and Harris Ryland. That would be a boring ending. They hated J.R. and are thrilled he is dead, but they would rather make him suffer than just kill him.
Venezuelan thugs seeking revenge for Vincent Cano or Mexican gangsters working for Carlos Del Sol did not kill J.R. A business deal gone badly is a cop-out. The producers want to get this right.
Here in order is who may have shot him.
1.) Pamela Rebecca Barnes. This would be perfect. The daughter of Cliff, soon-to-be ex-wife of Christopher, and wife of John Ross fit best. She already killed Tommy Sutter in self-defense. J.R. tried to destroy her but got Frank Ashkani killed instead.
Although she has now turned on Cliff, at the time she wanted to make her dad proud.
Kristin Shephard escaped prison over thirty years ago by being pregnant with a child that may have been J.R.’s. That baby turned out to be Christopher.
J.R. let Bobby adopt the child in exchange for sole control of Ewing Oil. At the time J.R. was murdered, Pamela was pregnant with Christopher’s twins (she miscarried after an explosion on a ship orchestrated by Cliff), and has a knack herself for escaping prison.
John Ross wants vengeance for his father but also has feelings for Pamela.
2.) Annie Ewing. Annie did threaten to shoot J.R. once, and she did shoot Harris Ryland. When J.R. died, he was investigating Ryland. He was also investigating what happened to Christopher’s real mother and Cliff Barnes’s sister Pamela Barnes Ewing. She was Bobby’s first wife. Annie is his third wife, and Pam’s possible reemergence would threaten Annie’s already unstable marriage.
3.) Pamela Barnes Ewing. Victoria Principal has said she is absolutely not returning to the show.
However, if J.R. tracked down Cliff’s sister Pam, perhaps she did not want to be tracked down. Violence is totally out of character for her, so something besides being tracked down would have to have set her off.
In the finale we learn whether or not a woman in a blurry video is Pam.
4.) Gary Ewing. The middle brother of J.R. and Bobby always hated J.R. Gary is not a violent guy but he is a recovering alcoholic who recently fell off the wagon. He has been hurting for money lately, and perhaps a drunken rage that he does not even remember could have been the undoing of both men.
5.) Drew Ramos. The downside is that he is a very minor character. Yet he blames J.R. and John Ross for causing his sister Elena to lose her share of Ewing Energies. He knows how to fire a gun, since he saved Elena and Christopher from being killed by Vincent Cano.
He also knows how to build a bomb. His handiwork caused the explosion that killed Christopher and Pamela’s unborn twins.
The Ewing’s owned land that belonged to his late father, and Drew wanted the land back. Yet now after confessing for his crimes he is on the run.
Now for those who want to really wander off the reservation, here are a couple more scenarios.
6.) Katherine Wentworth. She is the sister of Pamela Barnes Ewing. She was in love with Bobby and tried to kill them both in the original series before leaving town and swearing revenge. Actress Morgan Brittany absolutely would return to the show if needed.
If J.R. found Pam to bring her back to Bobby, that would be enough to have Katherine kill J.R and Pam before going after Annie.
7.) Mandy Winger. Deborah Shelton showed up at the funeral to reprise her role as J.R.’s mistress from decades gone by. There is no rational reason for her to kill J.R. Yet Ms. Shelton is still one of the hottest women on Earth. This would be an excuse to have her back on the show. The reason why is irrelevant.
8.) Wild cards include the youngest and eldest Ryland women. Emma is Annie and Harris’s daughter who slept with John Ross and Drew Ramos. She has a drug addiction that led to her crashing a car and going to jail.
A drug-fueled rage makes sense since J.R. was investigating if her father is a drug dealer.
Harris’s mother is angry and vengeful. None of the Ryland women are stable but it makes for a less than electric storyline.
The wildest wild card would be Afton Cooper. She had Pamela Rebecca Barnes with Cliff, but she also had an affair ages ago with J.R. Any woman who ever slept with J.R. had reason to kill him.
Then again, as John Ross pointed out, so did half the people at the funeral.
Last chance to place your bets!
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free. Follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS.
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