LOS ANGELES, May 4, 2013 — One of the worst expressions coming out of the mouths of the worst of men comes in various forms of “She is saying no, but she really means yes.”
Sorry guys, no is no. And when you take no for a yes, it is rape and it is a felony.
Yet what about the reverse? What is a man to do when a woman says “yes” but she really means “no?”
This is not about “Coyote Ugly” morning after regrets. Men and women have those, and, adults being adults and consensual, “get over it” is the appropriate response.
Like it or not, sex is part of dating, and it is a business transaction. This is not about prostitution, which is an overt exchange of money for sex. This is about two adult persons having the “capacity” to make a decision to engage in mutually beneficial behaviour.
When one party steps beyond the legal definition of “capacity” then no matter how empathetic the “yes” is, it really means “no”.
Like many before and after her, she was in the club, smoking hot, brunette, and dressed to kill. Through a combination of stones on my part mixed with some dumb luck, we were dancing together.
She was smart, a professional woman in the corporate world.
“So raise your glass if you are wrong, in all the right ways.”
As a non-drinker, I can personally attest that one can socialize to the fullest sans alcohol. Others feel differently.
“So come on, come on, raise your glass. Raise your glass.”
My Diet Coke was straight up. Hers had other stuff in it, and plenty of it.
“I’ve had a little bit too much…Just Dance.”
Later that night she wanted to leave the club together. This is what a guy hopes for. Yet the next morning would have brought metaphors as mixed as Pink and Lady Ga-Ga thrown together.
And here comes the proverbial Waterloo. Or Rubicon. The line you do not cross.
What many guys do not understand is that the goal is not to get something from a woman. It’s to get them to want to do something.
This girl made things easier than I could have possibly hoped for. Yet the evidence suggested that it was not the real her talking.
“Blame it on the alcohol.”
It was time to leave the club, so there was only one thing to say to this girl.
“Let me call you a cab.”
Stunned, she made it clear that if we went to her place, I would be able to participate in “consensual” acts. However, as her alcohol level increased, her “capacity” diminished. And now “yes” meant “no.”
Yep, I could do whatever I wanted. She probably would have even let me raid her fridge and watch ESPN.
Nevertheless, she had too much to drink. That meant even though she was saying yes, the answer was still no. Sleeping with drunk women is also rape, and still a felony.
Naturally, no good deed goes unpunished and inebriated women do not handle rejection in a classy manner.
“Are you gay?” she asked.
“No. You’re drunk,” I responded.
She asked why she was the only one of us drunk and took issue with my not drinking alcohol.
“You don’t drink and you don’t want to sleep with me. You are so gay.”
Playing to my ego temporarily worked, to my own chagrin.
“Sweetness, you let me in your home and I will ….. but, no I am as straight as it gets.”
Yet when push came to shove, the facts on the ground had not changed. She was drunk.
Again, an offer of a cab was followed by a mini-temper tantrum. At that point she was given the option. She could keep quiet and accept an offer of a cab, or she could keep talking and fend for herself and pay for her own cab.
She got the message.
I actually did like her. Yet there is no way to know if she really liked me.
She apologized for her behavior the next day, but getting over the awkwardness was not going to happen for either of us. The damage was done.
“Their panties hit the ground everytime I give ‘em shots, so cups in the air, everybody let’s take shots.”
No thank you.
“If you ain’t getting drunk, get out of the club”
Time to head home alone, without bad sex and the possible prison term that accompanies the hangover.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free.
Republican Jewish Brunettes may follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS.
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