CHICAGO, September 22, 2012 — This Sunday, September 23, the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences will present the 64th annual Primetime Emmy Awards. Unfortunately, some of the best television performances of the year will not be included. Here is an amended list of nominees which surely would have been included if only the show could be postponed a couple of months.
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Modern Family: Ed O’Neill as Jay Pritchett
Modern Family: Jesse Tyler Ferguson as Mitchell Pritchett
Modern Family: Ty Burrell as Phil Dunphy
Modern Family: Eric Stonestreet as Cameron Tucker
Clint Eastwoods and the Empty Chair AP
New Girl: Max Greenfield as Schmidt
Saturday Night Live: Bill Hader as various characters
Republican National Convention: Clint Eastwood.
As with most popular comedy, some people laughed, some cringed and some thought “What the deuce is this?” as actor/director Clint Eastwood delivered his improv lines to the empty chair during his monologue at the Republican Convention.
And the winner is…. Sorry. Forgot my political correctness. And the award goes to: Please…. Not even Eastwood could beat out the “Modern Family” guys. Gotta pick just one? Let’s go with Eric Stonestreet.
Ed O’Neill has the easiest acting job on the planet as a man in love with Sophia Vergara. Ferguson is a happy gay actor portraying a happy gay lawyer, and Burrell has the second easiest acting job on the planet as a married man in lust with Sophia Vergara. Eastwood might have had a better chance if he replaced the empty chair with Sophia Vergara.
Outstanding Guest Actor In A Comedy Series
Curb Your Enthusiasm: Michael J. Fox as Himself
Modern Family: Greg Kinnear as Tad
Nurse Jackie: Bobby Cannavale as Dr. Mike Cruz
Saturday Night Live: Jimmy Fallon, Host
30 Rock: Will Arnett as Devon Banks
30 Rock: Jon Hamm as Abner and David Brinkley
Republican National Convention: the Empty Chair.
And the award goes to: If the job of the guest actor is to draw more viewers, this one has to go to the Chair. The thousands of people who went searching online to replay this episode did not want to see Eastwood. They wanted to see how the chair was able to have such a remarkable effect on Hollywood’s amazing icon.
Outstanding Miniseries or Movie
American Horror Story, FX Networks
Game Change, HBO
Hatfields & McCoys, History
Hemingway & Gellhorn, HBO
Luther, BBC America
Sherlock: A Scandal In Belgravia (Masterpiece Theatre), PBS
2012 Presidential Debates, Every Broadcast Channel
Obamas on the Emmy red carpet?
It could be argued that due to their weeklong format, the conventions would also qualify as a miniseries. However, as their purpose was simply to cheerlead their party’s stars and platform, which we’ve been hearing and seeing all year long, they seemed more like the sweeps-special episodes of a continuing series.
The debates, on the other hand, showcase the two heavyweights from competing factions in a one-on-one, knockdown, drag-out contest. People may not be looking forward to the continuing rounds of debate as they are to more rounds between Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather, but the debates have a slightly better chance of actually happening. Slightly.
But can the debates beat out the other contenders in the category? After all, “Hatfields & McCoys” has all the divisiveness, power plays and historical significance, plus guns. The Emmy goes to “Hatfields & McCoys.” It may be a long shot, but they were pretty good at shooting.
Outstanding Special Class Programs
84th Annual Academy
The 69th Annual Golden Globe Awards
The 54th Annual Grammy Awards
Herbie Hancock, Gustavo Dudamel And The LA Phil Celebrate Gershwin — Great Performances
Louis C.K. Live At The Beacon Theatre
65th Annual Tony Awards
There’s really nothing to add here. It just needed to be pointed out that the Emmy’s is an award show that gives an award for award shows. Seems somehow fitting in an election year.
What if Ann Romney wins for “The Good Wife?”
Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series
The Big Bang Theory: Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper
Curb Your Enthusiasm: Larry David as Himself
House Of Lies: Don Cheadle as Marty Kaan
Louie: Louis C.K. as Louie
30 Rock: Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy
Two And A Half Men: Jon Cryer as Alan Harper
Republican National Convention: Paul Ryan
Democratic National Convention: Joe Biden
The job of the Best Supporting Actor is two-fold. Not only is it his responsibility to make the main guy look good, he also has to tie all the other, less-supporting actors into a cohesive unit. Parsons will probably take it again, although it would be difficult to be the announcer telling Cheadle “No.” But in an alternate universe that includes that Pacquiao/Mayweather fight, wouldn’t it be delightful to see Jim Parsons and Jon Cryer duke it out with Ryan and Biden?
The official list of awards and nominees from the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences is over 70 pages long. Skimming through the list reveals a few obscure awards that would also benefit from including the principals from this year’s election.
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series already has two “Good Wife” nominations. Why not add Michelle and Ann to the mix?
Outstanding Voice-Over Performance: Obama’s voice-over representation of RomneyCare.
Outstanding Reality Program: Any category that includes “Myth Busters” and “Who Do You Think You Are?” needs to include the electoral process. Wait — maybe that should be the other way around. The electoral process should include the “Myth Busters” and several episodes of “Who Do You Think You Are?”
Outstanding Reality-Competition Program: Election night coverage of the Presidential race won’t be nearly as amazing as the “Amazing Race,” but it still counts as a Reality-Competition.
Outstanding Hairstyling For A Multi-Camera Series Or Special: The Republicans get this one. Whoever works their special magic on Romney and Ryan deserves recognition. That cannot be an easy job.
As for Outstanding Lead Actor, that will be decided on November 6. Whether the award should be considered a Comedy or Drama will depend entirely on your perspective.
Julia Goralka is ready for her close-up, having practiced her acceptance speech while holding a brush in front of the mirror several (hundred) times. To reach her, see above.
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