NOTE: Bill Kelly's Truth Squad made a prediction back in May that Rahm Emanuel would run for Mayor of Chicago. With the prediction on the verge of coming true, we are reposting an updated version of the column - just for fun.
It's official. One of the few - if only - big city Democrat machine mayors left, Mayor Richard M. Daley is calling it quits. In his surprise announcement yesterday, Daley stunned the political world and put Chicago, Obama's home turf, up-for-grabs. There will be chaos in Chicago for years to come - a powder keg mix of bankrupt finances, crime, racial tensions, and political egos galore. Who will now run the Chicago machine? Well, there's one guy we know already who wants to be King - er,I mean Mayor - of Chicago.
A man who has been called many things. Dead fish-ionado. Naked shower thug. Goldman Sachs-ophile. But when White House Chief of Staff and political bully boy, Rahm Emanuel. Will Rahm Emanuel run for Mayor of Chicago? Will Obama let him go? And what would motivate Rahm sufficiently to want City Hall? Are the Mid-Terms looking that bad, Rahm?
I mean, being Mayor of Chicago is a big deal. Millions of lives are at stake. Thousands of jobs are on the line. There are taxes to raise. Funds to defraud. Banks to strongarm. Private corporations to infiltrate courtesy of the “Chicago Way.” It is time to get down to the nitty-gritty and narrow down the...
Top 11 Reasons Why Rahm Emanuel Wants to Be King (Er, I Mean Mayor) of Chicago:
11. Kick-backs from dead fish manufacturers could be lucrative. Go fish!
10. City Hall could use a shower stall to conduct business. Towels optional. (Rahm may want to rethink the towels optional rule. I mean, have you seen those Chicago Alderman?)
9. That Dali Lama a****** is a real pest and DON'T get him started about McChrystal.
8. So…where’s his Nobel Peace Prize?
7. Doing nothing about that BP oil spill really tired him out!
6. Too much work circumventing that U.S. Constitution.
5. After rahming through government-run healthcare, his job is done.
4. It's easier to puppetier the Blago re-trial from Chicago. (Those tapes with Blago are sooooo embarassing.)
3. Trillion dollar TARP bill leftovers could be tapped to build a nifty palace. Thanks Goldman!
2. Having trouble renaming the Stimulus for the November elections.
And the #1 Top Reason Why Rahm Emanuel Wants to Be King (Er, I Mean Mayor) of Chicago is….
1. Obama's gonna be mad after Mid-Terms. Gotta skip town!
Conservative satirist and commentator William J. Kelly also pens the Kelly Truth Squad at Chicago Now and edits the Tea Party Reports for the Washington Times. He is a native from Chicago's Southside. Email questions to him at williamjkellyrebuild@gmail.com.
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