CHICAGO, January 8, 2012 — Elin Nordegren, until now only famous as the ex-wife of golfer Tiger Woods, has stumbled upon the path to economic recovery in the U.S. Marry someone wealthier than you (preferably a philanderer and preferably without a pre-nup), divorce and SPEND!
Elin and Tiger were married on October 5, 2004 in a ceremony costing an estimated $1.5 million. The marriage took place in Barbados, which was unfortunate for the U.S. economy, but wonderful for Barbados. Rather than outsourcing all of those wedding-related jobs (the catering, the serving, the florists, etc.) to the Caribbean, the Woods’ could have married on a Hawaiian island.
Let’s not get greedy, though. These days most of the world’s economies could use a little help, so if a Hawaiian island isn’t exotic enough for your tastes, there are a few in Greece that would be happy to have your money.
So Ms. Nordegren the nanny became Mrs. Woods the multimillionaire. Step One, check.
(Note: While the above statement implies that Ms. Nordegren was a gold-digger, the writer’s romantic soul truly believes it was a marriage of love. That’s just not the point of this article.)
During their marriage, the couple bought and renovated a $44.5 million estate on Jupiter Island, FL. The 4-1/2 year renovation created jobs in construction, interior design, and exterior design as architects struggled to find the best way to fit two pools, basketball and tennis courts, a 100-ft. track and field area, and, of course a reflecting pond, onto only 12 acres of land.
Oh! And a 4-hole golf course.
While the previous owners most likely had house staff and pool/lawn care workers, the greenskeeper may have been a new job created by the Woods.
Elin in her nanny days
By the end of the renovation, the Jupiter Island property had created jobs, increased property values (the finished estate is worth an estimated $60-80 million), and along with other purchases the couple made, helped boost home sales and line realtors’ pockets with commissions.
Unfortunately for the family, by the time the renovation was finished, so was the marriage. The divorce attorneys were thankful for the work.
Step Two, divorce the philanderer, check.
Details of the divorce settlement are confidential, but according to an Examiner.com article dated February, 2011, it is known (bold and italics per the Examiner.com article) that Elin received $110 million plus monthly child support. She also kept the main family home in Windmere, Florida, another home nearby, an apartment in Stockholm, and a $2.2 million estate on a secluded island in Sweden.
Apparently, though, none of these properties was quite what Ms. Nordegren wanted. A few months following the divorce, she bought a $12.3 million ocean-front mansion (more work for those realtors), which also was not quite what she wanted. So she knocked it down.
Well, she didn't knock it down. She hired a development firm to do it. Not as much fun, but better for the economy.
Ms. Nordegren has hired an architectural firm to design her new home, which will be approximately twice the size of the one she knocked down. She'll probably need more staff to handle the extra dusting. The same construction firm that handled the Jupiter Island property will build the new home as well. It would have been nice if she had spread the jobs around a little, but at least she keeps people working.
The new home is scheduled to be completed in December 2014. Until then, according to the Palm Beach Post, Elin and the children are staying in a nearby condominium. The North Palm Beach realtors have just got to love this woman.
Step Three, finally get a place that is your very own, check.
So Elin Nordegren married wealthy, if not well, divorced, went on a bit of a house-shopping spree, and, guess what, the unemployment rate fell to its lowest level in years. Is it a coincidence or has she discovered our road to economic rebound? Think of the possibilities if all of the single people out there married into the 1%!
What? There's not enough 1%-ers to go around? That's kind of the definition of the 1%, isn’t it?
Then we'll just have to work with what we have, and move it to a National stage. If the Elin Nordegren Economic Model works, the country, and the GOP should soar with a Newt “Married Three Times” Gingrich/Herman “Philanderer” Cain ticket.
Oh, wait. Cain's philandering caused the Republicans some problems. That's okay; he can be replaced. Again. What the GOP needs is a respectable, even beloved, playboy.
That's it! Newt Gingrich and Hugh Hefner! Gingrich/Hefner 2012! Marry, divorce, SPEND! All our economic problems solved!
Come on, Hef! Your country needs you!
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To contact Julia Goralka, see above. Her work appears in the Communities @WashingtonTimes.com.
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