LOS ANGELES, February 12, 2013—Do you want to stay single for the rest of your life? Many single people say no, then engage in mindless self-defeating behavior that screams to the world “contagious and flammable, buyer beware!”
Self-sabotage is as powerful as any affliction. In the coming weeks and months, this column will analyze critical dating mistakes in hopes of helping readers avoid them.
Consider this column an intervention. It only hurts if you take the keyboard and smash it over your lobe in frustration. For those who read and learn, the single life may one day be a part of your past. Consider me the single man who deeply believes in the institution of marriage. People who marry the right person live longer, healthier, happier lives. They also get really cool tax breaks.
The first step to marriage is dating, so pull up a chair and let’s talk dating.
This column is not a marriage column. I have no idea how to get a woman to the altar. If I did, I would be married.
This is also not a sex column. Please keep your salacious stories to yourselves. Do not send them to me. Also, for the love of all things holy, if you have taken pictures of yourself in a certain manner with or without others, destroy them immediately. Do not post them to Facebook or send them out on Twitter.
Just keep your sex life to yourself. I”m not interested. Mine is most likely better anyway, and I don’t even want to hear about mine. The evidence exists in case I ever have to testify.
This is not a dating column for those who just want to perpetually date. Why anyone would do that is beyond me. Dating is expensive and time consuming. “Scoring” is not about having sex. It is finding that special someone.
My qualifications are simple. I have dated over 1,000 women, maybe 1,500, but less than 2,000. This is not a source of pride or shame. It is a shrug of the shoulders pointed out solely to back up my claim to understanding a thing or two about dating. Many women have said “no” to joining me for a date. This is fine. A woman who says no costs a man zero time and money. “No” is just as valid an answer as “yes.”
This column is for men and women, with one purpose. People deserve to be happy. God wants us to lead lives that matter. Without love, there is no such thing as life. One cannot find love without going on that first date.
To women who know me in any capacity, there will be no naming of names in this column. In the twenty-first century where everything is public, privacy remains an underrated noble quality.
Full confession: I know more about women than most men because I do the one thing most men don’t do. I listen to them and ask questions. Women know more about what they want than men do. Men know more about what men want than women do. A closed mouth and open ears work wonders.
No two people are the same, and just because one woman or man acts a certain way does not mean they all do. Most people are good people who want to do the right thing. They just need a slight tug in the right direction.
We all have our preferences, with mine being a Republican Jewish brunette. Yet whatever your preferences, the rules of life have not changed. What worked before we were born will work long after we are gone, with the possible exception of clubbing our desired object over the head to reach holy matrimony. When dating conflicts with federal and state laws, obey the law.
This is the dating life. So join me on this dating adventure, wherever it may lead.
Welcome to “Date, Set, Match.”
Brooklyn born, Long Island raised, and now living in Los Angeles, Eric Golub is a politically conservative columnist, author, public speaker, satirist and comedian. Eric is the author of the book trilogy “Ideological Bigotry, “Ideological Violence,” and “Ideological Idiocy.”
Eric is 100% alcohol, tobacco, drug, and liberalism free.
Republican Jewish Brunettes may follow Eric on Twitter @TYGRRRREXPRESS.
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