From Armstrong to Lohan - Headlines that should not be

Will June 15, 2012, go down as the silliest day in news history? Probably not, but you decide. Photo: President Obama, Lindsey Lohan, Lance Armstrong - mouths agape at today's headlines

CHICAGO, June 15, 2012 — Sometimes most of the news is just silly. Most of the time, some of the news is just silly. Today seems to cover both, which is just silly. Here’s a list of headline stories that just shouldn’t be news. The list is in no particular order because order just couldn’t be established. Trying to pick a best or worst would just be silly.

President Obama Loosens Deportation Rules

Before anyone gets his or her bun in a knot over deportation not being a silly issue, you are absolutely right. The silliness involved here is that people were being punished for the sins of their fathers (and mothers) in the first place. 

Presidential Order being signed by President Obama (Associated Press)

Presidential Order being signed by President Obama (Associated Press)

The new guidelines will allow undocumented immigrants (“illegal aliens” is politically passé; keep up with trends, people!) whose parents brought them to this country as children to apply for work permits. They were kids. They didn’t have a choice.Do you want your children paying for the crimes of your past? Don’t be silly.

Lindsey Lohan Found Unconscious

It seemed somehow fitting that Ms. Lohan was cast as the oft-troubled Elizabeth Taylor in an upcoming Lifetime Original movie. It was expected that eventually there would be off-screen drama to rival the on-screen story.

Lindsey Lohan (Image:  David Tonnessen/

Lindsey Lohan (Image: David Tonnessen/

No one was terribly surprised that paramedics were involved. Saddened, yes, but not really surprised.

Apparently Ms. Lohan did not respond when called to the set and the paramedics were called when she was found unconscious.

According to Ms. Lohan’s publicist (now there’s a job that will keep you on your toes), she had decided to take a nap.

Chris Brown and Drake Fight Over Rihanna

Oh, for goodness sake. Chris dated Rihanna. Chris beat Rihanna. Rihanna recorded a song in which she states, “Chains and whips excite me.” Drake is dating Rihanna. Chris and Drake had a fight over Rihanna. No, wait. Drake wasn’t involved, only his people were involved.

Chris put some silly things on Twitter, and then he removed them, which was silly because they just showed up on network news. There may be some musical talent hovering around these people, but are they really worth spending your money or, more importantly, your time on?

“House Hunters” Reality Show Not Real

Bobi Jensen, who was featured on the show in 2006, blogged recently that she and her husband, who was the real estate agent on their segment, had bought their new house prior to filming the show. She went on to say that the other two houses in the segment were owned by friends of theirs and were not being sold at the time. The Jensens had been told by the producers to find two more houses, and they did. So what’s sillier? That these shows are called “reality” or that people believe the moniker? In the words of Obi Wan Kenobi, “Who’s the more foolish; the fool, or the fool who follows him?”

Lance Armstrong Doping

Once again, the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency is looking into Lance Armstrong.

Lance Armstrong

Lance Armstrong

Armstrong points to the fact that in his 25 years of competing, he has never failed one of the 500+ drug tests he has taken, nor has he ever had an unusual spike in his performance. “That USADA ignores this fundamental distinction and charges me instead of the admitted dopers says far more about USADA, its lack of fairness and this vendetta than it does about my guilt or innocence.”

The USADA points to questionable blood tests in 2009 and 2010 which are “fully consistent with blood manipulation,” and to their 10 unnamed witnesses who will testify to seeing Armstrong injecting himself or having the drugs in his fridge.

Armstrong’s legal team points to the fact that the unnamed witnesses were forced to cooperate or face charges of their own.

OK, it’s not “he said, she said.” It’s “He said, he said, they said, he said, they said.” Enough already. Get real proof, come to a decision, and then let us know how it all turns out.

And while Armstrong is under investigation by the USADA, he is barred from competing in World Triathlon Corporation races. He can still compete, however, in most USA Triathlon-sanctioned races. 

Nik Wallenda (Image: Associated Press/David Duprey)Nik Wallenda (Image: Associated Press/David Duprey)

Nik Wallenda (Image: Associated Press/David Duprey)

The U.S. investigates him, the world bars him, but the U.S. lets him compete. That’s just silly.

And that’s your news for June 15, 2012, the day Nik Walenda will walk across Niagara Falls on a tightrope. Showing his passport when he gets to the other side.

Somehow that doesn’t seem so silly anymore.

To contact Julia Goralka, see above.


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Julia Goralka

In addition to her work at The Communities, Julia Goralka is a free-lance novel editor and has served as a volunteer board member or committee member for several local charitable organizations. Prior to writing and editing, Julia was the Division Coordinator for the interest rate derivatives marketing desk at a large financial institution based in Chicago.

Contact Julia Goralka


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