From Obama to Reid: Top 5 biggest trolls of the almost government shutdown

A “troll” is also a perfect word to describe the President and certain members of the U.S. Congress in the face of the “almost” government shutdown this week. Charlie Sheen, eat your heart out. Photo: Associated Press

From Brothers Grimm to Charlie Sheen, the word, “troll,” now has a number of popular new usages. For instance, a troll can be:

1. a mythical, albeit homely, creature who lives under a bridge, or

2. in Charlie Sheenspeak, a generally self-interested person who profits by undercutting productive and creative members of society (i.e. a turncoat, a traitor, TV executive Chuck Lorre)

But a “troll” is also a perfect word to describe the President, certain members of the U.S. Congress, and various federal employees and their aversion to spending cuts in the face of the “almost” government shutdown this week.

How else would you describe a political class that believes a puny $38 billion spending cut is “historic” in the face of a $1.6 trillion deficit and a new 2011 spending budget of $3.7 trillion? Trolls.

How would you describe House Democrats who only wanted (grudgingly) $4.4 billion in cuts? Trolls.

How else would you describe supposedly objective members of the mainstream media whining hysterically about the possible loss of funding for liberal sacred cows like Planned Parenthood when there is a trillion-dollar deficit? And when there is nothing stopping liberal organizations from getting funding from private sources and competing in the real world? How ‘bout trolls?

Of course, one could argue that this liberal allergic reaction to spending cuts isn’t really troll-like.  One could argue that this troll-like behavior is really political confusion over the meaning of elementary financial terms like “budget,” and “debt.” In other words, how can you be a troll if you are just confused, confounded, or just plain stupid?

Perhaps Democrats are still desperate to hang on to the President’s failed “spend our way to prosperity” stimulus plan. But with $821 billion out the window and unemployment at 9.2%, how could they still be so delusional?  It’s simple. They’re trolls.

So, who were the biggest trolls in the almost government shutdown melodrama? Here are my top 5:

Top 5 Biggest Trolls (yes, Obama too) in the Almost Government Shutdown

5.  MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell whining about spending cuts to Planned Parenthood.

O‘Donnell’s viewer’s message claims to have received a number of mammograms provided by Planned Parenthood offices. Yet, the recent Planned Parenthood expose reveals the organization clearly does not offer them.

Verdict on O’Donnel: Get a life, troll!

4. Sen. Chuck Schumer for putting his foot in his mouth and exposing the Democrats troll strategy. During the budget debate, the good senator was caught on call tape explaining to his fellow Democrats that he is parroting what party chiefs told him to say about the Republican spending cuts: “I always use the word ‘extreme’; that’s what the caucus instructed me to do the other week,” said Schumer. 

President Obama, Senator Charles Schumer (New York) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (Nevada) (Photos: Associated Press)

President Obama, Senator Charles Schumer (New York) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (Nevada) (Photos: Associated Press)

Here’s a man who can think for himself as long as someone else does the thinking. Verdict? Troll!

3. Sen. Harry Reid for extreme speech in the face of spending cuts.

“But now the Tea Party is trying to sneak through its extreme social agenda – issues that have nothing to do with funding the government.  They are willing to throw women under the bus, even if it means they’ll shut down the government.

Harry, how quickly you have forgotten the lesson of Arizona.

Verdict on Reid: Troll!

2.  Rep. Louise Slaughter for injecting speech hate into the debt debate.

“This is probably one of the worst times that we’ve seen because the numbers of people who are elected to Congress,” Slaughter complained. “I went through this as co-chair of the arts caucus. In ’94 people were elected simply to come here to kill the National Endowment for the Arts. Now they’re here to kill women.”

Stop getting hysterical, Louise. It is only $38 billion in spending cuts.

Verdict on Slaugher: Troll!

1. President Obama for claiming victory in this morning’s weekly radio address when he was, at best, Absent-in-Chief.

“It means that small businesses can get the loans they need, our families can get the mortgages they applied for, folks can visit our national parks and museums, and hundreds of thousands of Americans will get their paychecks on time — including our brave men and women in uniform,” the president said.

Excuse me, Mr. President, but weren’t you the one planning to veto pay for military families in the event of a government shut-down.

My verdict on the President? Hail to the troll.

Troll runner up: USAID Administrator Rajiv Shaw who said that the GOP version of the budget bill would result in the deaths of at least 70,000 children. “We estimate, and I believe these are very conservative estimates, that H.R. 1 would lead to 70,000 kids dying,” said Shah. “Of that 70,000, 30,000 would come from malaria control programs that would have to be scaled back specifically. The other 40,000 is broken out as 24,000 would die because of a lack of support for immunizations and other investments and 16,000 would be because of a lack of skilled attendants at birth,” he said.

Look at happens when someone threatens a program that pays someone’s salary.

Verdict on Shah? Of course, he’s a troll. 

Conservative satirist and commentator William J. Kelly is also a contributor to and edits the Tea Party Reports for the Washington Times Communities. He is a native from Chicago’s Southside.

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William Kelly


Conservative commentator, satirist, and radio talk show host William J. Kelly pens the “Kelly Truth Squad” and “The Tea Party Report” for the Washington Times Communities and is a contributor to the American Spectator and Kelly is also a producer of Emmy award-winning TV and received an Emmy nomination himself for outstanding achievement on-camera. He was previously the Executive Director of the National Taxpayers United of Illinois, a taxpayer watchdog group. He is a native of Chicago’s South side. For more information, visit

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