LOS ANGELES, June 9, 2012—One of the worst aspects of dating is when a date is canceled, especially on the day of the date. It has happened to most of us, and technology makes matters worse. Now instead of a telephone call, people break dates through text messages, instant messenger, or Facebook.
So how should a person react when a date is canceled? A general rule is the Golden Rule. Respect begets respect, scorn begets scorn, and silence begets silence. Wasted time is wasted life, and leaving a person scrambling to make alternate plans at the last minute should not be tolerated in most situations.
The first situation was the easiest to accept.
The phone call came, and disappointment with it.
“Eric, I am so sorry. My daughter came down with an illness today and I am scared to leave her alone. I have to play nursemaid.”
The reaction depends on one critical factor. Did the guy know beforehand that the woman even had a daughter?
Some women pick interesting times to spring information on a guy.
If news is an ambush, the guy should still react politely. Children are blessings, not curses.
“Don’t worry about it. I totally understand. Take care of the little one. I hope she feels better.”
The guy may wish to not initiate further contact, not because of the child, but the secrecy. Important details such as children should be disclosed before the date.
If the guy knew the date had a child, then he also knew what he was getting into. Single mothers have constraints, and their children must be their top priority. This is where real men offer as much empathy as possible. Single mothers encounter numerous disruptions, from flaky baby-sitters to vindictive ex-husbands. Often they feel trapped, and want the night out as badly as the guy. Piling on is wrong. Real men know what to do in this situation.
“It’s ok. I totally understand. Family first. Your daughter is your life. Give your bambina a hug, and I hope she feels better.”
A guy really wanting to score points can check the next day or two to see how the child is feeling. Genuine caring and empathy is genuinely appreciated.
Not all situations are pleasant. Some women (and men) are simply inconsiderate. One woman sent a text message that said “I have to cancel for tonight.”
Since my enthusiasm was low to start, my response was “ok.” She said, “thanks,” I reiterated “ok,” and that was it. Because we have mutual friends, blowing up would have consequences. I saved the texts for only one purpose. If my friends question me, they will see it was not my decision. If they ask nothing, nothing will be disclosed. Bad-mouthing a person is the wrong approach and should only be done in self-defense. Otherwise, privacy benefits everybody.
One girl canceled Sunday night plans because she was concerned about potentially driving in rain. It was a short distance, and the sky looked fine. She heard “somewhere” about rain. The sky stayed clear that night. She asked if we could reschedule for the next night.
Waiting one night is not the end of the world, but this was pure flakiness. My response was “busy Monday.” Her last question, “Another night?” went unanswered.
The final situation comes when dealing with a “crazy” woman.
People should avoid crazy people altogether, because crazy is forever. Basketcases do not become normal. They get worse. If a person knows their potential date is crazy, and dates them anyway, their own hands are unclean. Women who date crazy men like projects, and believe they can change the guy. Guys who date crazy women want sex.
Nothing this girl said carried any appeal. She was certifiable, a native of Trainwreckistan. However, she looked great in a black miniskirt hiked up quite high. Many women do. She lacked substance, and so did my motive for dating her.
When she canceled the date, she threw in a cheap shot about my being “too aggressive.” A guy knows deep inside when this is true (he should know anyway), and this was not the case. In this situation it is better to be confrontational than let a woman emasculate a guy, especially when she is at fault. When confronting a crazy woman, a man has to determine the level of crazy. No argument, before or after sex, is worth dealing with the next Jody Arias.
Upon determining the level of crazy non-homicidal, the next consideration is friends. We shared acquaintances but not close friends. In this instance, they like me better. That gave me the latitude to explain to her what she needed to hear. “I have no further use for you.” Beauty fades, but psychosis increases with time. Stronger words can be said personally, but not in writing where it lasts forever.
Canceling is unpleasant, and most unpleasant situations are avoidable. As a general rule, do not cancel a date unless it is necessary. What goes around does come back around.
These thoughts were pondered while preparing for a fun Saturday night. This was not a date, but a bunch of friends getting together. Then the email arrived. The entire event was cancelled.
Sometimes this stuff just happens, and shaking our head is all we can do.
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free.
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